How to let it go? (Vent)

For almost 2 years I've been putting up with my SS's lying, bad grades, dating a 14 y.o (he's 17), using his mother against us, wrecking the car daddy bought him within a year that he got it and now his friend is suing our insurance company for bodily injury (he's fine) no job, not even looking for a job, lying to me, not having any responsibility in the house (he knows what has to be done but, waits to be told) no ambition, no goals, doesn't understand the value of a dollar & entitlement issues BUT, I can't blame SS. DH has spoiled him b/c of the "hard times" SS had with his BM from birth until the age of 8 at which DH was awarded full custody. DH has not taught him responsibilty, recognition, appreciation & honesty Instead DH treats him like a friend and talks to him like he's a buddy. I believe in communication but I also believe that sometime actions are louder then words. DH rarely diciplines him and when he does theres no follow through or his punishment has been lifted a week earlier. When I try to inforce it, I'm the evil step mother and I even get if from DH. SS's BM is no help either she is a ex-meth addict who has 3 kids by 3 different dad's (latest one is in jail). She lives off of the state). DH refuses to talk to her. I DO for the sake of my SS. It's disgusting. SS see's nothing wrong with her way of life.

My concern is that my SS is going to be living with us for longer than I anticipated. I would like to have a child of my own and I won't have a child while this is going on. Why can't DH see that I want to get SS on track so he can live his own life (GROW UP) and not end up like his mother and we can get on with our life? I know that might sound harsh to some and I don't mean nor expect to just disregard SS. I hoping you can unsderstand what I mean) I realize this isn't going to happen overnight but, can we at least get started? Everytime I try, My DH says "U don't understand how teenagers are, why do you think he us such a bad kid?" Do you know how infuriating that is? I never said he was a bad kid! He needs to be pointed in the right direction.

I've talked to countless people (not SP's) who keep telling me to turn my cheek the other way. They tell me I tried but but, neither of them want to acknowledge the fact that there is a problem and that I should go about living my life with my DH. ANd not to fight about it with DH b/c it's not worth it.

How do I do that when this is my life?

AM I being a selfish B**CH?

Message edited 1/9/2009 1:22:08 PM.

Re: How to let it go? (Vent)

You are in no way shape or form being selfish. You want what is best for SS, and in turn what would be best for your family.
Your non SP friends don not seem to understand the situation you are in though, because it is not easy to turn away or anything like that. FOrget easy, it is impossibe, being that he lives with you. Even if you tried, it would probably do more harm than good.
Now, I wish I could tell you what you should/could do, but if you have ever read my posts, you can see that I am in a similar situation, so I guess I am no help. I just constantly ride my DH about him, and when I see him or he says something, I tell him, you have to get a job, you have to start saving money, etc, etc...

You are in a tough spot. I wish I had better answers for you. Please just keep your head up and remember that you are not horrible for feeling like this.

Re: How to let it go? (Vent)

BTDT, have the t-shirt. There is nothing you can do. You are powerless here, and of course that's more frustrating. If DH and his mom won't do anything, then he either will figure it out on his own, or he won't. Sorry, but that's the way it is, no matter what you do or say.