what are your thoughts

i have an uncomfortable situation happening. i'm not sure how to handle it. my stepkids lost their mother as some of you may know in may last year. they seem to be doing well. but the littlest one is questioning whether or not she can introduce me as her mom instead of her stepmother. i always say that i'm stepmom when i'm introducing myself to friends parents etc but i don't know if she's embarrassed that i say that or what..she can't really explain it. i feel weird saying mom because although i'm her stepmom i'm not sure its proper to be introduced as her mom. help..thanks

Message edited 3/6/2009 11:26:05 AM.

Re: what are your thoughts

That's a tough one.

If you are comfortable with it, I would tell her to call me whatever she wants to call me. If she wants to call you "mom", I would reassure her that its not a replacement of BM.

If she chose to call you mom, would that freak out your other step-kid(s)? How old is she? That's kind of hard b/c if she's young, you can understand her need for wanting to have someone to call mom and now you are her only mother-figure, so it makes sense. The possible sticky point would be in ensuring that BM is not presumed as being replaced, KWIM?

Re: what are your thoughts

If she wants to call you mom and refer to you as mom then I would let her. This is one of those instances where you have to let her do what she's most comfortable with, you'll get used to it.

Re: what are your thoughts

Re: what are your thoughts

This is coming form my heart. Let her call you mom. I have a step-mother who I love. I don't call her mom, but when I buy cards or a gift it reads mom. Or something I get one that reads "My other Mother" only cuz it states how I feel. There has been times in my life that she had been there for me more then my mom has. She can never replace my mom, but she is someone I look up to has a mother. Look at this as a gift from God. Good Luck!

Re: what are your thoughts

Is your SD under the care of a therapist or a grief counselor of any kind ??? Maybe speaking with one , if not would be beneficial for both her and you guys ....I would think that she should call you whatever she is comfortable with and that you tell her no-matter what she calls you, you love her just the same ...good luck

Re: what are your thoughts

As long as no one else is uncomfortable with it (your other SK, DH) and it is ok with you and she knows the difference between you and her "real" mom (meaning don't let her forget her mom). I think it is ok if that is what she wants.

I was raised by my grandmother, and people knew she was my grandmother, but after a while, I felt funny putting that label on it because people would ALWAYS ask where my "real mom" was, and it made me VERY uncomfortable. Perhaps it is just easier for her.