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waterspout4
My loves
Member since 5/06 19150 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
This is just a poll and not meant to spark any debate. Please.
A family member was 21 when he got a girl PG when she was 18. They went to the first sono, saw the heartbeat and he then proposed. They decided to wait to get married until a few years down the road. She miscarried. This was 18 months ago and they stayed together and remained engaged.
Yesterday she admitted she got an abortion and did not miscarry. He is devastated.
Do you think the child's father should at least know about the abortion?
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Posted 4/13/09 7:44 AM  |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
yes - especially in this circumstance
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| Posted 4/13/09 7:46 AM |
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Nifheim
allo
Member since 1/09 5476 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
In this circumstance yes and I think in most cases. I feel if it was a one night stand or a fling then it might be best to do it in secret.
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| Posted 4/13/09 7:51 AM |
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Tabitha
Member since 2/07 2029 total posts
Name:
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
wow, i feel awful for your family member. Im not sure if your poll is in regards to this specific situation, or in general. i answered yes, your family member shouldve been part of that decision.
im sorry that he is going through that 
Message edited 4/13/2009 8:02:55 AM.
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| Posted 4/13/09 8:02 AM |
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waterspout4
My loves
Member since 5/06 19150 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
Posted by Tabitha
wow, i feel awful for your family member. Im not sure if your poll is in regards to this specific situation, or in general. i answered yes, your family member shouldve been part of that decision.
im sorry that he is going through that
My poll was started in regards to this situation, but I was just wondering in general.
It is true, as the PP pointed out, that a one night stand would be different circumstances.
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| Posted 4/13/09 8:05 AM |
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mathteach
Roll Tide!
Member since 8/08 3169 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
Posted by Nifheim
In this circumstance yes and I think in most cases. I feel if it was a one night stand or a fling then it might be best to do it in secret.
ITA.
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| Posted 4/13/09 8:10 AM |
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Goldi0218
My miracles!
Member since 12/05 23902 total posts
Name:
Leslie
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
Your family member stepped up, accepted responsibility, and did what he felt was the right thing to do. I am willing to bet he would have supported her decision had she consulted him. I am so sorry.
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| Posted 4/13/09 8:20 AM |
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imyself
Member since 10/06 2938 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
In this case she should have told him. The fact she lied about a m/c is heartbreaking. I feel for you family member.
In general cases i think it depends on the situation.
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| Posted 4/13/09 8:23 AM |
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GioiaMia
Let's Go Rangers!
Member since 1/07 14818 total posts
Name:
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
It depends on the situation. If the father would have no involvement if the child WAS born, then why should he know? BUT, in that situation where he was willing to BE a father - then definitely!
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| Posted 4/13/09 8:23 AM |
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Tabitha
Member since 2/07 2029 total posts
Name:
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
Posted by waterspout4
Posted by Tabitha
wow, i feel awful for your family member. Im not sure if your poll is in regards to this specific situation, or in general. i answered yes, your family member shouldve been part of that decision.
im sorry that he is going through that
My poll was started in regards to this situation, but I was just wondering in general.
It is true, as the PP pointed out, that a one night stand would be different circumstances.
yes, i agree. your family member's situation is very different from a person who has an abortion after a one night stand.
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| Posted 4/13/09 8:25 AM |
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KGools
Happy
Member since 9/06 9532 total posts
Name:
Kim
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
In this case, 100% yes. How could she do that to him 
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| Posted 4/13/09 8:30 AM |
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Porrruss
Nya nya nya
Member since 5/05 11618 total posts
Name:
Amy
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
In this circumstance- absolutely. If it was a result of a fling or casual relationship, then no.
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| Posted 4/13/09 9:00 AM |
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LightUpOurLife
Totally in love
Member since 8/06 12785 total posts
Name:
Bonnie-Jean
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
In this circumstance, yes. So sad.
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| Posted 4/13/09 9:08 AM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
i am torn. i really don't know. what if she thought that he would really pressure her to keep the baby? and she didn't want to break his heart or really hurt him by making such a difficult choice after finding out that he wanted to keep the baby?
i feel awful for both of them
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| Posted 4/13/09 9:11 AM |
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Nik211
my little monkey<3
Member since 5/08 3303 total posts
Name:
Nik
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
i dont know, ultimately i feel that its the womans decision whether or not the father agrees to it or not...so whether she told him or not it probably wouldn't have made a difference in her decision - it probably would have just made her feel worse if he wanted to keep it (which he kind of already said he did, and then he proposed)
deep down she probably knew she wasnt ready for the baby and didnt want the pressure from him to continue with the pregnancy....it must have been a really hard decision for her - i can think of a ton of reasons she lied about it - who wants to say they had an abortion KWIM? a kid is life changing and if she wasnt ready i think what she did was responsible, i hate when people have babies b/c "its the right thing" to do and then pawn them off on other people and dont take care of them (sorry for my mini vent  )....
i dont know im iffy one this question, i think yes, generally speaking the father should know, but i can see why in this scenario she lied - i always try to put myself in other peoples shoes to try and understand why they might have done what they did
i feel bad that they didnt talk about it - i feel sad for both of them
ETA: im just curious how you know about this? it seems like this kind of thing should be kept between the two of them and not a family matter kwim?....
Message edited 4/13/2009 9:23:51 AM.
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| Posted 4/13/09 9:20 AM |
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Cheeks24
Living a dream
Member since 1/08 8589 total posts
Name:
Cheeks
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
Absolutely.
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| Posted 4/13/09 9:29 AM |
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
I said other. Normally I would say no.
If it was a one night stand or not in a relationship the father wouldn't need to know.
In this situation the father should have been told. If she wasn't sure she wanted to keep the baby, she shouldn't have taken him to the sonogram. If she aborted the baby right away I could see not telling him. After the sonogram he should have been told of her decisions.
I don't know how she could keep that secret from someone she loved. Or how she thought a relationship would last when the lie was discovered.
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| Posted 4/13/09 9:33 AM |
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waterspout4
My loves
Member since 5/06 19150 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
Posted by Nik211
ETA: im just curious how you know about this? it seems like this kind of thing should be kept between the two of them and not a family matter kwim?....
I am very close with him. Only 3 of us knew she was PG in the first place, so it wasn't common knowledge. They wanted to talk with me because she got PG right after I got PG, so we were sharing our PG with each other.
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| Posted 4/13/09 9:33 AM |
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DonnaJoe708
Hello
Member since 5/05 4002 total posts
Name:
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
In this situation, yes he had a right to know.
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| Posted 4/13/09 9:35 AM |
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Nik211
my little monkey<3
Member since 5/08 3303 total posts
Name:
Nik
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
Posted by waterspout4
Posted by Nik211
ETA: im just curious how you know about this? it seems like this kind of thing should be kept between the two of them and not a family matter kwim?....
I am very close with him. Only 3 of us knew she was PG in the first place, so it wasn't common knowledge. They wanted to talk with me because she got PG right after I got PG, so we were sharing our PG with each other.
ok that makes sense - its good that he has someone to talk to about it.....i am pretty sure i would be pretty upset if i was in his shoes - but maybe he can understand how she was feeling too. 18 IS young to have to deal with something like that so he should keep that in mind 
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| Posted 4/13/09 9:41 AM |
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kimbalina
Bring on the glitter and bows!
Member since 6/08 15158 total posts
Name:
Kim
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
Wow!!! What a tough situation!! 
I would say that the father should know.. If he already knew there was a baby, then he should know whatever may go on with it.
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| Posted 4/13/09 9:55 AM |
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sj-girl
Happy Family of 4
Member since 5/08 5654 total posts
Name:
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
Posted by mathteach
Posted by Nifheim
In this circumstance yes and I think in most cases. I feel if it was a one night stand or a fling then it might be best to do it in secret.
ITA.
I agree with this too
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| Posted 4/13/09 9:57 AM |
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MissRadiant
Happily Ever After
Member since 9/08 2534 total posts
Name:
N
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
Although I would say Yes for this particular situation looking at the bigger picture I would have to say no. How can they determine if the pregnancy is due to a one night stand, rape etc. By needing the permission to get an abortion this might either prevent women from doing it or might have them lie about the father.
On a moral issue I feel that a man has just as much of a right to make the decision that the woman has. The outcome of the abortion is something that will affect two people not just one. I feel really horrible for your cousin and although she may have had good reasons for lying I still think that it was very deceitful of her to do so. If she lied to him about this whatelse can she keep from him?
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| Posted 4/13/09 10:00 AM |
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SecretName21
LIF Zygote
Member since 4/07 12 total posts
Name:
Secret
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
In that situation -- yes I think he had a right to know. They were together, and chances are that him believing that she m/c'd was something that he felt devastated about at the time. She should have been honest.
However in every case its not so cut and dry.
In my situation, no the guy never knew that I had an abortion. He was a co-worker that I should never have been involved with in the first place, because he had a live-in girlfriend. I was young and stupid and didn't think of the consequences of getting involved with a guy like that.
I had actually been quitting the job for another one anyway, and the day I found out, I never returned to my job since 2 days later was my last day anyway. Didn't want to face him or the reality of my situation. For me, I knew he wouldn't be involved and wouldn't want me to have it anyway. So I made the decision myself and never saw him again.
Every situation is different, while many feel the guy has a right to know, if it is a casual encounter like my situation was, I did not care about letting him know. It would have been pointless IMO.
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| Posted 4/13/09 10:01 AM |
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waterspout4
My loves
Member since 5/06 19150 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Should the baby's father know when a woman gets an abortion- POLL
Posted by SecretName21
In that situation -- yes I think he had a right to know. They were together, and chances are that him believing that she m/c'd was something that he felt devastated about at the time. She should have been honest.
However in every case its not so cut and dry.
In my situation, no the guy never knew that I had an abortion. He was a co-worker that I should never have been involved with in the first place, because he had a live-in girlfriend. I was young and stupid and didn't think of the consequences of getting involved with a guy like that.
I had actually been quitting the job for another one anyway, and the day I found out, I never returned to my job since 2 days later was my last day anyway. Didn't want to face him or the reality of my situation. For me, I knew he wouldn't be involved and wouldn't want me to have it anyway. So I made the decision myself and never saw him again.
Every situation is different, while many feel the guy has a right to know, if it is a casual encounter like my situation was, I did not care about letting him know. It would have been pointless IMO.
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| Posted 4/13/09 10:06 AM |
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