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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: OMG I am freaking out!!!!!!!!!!!!
First and foremost, I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with the thought of going back to work. It will get easier with time,
Secondly, haven't you ever heard the term "it takes a village"? It really does and it's good to have other people you can trust with your child in your "village"  I think that part of the problem with our society is that we put way too much pressure on ourselves to do it all. You can't. Lighten up on yourself and the guilt that you're obviously feeling. Trust me that your child will be just fine
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Posted 8/14/09 9:01 PM  |
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munchkinbugs
My little loves!
Member since 1/06 8093 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: OMG I am freaking out!!!!!!!!!!!!
DD is in daycare 7 hours a day....and while she is with them most of the day, she knows that I'M her mommy and love her most in life. I spend every waking minute with her when we are home. The time we spend is quality time, playing, reading, coloring, shopping together.
They know the difference. DD does not cry for her teachers when she is home, like she cries for me at daycare.
I know it's hard. But you will get thru it and realize over time that the bond you have will NEVER go away. And I do disagree with you. Your baby sitter may be taking care of him, but she will not even compare to his mommy. EVER. Don't forget that. 
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| Posted 8/14/09 9:15 PM |
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lovemy2boys
LIF Adult
Member since 10/07 3915 total posts
Name:
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Re: OMG I am freaking out!!!!!!!!!!!!
I"m sorry you are going through this . truth be told , I was working FT and my MIL was taking care of baby. I really did feel that she was raising him ,My baby, bc all I did was bathe , feed, and read books at night. he was there from 8 am to 530 pm, so all day long. I personally coudln't deal w/ it so I'm no longer working. I know I shouldn't have felt that way but I did and it was killing me bc he was so small.and oddly enough I really started resenting my MIL!! as far as teacher's raising kids, I don't think that way, these kids HAVE to go to school so Its not like parents stop raising them at that point.
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| Posted 8/14/09 9:16 PM |
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Candy Girl
Candy girl- you are so sweet!
Member since 11/07 6349 total posts
Name:
erin
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Re: OMG I am freaking out!!!!!!!!!!!!
It is very hard to go back to work...I felt lucky to have had a teacher's schedule...I know working Moms who don't get home until 6 or 7 and they hate it...
Instead of dreading work and making your last couple of weeks of summer and SAH time with DS miserable, you could always think in the short term. Go back to work in September and make it through to Halloween...focus on what you'll dress your cute little boy up as...then look towards Thaksgiving and the long holiday weekend...and then December etc. If during this time you really hate working and are just not doing well as a working Mom, you can start looking at new ways to budget so that you CAN be a SAHM.
In the end, I was really happy with my decision to go back to work. I love my colleagues and had a fun time teaching (though I teach HS...very different from 3 year olds...though on some days, not so much...) Next semester I have a 7:30-2:00 schedule with a 30 minute commute. DD will be in daycare and the earliest I can pick her up is 4:30. I am ELATED to have that 2 hours to myself. I can go back to the gym, start dinner, rest, have the apartment to myself, read a magazine...
Anyway, I digressed a bit...but maybe from hearing the positive perspective you won't be dreading work so much.
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| Posted 8/14/09 9:57 PM |
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babyonthebrain
Brotherly Love!
Member since 1/08 6209 total posts
Name:
Rafaela
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Re: OMG I am freaking out!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by twicethefun
WHile I see why you are feeling so upset and I understand your point about someone else raising your child. You need to think long term. Your child will only be with your babysitter unitl elementary school and then the whole word will change again. For the long road you are raising your child, but you are right in thinking that your baby sitter will have a major impact on your little one.. But that can be a really good thing.
I love that my little one loves her babysitter. SHe is like another mom to her. But only a secondary mom, and only a temporary one at that. I think its great that she has someonelse that she can count on and I hope that her babysittter will always be some part of her life, but I doubt it.
You will be ok and so will your baby.
It will be hard but you will both adjust and come to accept your circumstances. It might turn out to be something you would never want to change.
I tend to to think it is naive to think that anyone else is raising your child. I think a child care provider might think so, especially if they have never had a child of their own. There is a definate difference between babysitter/teacher/coach and parent. This coming from a mom who is only a part time teacher since my first child was born. I do not need to defend the position of being a fulltime working mom with children in daycare, but I choose to. My dd only spends 3 days in daycare and my big guy starts kindergarten this september.
Yes you're right, indeed this is only until he starts kindergarten. I just think these first few years are so precious and have such a huge impact in a person's personality I can't help it but to feel this way. By the time he goes to school he will havbe developed most of his personality and I can't help but to think my contribution won't be as great because I'm working you know what I mean? 
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| Posted 8/15/09 11:47 AM |
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babyonthebrain
Brotherly Love!
Member since 1/08 6209 total posts
Name:
Rafaela
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Re: OMG I am freaking out!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by computergirl
Posted by Mikismom
a sitter or a teacher only do a piece of this.....
It's a pretty large and meaningful piece though! I'm a SAHM so I have no vested interest in this, but I really don't think childcare providers get enough credit for the work they do. They spend 8 to 10 hours a day with these little people, caring for them through all their ups and downs and daily challenges, yet their work is dismissed as just "babysitting" and not a significant participant in the raising of a child.
To make a weak analogy-- sure, doctors do their rounds at the hospital and are the ultimate decision-makers regarding their patients, but where would those patients be without the day-to-day, hour-to-hour care and attention from nurses? By giving the nurses their rightful credit, you're not taking away from the role of the doctor or somehow saying that the doctor isn't really caring for her patient. You're just giving credit where credit is due.
You have a great point! I will be spending most of the time with these preschoolers and there is SO much I teach them. At that age it is not the ABC's and 123's that are important. It is teaching them to behave with peers, and have proper manners! I potty train almost all the children that come to class. (WHICH IS A HUGE MILESTONE) I think. Many of them don't know how to do anything for themselves and leave the school eyar very independent. For that school year I am their second mommy.
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| Posted 8/15/09 11:53 AM |
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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
Name:
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Re: OMG I am freaking out!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have worked in day care for over 20 years, never once in that time did I feel like I was raising anyone else's child. Have I loved them, cared for them, made sure they were safe and secure? You betcha but that isn't the only part of raising them. You will see your child's face light up everytime you come to pick up your DS. No One takes Momma's place, no one. I just wanted to give you some prespective from someone in child care
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| Posted 8/15/09 11:54 AM |
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babyonthebrain
Brotherly Love!
Member since 1/08 6209 total posts
Name:
Rafaela
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Re: OMG I am freaking out!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Jacksmommy
Isn't there a phrase "it takes a village to raise a child?" While I love my babysitter and my son does as well (and my son has been there since he was 8 weeks old, I am a teacher and I absolutely do not feel that I am "raising" other peoples children. Honestly, if there is no collaboration between parent and daycare provider, the things you mentioned would not happen. For example, if I was potty training a child at school, but the parent didn't follow through at home, that child would not be potty trained. Vice versa applies. It is a collaborative attempt. However, YOU are the child's parent. Even though right now you get home at 4, as your child gets older, he won't be going to bed at 6 anymore! You will spend more and more time with your child and you didn't even include the weekends and vacations! You might have your own opinion, but my honest opinion is if you have that mindset, that is making your transition back to work much harder. Honestly, I also wouldn't go around telling parents of the children in your class that you are raising them. You can say you are helping to raise them, but you are absolutely positivelyl NOT raising them singlehandedly and if a teacher EVER said that to me, I would pull my child out of the school so fast! JMO!
I feel this way because I taught preschool for 3 years of my career, then I moved up to 1st grade and now I am going back to preschool. For the duration of the school eyar I am a second mommy to these kids. Yes it is a collaborative effort if parents don't follow through at hom it is much more difficult to get it accomplished. And yes you have an excellent point, he will grow, his schedule will change and I am VERY lucky to have summers and holidays's off. Maybe I posted only the "negative" side of this situation. I am extremely grateful for the time I will ahve with my DS when I'm not working. It's just RIGHT NOW, while he's still so little and I am not going to be around as much as I want to. That really kills me.
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| Posted 8/15/09 11:57 AM |
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babyonthebrain
Brotherly Love!
Member since 1/08 6209 total posts
Name:
Rafaela
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Re: OMG I am freaking out!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by prncsslehcar
First and foremost, I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with the thought of going back to work. It will get easier with time,
Secondly, haven't you ever heard the term "it takes a village"? It really does and it's good to have other people you can trust with your child in your "village" I think that part of the problem with our society is that we put way too much pressure on ourselves to do it all. You can't. Lighten up on yourself and the guilt that you're obviously feeling. Trust me that your child will be just fine
yes I know he will be "just fine" I can't help the guilt, I don't wanna leave my baby period.
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| Posted 8/15/09 12:00 PM |
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lmrb
LIF Zygote
Member since 4/09 13 total posts
Name:
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Re: OMG I am freaking out!!!!!!!!!!!!
I totally feel your pain!! I went back to work this past April and it was torture! I am a teacher so thank God I have off in the summer but I am absolutely dreading going back to work in 2 weeks! I cry about it constantly and I know what you mean about the babysitter raising your child. HOWEVER, at the end of the day, your child knows who their mommy is and just keep in mind that it's quality and not quantity. Now a days it's so hard to have only one income and you are doing this for your baby. Just remember that every time you start to feel guilty. I wish I could say it gets easier, but I'm not sure it ever does. Hang in there!!! You are doing this for your child and don't forget that!!
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| Posted 8/15/09 12:07 PM |
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babyonthebrain
Brotherly Love!
Member since 1/08 6209 total posts
Name:
Rafaela
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Re: OMG I am freaking out!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank You for ALL your inputs!!!! It's so wonderful to read all your thoughts on this I truly appreciate it!!!!
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| Posted 8/15/09 12:09 PM |
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Re: OMG I am freaking out!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know it's hard, but I personally feel being able to work as well as raise a child makes me a better mother then I could ever be if I was with him 100% of the time.
I feel so lucky that he gets to spend time with his grandparents (especially grandpa!) while I am at work. It's a really special bond, one DH never even had with his father.
I also am planning to put DS in daycare for the socialization and learning aspects when he is around 2. I think that is soooooooooooooooo important.
I don't want to offend anyone who is a SAHM, but "sometimes" I have seen when it's just mommy/baby all the time and it's not a really healthy relationship for either. I know a situation where the baby girl is sweet, but also has a lot of really, really bad behaviors because she is only around mom all day, every day. I also think mom has way too much free time on her hands to "think" about others way too much and be way too critical and judgemental if you kwim!
My DS is going to be 8 months old and I swear the reason he is such a good baby has a lot to do with the fact that he's around others besides me everyday if that makes sense? He has a great deal of structure, routine, does not freak out around my family/friends and rarely cries. Maybe I'm crazy, but it's my belief.
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| Posted 8/15/09 12:30 PM |
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Re: OMG I am freaking out!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just another thought...........is there any way your child could go to where you are going to be teaching? Or stay with a close friend/family member? Maybe that would make things easier.
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| Posted 8/15/09 12:33 PM |
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littlejoy06
Love
Member since 3/07 6944 total posts
Name:
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Re: OMG I am freaking out!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| Posted 8/15/09 7:23 PM |
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babyonthebrain
Brotherly Love!
Member since 1/08 6209 total posts
Name:
Rafaela
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Re: OMG I am freaking out!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by mzsocialworker1
Just another thought...........is there any way your child could go to where you are going to be teaching? Or stay with a close friend/family member? Maybe that would make things easier.
I agree that prteschool is wonderful for socialization (after all I'm a preschool teacher..lol) However I think it is most beneficial at age 4. Unfortunately there is no way for him to be with me, I teach in public school, it is not a private daycare. So lots of legal issues with that......I wish I could bring him believe me. He could stay with my MIL if I wanted to but I do not trust her, I would rather this babysitter watch him, I trust her a lot more. This is just a hard situation no way around it sadly.
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| Posted 8/16/09 11:31 AM |
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