Although my problem is standard, I am feeling lost and desperate today, re: 4 month old naps (long)

I am perhaps overreacting, but I am feeling really depressed about this. I am a terrible sleeper and I am desperate to give DD healthy sleep habits. I am also afraid of being manipulated by her (a little harsh to say, but that is how I feel), but I am also afraid of CIO b/c I am just not sure it is right for her (or me).

DD will be 4 months on Friday. She is VERY alert and has been STTN for a couple of weeks. She used to fall asleep very well, sometimes on her own. However, it has been harder lately to get her to fall asleep lately because of her alertness or because of overtiredness (can take 1 - 2 hours of trying), but after rocking and feeding, when she does fall asleep, she goes down for 9 - 12 hours straight.

As for naps, she will fall asleep with nursing and rocking, but when I put her down she wakes up. She also has a very strong startle reflex, so I swaddle only one arm so she can suck her other thumb. If i do put her down and she stays asleep, she does not sleep for a long period of time.

I am reading Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child and I really like it. I have been getting DD to nap after 1 - 2 hours of wakefullness, desperately making sure she is not overtired.

Now that she will be 4 months, I feel she is older and getting in the habit of being rocked and nursed to sleep. In fact, sometimes she will not nap unless she is sleeping on me. But I am not comfortable with CIO. But perhaps I am being too sensitive b/c I know she is learning "I cry, mommy comes." I want her to know I am there for her, but I don't want to be manipulated either.

HSHHC says you should start CIO for naps at 4 months. Did anyone do this? Should I do this? How can I get DD to nap well on her own without CIO?

Re: Although my problem is standard, I am feeling lost and desperate today, re: 4 month old naps (long)

I have to say that I did CIO with both my kids- especially for naps. They didn't cry for long(maybe 10 minutes on the first go around) but it definately helped. Now both my kids are champion sleepers. There aremany ways to go about doing CIO and not every one fits each kid. My DD had to be left alone to cry herself to sleep with out me comforting her in any way- it just made it worse. For my son, he likes if I go in and rub his back when he cries and then leave him alone.

Give it a shot- you can always stop if it makes you uncomfortable.

Message edited 9/14/2009 1:00:15 PM.

Re: Although my problem is standard, I am feeling lost and desperate today, re: 4 month old naps (long)

I didn't do CIO until 5.5 months.
I wouldn't worry just yet. So many babies have a sleep regression at 4 months because they are becoming aware of their surroundings. Give it a couple of weeks and see if she goes back to her normal patterns.
At 4 months both my DC were sill napping in the swing. Now at 8.5 months I put them down awake in the crib and they both fall asleep within minutes.

Re: Although my problem is standard, I am feeling lost and desperate today, re: 4 month old naps (long)

Ugh, my heart goes out to you. We have been having very similar problems for awhile now. My DS needed to be walked to sleep, sometimes for over a half hour. He's a very big boy, and I have a bad back, and it was beginning to feel like my entire day was spent getting him to nap (he also only slept 30 mins at a time). The day he turned 4 months, we did CIO at night (the ped recommended it at 3 months, but I just couldn't do it then). We kind of winged it, and decided to try it just at bedtime first and see how it went. We also decided to let him cry for only 30 mins (again, we were just making this up based on what we were comfortable with and what our son is like). He cried for 25 minutes the first night, then slept for almost 12 hours! I wasn't going to even try for naps, but the next day, on a whim, I just put him down for a nap after our routine (without walking him around) and he went down! AND he started napping for 1.5 hours!! It was amazing. Now, since then things have fallen apart a bit due to sickness, vaccinations, etc. (isn't that always the way?) but we've never had to walk him to sleep since.

I know how frustrating and depressing it can be to have a child with sleep issues. I have been dealing with PPD and it totally makes my symptoms ten times worse when he won't sleep. It sounds so trivial, but when you hear of people who have children who are such good sleepers, and you are reading all the books and trying all the techniques to no avail, it can really kill your spirit and make you feel like a crappy mommy (sleep deprivation might have something to do with that). Hang in there!!

Re: Although my problem is standard, I am feeling lost and desperate today, re: 4 month old naps (long)

Thanks everyone. Tonight has been rough. It took over 2 hours to get DD and she did NOT want to be put down. She cried and cried (I did too). I kept going in to her at certain times and I thought that sometimes she would soothe herself to sleep. But she didn't. I don't know if I should have, but I eventually picked her up and she fell asleep on me. After many attempts, I was finally able to put her down. And now she missed some good sleep as well. I hope I don't have to do CIO, though. It kills me when she is really crying so hard.

Re: Although my problem is standard, I am feeling lost and desperate today, re: 4 month old naps (long)

going through a similar problem with my 5 1/2 month old. i just spent 30 min rocking him in his bouncer to get him to sleep. i'll be transfering him into the pack and play in my room in a bit b/c i can"t let him sleep in his room yet. he'd wake my older son b/c he cries all night.

we tried cio for a while and after 2 1/2 hours of hysterics i gave up!