How to confront someone with an eating disorder?

My husband owns a restaurant and we have a customer who we believes suffer with bulimia. After each meal she goes to the ladies room and vomit either in the toliet bowel or garbage pile. Should we inform her husband? Or confront her directly? We are concerned for her well being just don't know want to do. Please help. Thanks!

Re: How to confront someone with an eating disorder?

As a SWer, Ive dealt with many cases like the one you describe. Always keep this in mind when helping someone you ALWAYS want to keep them closer. Meaning if you truly want to help, you dont want to piss them off or scare them away. So basically both of your ideas most likely wont work. How close are you to her? Maybe try to maintain some type of connection where you can steer her in the right direction without revealing the info you know. Then maybe she will confide in you. Basically, she didnt start this yesterday so it is going to take many years to rid. Usually they say that eating disorders fade rather then immediate solutions. Even when people with eating disorders go into treatment, they tend to compete with one another. Like I said, become friends with her and maybe she will be open to your help. Telling her husband will only aggravate the situation.

Re: How to confront someone with an eating disorder?

Unless you are a close (VERY CLOSE!) friend with her..

1/ none of your business
2/ she will run away and you don't know how worst you will make it.

She knows she has an issue. Trust me!

If I had an eating disorder and someone calls my DH, I would be majorly pi$$ed off.

Would your DH go to an overweight person and tell them they have to lose weight? Or call their wife or parents?

ETA: I feel this is way beyond the boundaries of caring for your customers. IMO.

Message edited 10/5/2009 3:34:57 PM.

Re: How to confront someone with an eating disorder?

Good advice.....she's not a friend just a customer. That is why I am having such a difficult time.

P.S. I don't have time to become friends because of the business we are in.

Re: How to confront someone with an eating disorder?

Thanks for your advice.

The issue is not a person being overweight or too thin. It's just not healthy at all.......she can DIE. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. In addition, I feel disrespected because this is an extension to my home.

Basically, you saying mind my business and just let her DIE?

Re: How to confront someone with an eating disorder?

wow... tough one. You are in a unique situation... Im not really quite sure what you should do Im a counselor and I worked on a crisis counseling line through grad school... my advice would normally be to stay close to the person, and try not to push them away. Use "I" messages so that they do not feel defensive. For example: I have noticed that sometimes when you eat you go to the bathroom and I am concerned. Tell the person that you are there for them no matter what and that they can always come to you for help. Personally, I would not tell her husband unless you felt as though she was sick. You could casually say something like.. are you sure your wife is ok? She doesn't seem well. I wouldn't bring up the ED issues specifically. Since she is a customer and not a friend... Im not really sure how involved you should get. I guess if it were me I would go with my gut. You are absolutely right that it is life threatening and I would have a problem watching and not doing anything as well. GL!

Re: How to confront someone with an eating disorder?

Re: How to confront someone with an eating disorder?

How long does she take in the restroom to throw up? If she is in the bathroom a long time can you knock on the door and act concerned?

I would play stupid - if you hear her throwing up, ask her if something was wrong with the food?

Re: How to confront someone with an eating disorder?

Re: How to confront someone with an eating disorder?

I would not. As you said, you're not a friend. I don't think it's your business. She could have some type of medical condition. I had my gall bladder out last year and before I did, I was throwing up after almost every meal. I cannot imagine that her husband is not aware what's going on if she goes to the bathroom right after she eats. Honestly, if he doesn't, I really don't think it's your place to tell her.

Re: How to confront someone with an eating disorder?

Re: How to confront someone with an eating disorder?

Based on all of the above info...I wouldnt say "let her die" but I also understand that reasonably you dont have the time/professional ability to help her at this time...which is OK. Basically, my advice to you is that you are going to have MANY customers walk in and out of your establishment with various mental/health issues....
YOU are not responsible for what happens to everyone. Dont take that upon yourself. The above posters have given some examples that "could" stop it at the moment BUT it will never stop it permanently. I do understand the position you are in but I wouldnt take someone elses issues and internalize them as what you have to do. Right now I would leave it alone based on everything you said.

Re: How to confront someone with an eating disorder?

people don't give up their addiction until they hit rock bottom (typically) so if your cocerned because of your business (vomiting in the bathroom is very disruptive if your a patron hearing it or viewing it) then i would walk into the bathroom or wait outside and say I hope everything is okay and smile and walk away. She might never come back or that might be her rock bottom to seek treatment.

I wouldn't walk up to her and say listen your sick you need to go to therapy because she most likely will not gracefully accept it.

Re: How to confront someone with an eating disorder?

Let it go. She knows she has a problem, and she either cannot or will not do anything about it right now. She probably knows it is dangerous. So pointing it out to her won't help her or you. If you are religious, pray for her, but that's about the extent of your involvement.

I used to work in a bar and there were people I thought were alcoholics, but unless they were about to harm or harass someone, there really wasn't anything to say to them. I wasn't friends with them, and yes, I found it sad to watch, but it just wasn't my place to talk to them about it.

Again, she is well aware of what she is doing. Good chance anyone close to her knows also. Be nice to her, and let it go.

Re: How to confront someone with an eating disorder?

In HS i had a friend who was bulimic.....nothing i could say or do would get her to stop...her parents eventually knew and she went to therapy and got better...so i doubt a casual acquaintance's words would do anything.

Re: How to confront someone with an eating disorder?

Re: How to confront someone with an eating disorder?

I don't think I would say anything. Me, my husband and several people I know have "stomach issues" (not necessarily throwing up but it has happened with my husband) after eating rich, heavy foods, especially from restaurants. It's embarassing enough but I probably would be mortified personally if someone confronted me on it after coming out of the bathroom. I know it's not necessarily the same thing, but still. You may not know the whole picture. for the woman.

Re: How to confront someone with an eating disorder?

Re: How to confront someone with an eating disorder?

I agree that I would ask her if she's feeling ok if you knew she threw up. I'd ask her everytime you know she's done it.

While it crosses the line to discuss it with her husband, I do think having someone continually getting sick in your bathroom isn't something you want to continue - for her sake AND for your business's sake.

I'm speaking for experience on this - you pointing it out will not change anything but pointing out that you're aware she is vomiting in your place of business will point out that it is unacceptable.

Re: How to confront someone with an eating disorder?

Re: How to confront someone with an eating disorder?

Thanks for your advice.....very helpful.

Re: How to confront someone with an eating disorder?

Thanks for your advice.....I will take that approach. Wish me luck.....keep you posted.

Re: How to confront someone with an eating disorder?

Thank you! Thank you! You're the first person to seem to know where I am going with this. Besides, it being a health issue it's gross for other patrons to deal with and unfair for the staff to clean.

Re: How to confront someone with an eating disorder?

I don't think it's your place to say anything to her, or anyone else who is with her.
You don't know for sure that she has an eating disorder, so you could really insult her if you're wrong.

Re: How to confront someone with an eating disorder?