Money, the Holidays & SK's!!

Ahhh I don't know if this will be more of a vent or where I am going with this. I'm feeling so torn with my financial situation and obligation's towards SK's and the Holiday's. As a reminder, we have 2 - Boy 16, Girl 14 (soon to be 15 ) Where does the time go?!

I've been in their lives for about 10 year's now and we generally spend between $300 - $500 on them each for Christmas depending on what they want, their behavior and our financial situation at the time. It was a lot easier before while we were in an apartment, we were able to save more and had more freedom to spend money as we wanted. This year, we bought a house so it's a little tight. Anyhow, SD the other day piped out that she wants a Macbook for Christmas. My response was, "wow that's a rather expensive gift...." to which she said, "Well, you guys usually spend about $500 on us for Christmas so it will be a combined Christmas/Bday Gift!" ummm.... ok. So I explained to her that while we may have spent that in the past when we could, that is not generally a rule that we spend that much. I suggested that she ask everyone for money for Christmas and save it until her Birthday where she could again, ask for money, and save up to buy herself a macbook. She didn't like that idea because she asked her mom to get her a $500 guitar - again, I'm like.... . Her mom has 4 kids and one SK to buy for, that's a bit over the top but really none of my business, i'm just saying.

DH forwarded me a link this morning for a macbook and I responded asking him where his Money Tree is.

I do feel bad. I want to be able to give them the things they want to make them happy but SD just got a brand new laptop last Christmas which she destroyed and is full of spyware from all the garbage she puts on it. Now she is already talking about her sweet 16 and getting a cake from "Cake Boss." I don't want to be one of those stepmother's who are mean and don't do nice things for their SK. However, things are really tight right now yet DH is making me feel bad that I won't make this happen for SD. Can anyone put this into perspective for me? I can't really put it into words how i'm feeling....torn is the only thing I can say. It was so easy when they were little but now the older they are getting, the bigger the price tag on everything. I know teens can be very selfish and i'm really ok with that but i'm starting to feel inadequate about providing for them.

Any advice or even words of encouragement would be really appreciated. Anyone else feel like this?

Re: Money, the Holidays & SK's!!

Do you have a good relationship with her mom? Maybe you could all chip in and buy her the guitar together and then you can also get her something smaller. AND it might be good if either you and your DH or you, DH, and biomom to sit down with her and explain that money doesn't grow on trees.

I personally wouldn't get her the Macbook if she just got one last year and ruined it. It sounds like she doesn't really have respect for money or her poessession yet so buying her expensive things is just a waste of money. If she wants the money from you and save up the rest from her birthday and babysitting or whatever, you might do that as a compromise.

DH is totally out of line for making you feel guilty about it too. You guys should sit down and have a talk about the Christmas budget and make sure you're on the same page. It isnt' unreasonable to say no to getting new laptops every single Christmas, especially if they can't take care of their things.

Re: Money, the Holidays & SK's!!

I agree, if she got one already last Christmas and destroyed it - then I would not buy her a new one. Who is to say she won't destroy this next one should you and DH spend $500 on a new one? I think your suggestion of her saving her own money/gift cards is a great one and a great way to teach a nearly 15 year old that if she really wants something she can work towards making it happen - especially if she didn't take good care of the first one.

Also, you shouldn't feel guilty for not being able to provide expensive gifts for Christmas or birthdays. I agree as they get older the price tags get bigger, but I was always taught to appreciate what we did get instead of worrying about what we didn't get. I know it is hard, my SD asks for very expensive gifts and we have simply told her "no" not because we don't want to but because we cannot afford it some of the things she asks for. We (and our families) have been accused of being cheap and not caring about her and what makes her happy, but that doesn't change the fact that we give her what we can and not go crazy in debt over it.

I also agree that you and DH should have a talk about the Christmas budget and be sure that you both are on the same page no matter what or how guilty you may start to feel.

Good Luck!