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Linda1003
love my 2 boys
Member since 8/08 10923 total posts
Name:
Linda
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
Posted by MarisaK
The OP isn't paying her to be entertained, she's paying her to babysit for her child - And if she's 'bored' and needs company, maybe she's not doing her job ........or, if she's bored, maybe she needs to find a new job. - IMO, there is a SIGNIFICANT difference between being with your OWN kids all day and needing to get out ot the house, do things, see people etc etc and being PAID as a JOB to be w/ someone's kids all day -
My JOB gets boring too, I don't have my husband come and hang out w/ in my office for a few hours .........
And I don't think ANY babysitter is required to have visitors in another person's HOME. - I don't alllow my own MIL to have her boyfriend or sisters or others in my home while she's there - (other than BIL and SIL) (there's a longer story to that) but part of it is the fact that I don't feel she needs to be entertaining people in MY home while she's with her Grandsom ONE day a week . -
As far as having lunch delivered, I think that's a bit ridiculous - This is a grown woman, I'm sure she's capable of opening the door, paying the guy and seeing him out ........
Confront her - don't let her know you have the cameras though .....
Im going to agree with this. At first I was going to say what's the big deal but really..this is her job. We aren't allowed visitors at our jobs. If she is bored maybe she should find activities to do with your DC to keep both of them entertained and stimulated.
Ordering food...I think is fine though.
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Posted 3/5/10 8:59 AM  |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
Posted by ctrain1124
Posted by eddiesmommy
I would totally not let the daughter thing or the delivery guy bother me (although, he should not be let into the house) but I totally get the strange man. That would bother me.
I would ease up a bit on having her daughter by and let that go, especially since she is away at school, she probably just misses her and wants to see her as much as possible before she has to head back.
However, I would say, you know, I know you said you had your daughter here but one of my neighbors saw a man they didnt recognize also enter the home and give her a chance to explain. If she lies.....Id fire her. If she explains, then I would reiterate the rule one more time and if it happens again, definitely let her go.
I agree with this
I agree too.
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| Posted 3/5/10 9:01 AM |
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NW2006
LIF Adolescent
Member since 7/06 535 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
I would not tell her about the cameras, and I wouldn't have a scene, but I would have to let her go. She lied to you and let others in your home, around your DC. That's the bottom line. It doesn't matter who they are. If you find someone new, tell them up front about the cameras so that there can be open communication if you see something you are not happy with. Good luck and I'm sorry this happened to you. 
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| Posted 3/5/10 9:01 AM |
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Xelindrya
Mommy's little YouTube Star!
Member since 8/05 14470 total posts
Name:
Veronica
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
I'm sorry. I may get flamed for this but...
Dump the *****!
I take the care of my child VERY seriously. If I said never wear green, its my #1 rule and you find ways around it a few times then grow bold enough to just do it behind my back well that shows you have no respect for me! And that's an over-exaggeration and I know it.
But your rule is valid. Her asking you here and there, well that's ok. If you had an issue like "hey its flu season and your college daughter is exposed to so much more than my child, do you mind holding off on visiting until you're home away from my baby?" ... well if that's the case then you have a right to say "not today".
To just ignore your rules now as 'its ok' since you may have let her once or twice in the past is so utterly disrespectful. That alone is a deal breaker for me but then she adds that strange man. She obviously knew you wanted NO ONE in the home including her own children, why in god's name would she think a unknown man would be ok?
That's just blatantly rude.
No this would NOT fly with me. And frankly I'd probably let her know without telling her how you know. Let her wonder if someone told on her or if you have cameras (make sure they are well hidden).
Time to look for a new babysitter, if it were me. Not even my daycare lets strangers in 
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| Posted 3/5/10 9:06 AM |
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Marbo
LOVE
Member since 7/08 2374 total posts
Name:
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
Posted by Linda1003
Posted by MarisaK
The OP isn't paying her to be entertained, she's paying her to babysit for her child - And if she's 'bored' and needs company, maybe she's not doing her job ........or, if she's bored, maybe she needs to find a new job. - IMO, there is a SIGNIFICANT difference between being with your OWN kids all day and needing to get out ot the house, do things, see people etc etc and being PAID as a JOB to be w/ someone's kids all day -
My JOB gets boring too, I don't have my husband come and hang out w/ in my office for a few hours .........
And I don't think ANY babysitter is required to have visitors in another person's HOME. - I don't alllow my own MIL to have her boyfriend or sisters or others in my home while she's there - (other than BIL and SIL) (there's a longer story to that) but part of it is the fact that I don't feel she needs to be entertaining people in MY home while she's with her Grandsom ONE day a week . -
As far as having lunch delivered, I think that's a bit ridiculous - This is a grown woman, I'm sure she's capable of opening the door, paying the guy and seeing him out ........
Confront her - don't let her know you have the cameras though .....
Im going to agree with this. At first I was going to say what's the big deal but really..this is her job. We aren't allowed visitors at our jobs. If she is bored maybe she should find activities to do with your DC to keep both of them entertained and stimulated.
Ordering food...I think is fine though.
I agree with all of this.
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| Posted 3/5/10 9:11 AM |
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MrsDrMatt
Live and RUN like a Ninja!
Member since 5/06 3104 total posts
Name:
MrsDrMatt
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
Posted by ChrisDee
With all due respect, It sounds like you do not trust this women's judgement at all. Which seems a little wierd if you are letting her care for your child. I would assume that you and DH order food in sometimes. Is this grown women not capable of doing the same? It sounds like she successfully rasied a few kids.I would never let someone that I gave that little respect to, watch my child. I totally understand not wanting strangers in your home, but her own children. If I had to stay at home all day with my own kids and not be able to have my mom or siblings come over, I would go out of my mind. IMO It is an unrealistic and unfair request. That being said, she new the rules and broke them. So I would say you need to have a conversation with her. You may lose an otherwise good sitter over this.
I agree with this.
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| Posted 3/5/10 9:28 AM |
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leighla
Support Cancer Research
Member since 5/05 16353 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
Bottom line...are you comfortable with her anymore?
Do YOU feel you can trust her anymore?
If the answer to either of those two questions is "no", then just tell her it's not working it out.
You don't necessarily owe her any further explanation.
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| Posted 3/5/10 9:31 AM |
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pickles16
Real Estate Professional
Member since 11/07 17227 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
Posted by CrankyPants
Posted by ctrain1124
Posted by eddiesmommy
I would totally not let the daughter thing or the delivery guy bother me (although, he should not be let into the house) but I totally get the strange man. That would bother me.
I would ease up a bit on having her daughter by and let that go, especially since she is away at school, she probably just misses her and wants to see her as much as possible before she has to head back.
However, I would say, you know, I know you said you had your daughter here but one of my neighbors saw a man they didnt recognize also enter the home and give her a chance to explain. If she lies.....Id fire her. If she explains, then I would reiterate the rule one more time and if it happens again, definitely let her go.
I agree with this
I agree too.
Totally Agree with you and Veronica/Xelindra
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| Posted 3/5/10 9:34 AM |
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eddiesmommy
best buds!
Member since 5/09 11524 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
Posted by leighla
Bottom line...are you comfortable with her anymore?
Do YOU feel you can trust her anymore?
If the answer to either of those two questions is "no", then just tell her it's not working it out.
You don't necessarily owe her any further explanation.
good point.
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| Posted 3/5/10 9:35 AM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
Posted by leighla
Bottom line...are you comfortable with her anymore?
Do YOU feel you can trust her anymore?
If the answer to either of those two questions is "no", then just tell her it's not working it out.
You don't necessarily owe her any further explanation.
I think this is the crux of it.
it doesn't matter how any of US feel or would react, what matters is how YOU feel about the person taking care of something so precious to you.
I would not have these rules with my MIL b/c well, just b/c she is a grown woman and I have FULL confidence and faith that regardless of what they day brings her (who comes over, who calls) my son is priority #1.
but she is not a family member. she is your neighbor.
I honestly cannot say how I would feel and react if the care taker of my child lied to me. regardless if it was to cover up a rule that MAYBE was a little too stringent.
I wish you luck with whatever you decide. but most of all, you MUST be comfortable enough to walk out that door knowing your child is protected and nurtured the way you want above all.
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| Posted 3/5/10 10:24 AM |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
Posted by eddiesmommy
Posted by leighla
Bottom line...are you comfortable with her anymore?
Do YOU feel you can trust her anymore?
If the answer to either of those two questions is "no", then just tell her it's not working it out.
You don't necessarily owe her any further explanation.
good point.
I agree again-regardless of how the rest of us feel, it comes down to how you feel and if you can trust the person who is caring for your child.
If you can't, then she goes.
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| Posted 3/5/10 10:30 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
I agree that it doesn't sound like you trust her - and it is warranted. If she knew you didn't want people dropping by, not only does she not respect your wishes, she lies to you about it.
My mom watched a toddler for a few years. If I was off, I would bring her lunch at the house & take pictures of the little girl to give to the mom. That mom had no issue with it. The child would have lunch with us & it was like a mini-playdate.
Personally I think you need to decide if this is a deal breaker. For me, I wouldn't care if the daughters came by on occasion if my daughter was being engaged. It sounds like it's a more regular thing & she's including other people, which I wouldn't be comfortable with either.
As for the delivery guy, I think you're overreacting.
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| Posted 3/5/10 10:43 AM |
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eroxgirl
My Loves
Member since 5/05 15697 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
Posted by nrthshgrl
I agree that it doesn't sound like you trust her - and it is warranted. If she knew you didn't want people dropping by, not only does she not respect your wishes, she lies to you about it.
My mom watched a toddler for a few years. If I was off, I would bring her lunch at the house & take pictures of the little girl to give to the mom. That mom had no issue with it. The child would have lunch with us & it was like a mini-playdate.
Personally I think you need to decide if this is a deal breaker. For me, I wouldn't care if the daughters came by on occasion if my daughter was being engaged. It sounds like it's a more regular thing & she's including other people, which I wouldn't be comfortable with either.
As for the delivery guy, I think you're overreacting.
ITA with all of this.
The main reason why I fired my babysitter was because I lost trust in her because she had the audacity to tell me "I could have lied to you." To my ears, that came across like "I will lie to you in the future." And shortly afterward she was fired. If you don't trust her, then she has to go.
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| Posted 3/5/10 10:54 AM |
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maybesoon
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 5981 total posts
Name:
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
wow, I would be livid about the strange man! Maybe it was one of the daughters BF?
I feel that if anyone is being taped they should know about it before hand JMO
But what I would do if I were you is tell her that one of your nosy neighbors called you to ask who the people were at your home. so you can say , x neighbor saw one man and 2 girls who were they? That way she won't know how you really found out.
Message edited 3/5/2010 11:04:55 AM.
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| Posted 3/5/10 11:00 AM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
I would tell her a neighbor told you about all the "visitors" she had. However, IMO, she already lied b/c she omitted a LOT of details and people in her story to you. So she can never be trusted again. She is gone IMO....I am sorry this happened to you.
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| Posted 3/5/10 11:15 AM |
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lullabella
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 2246 total posts
Name:
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
Posted by ChrisDee
With all due respect, It sounds like you do not trust this women's judgement at all. Which seems a little wierd if you are letting her care for your child. I would assume that you and DH order food in sometimes. Is this grown women not capable of doing the same? It sounds like she successfully rasied a few kids.I would never let someone that I gave that little respect to, watch my child. I totally understand not wanting strangers in your home, but her own children. If I had to stay at home all day with my own kids and not be able to have my mom or siblings come over, I would go out of my mind. IMO It is an unrealistic and unfair request. That being said, she new the rules and broke them. So I would say you need to have a conversation with her. You may lose an otherwise good sitter over this.
Totally agree!
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| Posted 3/5/10 11:18 AM |
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Tfor3
LIF Infant
Member since 9/06 291 total posts
Name:
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
Posted by Goobster
I would tell her a neighbor told you about all the "visitors" she had. However, IMO, she already lied b/c she omitted a LOT of details and people in her story to you. So she can never be trusted again. She is gone IMO....I am sorry this happened to you.
Coming from someone who had issues with a babysitter breaking rules, I completely agree. There needs to be a certain level of trust that she will abide by your wishes regarding your home and your child. Now that you know she lied, I think it would be tough to completely trust her going forward. Sorry you are going through this. I know how stressful it is.
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| Posted 3/5/10 11:47 AM |
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
I'm another one who didn't see the big deal with her daughter coming over- but now that other people are there- I would let her go. She doesn't need any explanation.
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| Posted 3/5/10 11:50 AM |
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monkeybride
My Everything
Member since 5/05 20541 total posts
Name:
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
Posted by Fasc0730
Posted by ChrisDee
With all due respect, It sounds like you do not trust this women's judgement at all. Which seems a little wierd if you are letting her care for your child. I would assume that you and DH order food in sometimes. Is this grown women not capable of doing the same? It sounds like she successfully rasied a few kids.I would never let someone that I gave that little respect to, watch my child. I totally understand not wanting strangers in your home, but her own children. If I had to stay at home all day with my own kids and not be able to have my mom or siblings come over, I would go out of my mind. IMO It is an unrealistic and unfair request. That being said, she new the rules and broke them. So I would say you need to have a conversation with her. You may lose an otherwise good sitter over this.
honestly i agree with this.
I agree too.
The man thing would definitely bug me but ordering food or having her daughter's stop by doesn't seem like the end of the world to me.
But bottom line is she broke your rule so if this is a rule you plan to keep in effect I guess you need to look for a new babysitter.
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| Posted 3/5/10 11:51 AM |
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computergirl
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3118 total posts
Name:
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
To me, having the daughters over is no big deal. Having the delivery guy step inside is no big deal. Even the strange guy, while not ideal in my book, isn't a HUGE deal to me since I'm sure it was one of the daughter's boyfriends or something... not a total stranger and not being left alone with the child or anything.
The big dealbreaker for me is that she lied. Doesn't matter what she lied about (having the daughters over, ordering food, etc)... just the fact that she lied. If she lied about this repeatedly, what else will she feel free to lie about? That's what seals the deal for me-- she would have to go.
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| Posted 3/5/10 11:51 AM |
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summerBaby10
let's be nice
Member since 9/07 10208 total posts
Name:
Wifey
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
Posted by eddiesmommy
I would totally not let the daughter thing or the delivery guy bother me (although, he should not be let into the house) but I totally get the strange man. That would bother me.
I would ease up a bit on having her daughter by and let that go, especially since she is away at school, she probably just misses her and wants to see her as much as possible before she has to head back.
However, I would say, you know, I know you said you had your daughter here but one of my neighbors saw a man they didnt recognize also enter the home and give her a chance to explain. If she lies.....Id fire her. If she explains, then I would reiterate the rule one more time and if it happens again, definitely let her go.
ITA
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| Posted 3/5/10 11:55 AM |
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Michelle1123
Baby #5 on the way!
Member since 9/05 7919 total posts
Name:
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
Posted by Linda1003
Posted by MarisaK
The OP isn't paying her to be entertained, she's paying her to babysit for her child - And if she's 'bored' and needs company, maybe she's not doing her job ........or, if she's bored, maybe she needs to find a new job. - IMO, there is a SIGNIFICANT difference between being with your OWN kids all day and needing to get out ot the house, do things, see people etc etc and being PAID as a JOB to be w/ someone's kids all day -
My JOB gets boring too, I don't have my husband come and hang out w/ in my office for a few hours .........
And I don't think ANY babysitter is required to have visitors in another person's HOME. - I don't alllow my own MIL to have her boyfriend or sisters or others in my home while she's there - (other than BIL and SIL) (there's a longer story to that) but part of it is the fact that I don't feel she needs to be entertaining people in MY home while she's with her Grandsom ONE day a week . -
As far as having lunch delivered, I think that's a bit ridiculous - This is a grown woman, I'm sure she's capable of opening the door, paying the guy and seeing him out ........
Confront her - don't let her know you have the cameras though .....
Im going to agree with this. At first I was going to say what's the big deal but really..this is her job. We aren't allowed visitors at our jobs. If she is bored maybe she should find activities to do with your DC to keep both of them entertained and stimulated.
Ordering food...I think is fine though.
I agree! If it were ME, I wouldnt mind the daughters. But if this i s a rule that the OP has set, then it should be followed. This woman is her employee and gets paid to do a job.
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| Posted 3/5/10 11:57 AM |
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rkoenke
my little piggys
Member since 3/08 4315 total posts
Name:
rachel
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
Posted by DPerotti
Posted by eddiesmommy
However, I would say, you know, I know you said you had your daughter here but one of my neighbors saw a man they didnt recognize also enter the home and give her a chance to explain. If she lies.....Id fire her. If she explains, then I would reiterate the rule one more time and if it happens again, definitely let her go.
Agree.
Daughters- I would be ok with that but a strange MAN, NOT OK!
I have a question... do you KNOW that these girls are her daughters? or are you just taking her word. how would you feel if the daughters was one daughter, one pal along for the ride and their boyfriend?
that would PIZZ me off. i am sure her daughter wouldn't show up at her 9-5 in office job, why is this okay?
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| Posted 3/5/10 12:30 PM |
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rkoenke
my little piggys
Member since 3/08 4315 total posts
Name:
rachel
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
Posted by Goobster
I would tell her a neighbor told you about all the "visitors" she had. However, IMO, she already lied b/c she omitted a LOT of details and people in her story to you. So she can never be trusted again. She is gone IMO....I am sorry this happened to you.
Me too. no other choice. this is YOUR child you are talking about, not a folder from an office with some details inside that she is lying about.
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| Posted 3/5/10 12:31 PM |
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Shorty
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Member since 5/05 30390 total posts
Name:
really
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Re: my 1 rule for the babysitter broken
I would confront her about the man, get an explanation.
Then I'd secure new care, and fire the liar.
There's no way I could trust her again.
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| Posted 3/5/10 12:36 PM |
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