Need Help - Mean/Terrible Boss

I need some coping strategies.

How do you girls do it. My boss is rude, unsupportive, mean, and very confrontational in her tone.

I am a pretty tough person but she knows which buttons to hit and it just makes me feel sooooooo depressed. I just come home and cry, I bottle it up at work and then it affects my home life. I can't complain about it anymore, so what can I do to help?

Any tips, techniques, anything?

I am looking for a new job but it is TOUGH out there! Also, I am in the middle of taking a class which when I complete my certification, it will def help my job search. This means I have to hang on until June.

Help me get through it.

PS - Speaking to her is not an option. I have tried that and it DID Not go well, if anything it just got worse! HR is also not an option - I work in HR !!!!

Re: Need Help - Mean/Terrible Boss

Message edited 11/28/2011 3:55:06 PM.

Re: Need Help - Mean/Terrible Boss

I agree....document everything. I had a boss like that. She was back stabbing & manipulative, and tried to be so overly nice to your face it was just so obvious. Anyway, she eventually got fired because other people in OOT offices caught on to her routine & a TON of complaints poured out all at once. Thank goodness I had everything documented, b/c when she went in front of HR to "defend" herself, she tried to blame ME. UGH!

Most people like this do themselves in. That is how I coped...by telling myself that I was better than this (getting caught up in the negativity), and that she'd be the cause of her own professional demise.

Hang in there.

Re: Need Help - Mean/Terrible Boss

definitely document document.

i had a boss like that and didn't effectively manage the situation. i ended up leaving and she ended up getting promoted even though there were many complaints about her from people in other dept's and the entire dept we were in.

one thing i wish i'd done more of was stand up for myself in a confident, strong manner. i tried a few times and she just found a way to retaliate. she was a major bully and senior management ulitmately supported her behavior. they knew what was happening and did nothing. i wish i was more communicative with them and documented EVERYTHING (I only documented some incidents). I wish I had documented things like the withering looks she'd give me, or the nasty things she'd say or the ways she'd withhold info. and then showed sr mgt the list of things she did and the examples of how she behaved towards me. Seeing dates, times, description of situations all listed one after the other, maybe they would have done something.

do you have supportive colleagues around you? that does help deal with it. i don't know how bad your situation is, but i hope you can find a way to manage her b/c it really stinks to deal with it. it can impact your self esteem after a while. not only that, if you leave your job b/c of her and have no other reason, you'll have to find a way to explain why you left. better if you can resolve the issue than be the one to leave. but, if you can't and your mental health and self confidence and career become threatened, then you might want to consider whether its worth staying.




ETA: I didn't read your whole message. at least you have a light at the end of the tunnel. keep your eyes on the prize - your certif and your job search. do things for yourself. if you have a particularly bad day, treat yourself to something. it sounds silly but it does take the edge off. i used to go to the olive garden on really bad days and take an hour and a half lunch. since you intend on leaving, i would suggest a strategy of maintaining your sanity. remain professional, respond to her nasty remarks in a calm matter of fact manner, don't let her see you cry, take a walk and get away from your desk every day at some point during the day. be sure to be as perfect as you can with your projects so she has little to complain about. think about the things you love about your life. don't lose sight of the good things. she will be out of your life eventually, so just try to protect your sanity, confidence and reputation while you're there. HTH

Message edited 4/6/2010 11:31:02 PM.

Re: Need Help - Mean/Terrible Boss

what are her "buttons"?

Re: Need Help - Mean/Terrible Boss

why is it that women bosses are nuts?? i had a woman boss who made people cry in meetings and threw a chair once. for some reason she liked me and i knew how to get along with her. but if you were on her sh** list ..watch out.

just keeping telling yourself june isnt that far away. ignore her the best you can. Its nothing personal against you..she's justs nuts.

Re: Need Help - Mean/Terrible Boss

OMG, I am in the same situation.

The best way to cope is that I know I am looking and eventually will be out of there, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Also, I feel better venting with someone at work who understands the situation and I also accept that she will not change no matter what and that it is also not personal ! Hope this helps a bit !!

Good luck !! It's a horrible feeling to have to go somewhere every day when you are so unhappy ! I am sure something better will come up for you.

Re: Need Help - Mean/Terrible Boss

Thanks All!

Yes, I do have a coworker who shares my sentiments (they all do, but one I am close friends with). She is going on maternity leave at the end of June - more incentive to get out of there.

I had my self performance appraisal today, where I am supposed to do the talking about my own performance. It was a disaster, she is total evil.

So its just time to change my attitude. From now on, I am just not even going to try anymore. Will do the basic requirements but will not work extra hours or really help in areas outside of my core duties. The truth is I will be paid the same way and treated the same way if I go above and beyond or if I don't.

Just sad because I am a very driven and motivated person and my career is very important for me. It's soooo hard for me to say "I don't care" or submit work that isn't up to my standard. I am just going to have to keep reminding myself that her behavior is out of my control and just focus on the other things in my life like you all suggested.

Difficult too because I know I am great at my job. All the managers I work with rave about me. I know I do so much and deserve a better situation.

Thanks again for the help. Will probably be on here venting again soon.