Spinoff to Birthday Parties and RSVP's.

When you send out invitations for birthday parties.. do you follow up with people who don't RSVP or assume them to be a 'no'? Do you take RSVP's from the children themselves?

Robbie had a bday party and we sent out the invites the first week in May. I got a few immediate responses and that was great - but then nothing. Robbie came home and told me "John is definitely coming to the party and you can put yes for Carl too." Robbie was really mad when I refused to put 'yes' for them because I hadn't gotten a response from the parent.

On the last day to RSVP, I created a list of the kids who hadn't called and planned on calling each of their parents to determine if they received the invite and if they planned to come or not. Rob told me that calling was incredibly inappropriate and was basically calling them out for not responding. My intent was really just to find out if they were coming - not to make anyone feel bad - but my husband insisted it was wrong to do. Moot point because I got a flood of calls that night and didn't need to call anyone.

But now Noah's bday is coming!

So - how do you handle non-RSVP's? And - at what age do you take the RSVP from the invitee instead of the parent?

Message edited 6/3/2010 10:17:47 AM.

Re: Spinoff to Birthday Parties and RSVP's.

I would definitely call the parents to verify the "yes". DS is 7, and he's "made plans" with friends to have them come over, or go to their house. Their parents are in the same room, so I look at them, and we're both like "Uh.... WE didn't agree to those plans..."

If I personally know the parents, I'll call, but if not, I just assume it's a "no".

Re: Spinoff to Birthday Parties and RSVP's.

Wow! You totally beat me to my own post! I could have written the exact same thing! 7 out of 15 kids I invited in DS's school didn't RSVP. In fact, some of the mom's I saw the week before, but I never mentioned anything

DH said the same... don't call them out on it. I said chances are they just forgot. In the end I didn't call anyone, and none of the non-RSVP's showed. The no's I had gotten came right away. It was pretty obvious May was super busy for everyone and no's were completely expected.

And I even included an email they could RSVP to since I know some people are not phone people!

In the end, it was no big deal. It was a small party anyway. He had his good friends there and he had a blast. Had it been a bigger event like a Communion or shower, I absolutely would have called the non-RSVPS!

Message edited 9/1/2011 3:49:28 PM.

Re: Spinoff to Birthday Parties and RSVP's.

I call the non responders. Or ask them if I see them in person.

I'm glad when moms do the same with me, because DS almost missed going to a pool party this weekend because we didn't get the invitation. The mom had asked for them to be handed out in school, but DS never got one. Other moms mentioned the party and I just assumed DS wasn't invited. Turns out, his mom tracked me down and mentioned that I hadn't RSVP'd.

I think when DS is a little older I'd take his work on some RSVPs.

Re: Spinoff to Birthday Parties and RSVP's.

I just went through this and really, it depends. I personally do not believe in calling everyone who hasn't RSVP'd. Just because. Because people should be decent enough to call, busy life or not. People should be considerate. "Should", but unfortunately that doesn't always mean they do. And I've done enough parties of my own or for my kids to know that not everyone remembers, sometimes invites get misplaced and dates get forgotten so it's not always that people are being rude. But it's stil annoying when you are the host parent and trying to plan accordingly and you are up in the air still. I had a party for my 4 year old and I had 4 calls the day before and 2 calls the morning of. I was gracious about it but part of me was thinking...really? You call the morning of? Now that's not a misplaced invite that coincidentally turned up. But my DS was happy and I had kept it simple so it wasn't stressful either way to add the 2 kids. One time I will call is if we haven't heard from the parents of a child who matters to my child, KWIM? One of his buds who I hear about a lot, then I would call. Or if I am friendly with the parents as well. If it feels right to you to make those calls, then call. I don't think you are "calling people out", it's really about your DS, not trying to figure out or right other people's behavior. It's just a matter of comfort level and if you want to call them. I usually consider no RSVP as not coming but for my DD's bday last year, we had a boy from her class whose parent's hadn't RSVP'd but showed up. Luckily my older son let me give away his goody bag when I promised him something better. I would not take the RSVP from the child at your DS's age. They think they know the deal and might want to come but the parent's might have other plans for them already. I would probably call that parent if I didn't hear from them.

I am probably one of the earliest RSVPers people get. If I know they can make it and want to go, I call right away. It always feels good to start to get the calls coming in so I like to be able to do that for other people as well.

Re: Spinoff to Birthday Parties and RSVP's.

I don't call people who don't RSVP - and I don't think i ever will. I would just assume they weren't coming. I also invite close friends of DD's that we know personally or parents that we see and chat with from time to time - so we have never really had someone that didn't RSVP.
It would drive me nuts to invite everyone in the class and have to worry about calling those that didn't bother to RSVP to my child's birthday party.

Message edited 6/5/2010 11:56:46 PM.

Re: Spinoff to Birthday Parties and RSVP's.

DD hasn't had a birthday party with classmates yet, but I don't know if I'd call the non-responders. It might not be the worst idea though. Back in February Kayleigh was apparently invited to a birthday party. Well, she never passed the invitation on to me, so I didn't know & obviously never responded. That party was cancelled due to the blizzard. I only found out about the original party when the invites came for the make-up day due to snow.

Re: Spinoff to Birthday Parties and RSVP's.

Re: Spinoff to Birthday Parties and RSVP's.

I was called once I didn't care though.


I will say, I didn't call for DS's party and I had 2 people SHOW UP! and one I had seen 3 DAYS before! not even a mention - see you Sunday!

Re: Spinoff to Birthday Parties and RSVP's.

I plan to call the no rsvp people just so I can get a count for the goody bags. I have 9 kids still outstanding and I'd rather not have to make an extra 9 goody bags if I didn't have to.

Since the kids are little and parents will be coming, I want to get an approximate count on parents so I know how much food to order for the adults.