Kids who live out of state

I'm posting here, because I could use some advice for those of you who have kids/stepkids who live out of state.

XH is moving to NC. Not for a job or anything, he just wants to leave this area and thinks life will be better for him there.

If you have kids/stepkids who live out of state, how do you handle visitation? How many times a year to the kids/stepkids travel to see their mom/dad whom they don't live with? How old are the kids?

I am having a really hard time trying to figure out what to do. I never trusted XH while he was living here, and I have concerns for DD while she is with him and he is local. My concerns are much more magnified with the thought of her being so far away, should something happen.

How do you handle out of state visitation?

Re: Kids who live out of state

edited to fm

Message edited 6/8/2010 7:34:18 PM.

Re: Kids who live out of state

Thank you. Our agreement is very vague...it just says that the parties will agree. It states that I cannot relocate outside of NY/NJ without his permission...but it doesn't say anything about him leaving. It says he has to pickup/drop off at my residence and the sole cost of him.

i was trying to figure this out without having to pay the attorney again.

Re: Kids who live out of state

BIL just has his day in court today over visitation.

He is with the army and was moved out of michigan where his 2 daughters live with ex.

he gets spring break
8 weeks in the summer
dec 26-jan 1

they are 8 and 6.

he wanted the entire summer and was denied.
he wanted thanksgiving, was denied.
he wanted to alternate christmas with new years, denied.

he had a laywer, she did not.

she is responsible to only pick the kids up at the end of the summer. he is responsible for all other transportation.

hope that helps!

prev agreement-kids were 4 and 6. every other holiday, 6 weeks in summer. spring break. he picks kids up, she comes to bring them home.

Re: Kids who live out of state

based on what it says, he'd have to pay for the airline tickets and unaccompanied minor fee, but be careful, some airlines have age restrictions and children younger than the allowed age won't be allowed w/out another adult....he may have to fly up for his visits at least till a certain age...sorry i couldn't be more helpful

Re: Kids who live out of state

I wouldn't let her fly alone..he would come and get her and bring her back (she is almost 4). His parents would probably pay for that...since he does not work.

My concern is her being so far away from me if something happens. Currently...he only has her every other Saturday-no sleep overs.

Message edited 6/8/2010 8:09:36 PM.

Re: Kids who live out of state

hmmm, if that's the case and visitation still stands as every other sat w/o a sleep over, he'd have to come to her, they'll take the child's travelling into consideration. i'm not "finished" with my lawyer, but I would assume (though may be wrong) that I'd be able to contact him with ??s regarding the case he handled - would your lawyer be willing to discuss your case even though it's over? At the very least, he should tell you whether or not you need to file something with the court regarding the change of circumstance....

Re: Kids who live out of state

I wouldn't expect that he would fly here every other Saturday...but I don't feel comfortable with her having an extended stay in NC while I'm here. But, I don't know what I can do about it without making it a war. I could make him take me to court...but I'm so tired of going to court for things I was trying to work this out ourselves. I just don't know what to present as an option that I am comfortable with...because frankly, I'm not comfortable with her being with him for an extended period of time in another state.

I thought of suggesting that he come to NJ to visit with her and he can stay in a hotel or something and see her here...but he will never agree to that.

ETA: There is no court order that says he only has her every other Saturday-no sleep overs...that was the agreement that we came up with on our own. Our court papers only say that we will work out visitation on our own. So that's what I'm trying to do.

Message edited 6/8/2010 8:37:07 PM.

Re: Kids who live out of state

Do his parents live near you? Would you be willing to let her visit their house...maybe he can stay with them when he wants to visit DD and that way there will be other adults around.

A friend of mine had 2 kids and they would visit their dad for 4-6 weeks during the summer, spring break, every other christmas, every other thanksgiving. But she didn't have a problem with them staying with him....there wasn't a safety issue at all.

Re: Kids who live out of state

Re: Kids who live out of state

I kinda think you might have to go back to court (or mediation) to figure this out. BUT I would let him initiate it.

If he wants to see her, he should pursue it.

Don't let her go see him until (unless he comes up from NC, then follow your usual order) it gets figured out. You don't want to worry about it being "as is". But I don't think you would...

She's tiny still

Re: Kids who live out of state

Posted by KateDevine

I kinda think you might have to go back to court (or mediation) to figure this out. BUT I would let him initiate it.

If he wants to see her, he should pursue it.

Don't let her go see him until (unless he comes up from NC, then follow your usual order) it gets figured out. You don't want to worry about it being "as is". But I don't think you would...

She's tiny still

Re: Kids who live out of state

just wanted to put it out there...anywhere around charlotte, you are more then welcomed to stay with us. in a cowboy room of course