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Motherhood, and that insane love for your child does not come naturally to MANY MANY women.

With my first, my mother bear instincts kicked in right away, and I took care of her and protected her as any new mom, but the truth is, I didn't "fall in love" with her until she was close to 5-6 months...

Don't worry, it will come, and do NOT feel bad about you feel - it is very natural

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No worries I actually didn't feel "Connected" right away either. I loved him to death but that feelign...didn't come until I got some sleep.!!!

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Posted by julz33

it will come as he gets older.

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I don't think I felt it then nearly as much as I do now... DS is 8.5 months. I felt a lot closer with him when he started to interact with me.

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I think I started to actually "like" my DD when she started to smile! Before that I was like, who are you and why aren't you letting me sleep?!?!?! Good thing is I LOVE her now, more than like Don't worry you are not alone

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YES...you will feel it..I felt that way in the beginning too and I had an "a-ha" moment..one day I seriously looked at my DS and fell completely in love!

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I honestly didn't even like my first DS the first few months of his life. He was colic and was always cryig and demanding. I was exhausted, went back to work after three weeks, and wa just drained. Once I sleep trained him and we got on a regular schedule everythig completely shifted and I fell head over heals in love with him. Don't feel bad, sometimes it just doesn't come the second you bring them home, but the feeling DOES come.

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You are not a bad mom and 100% normal! With my DD it was instant, the moment I heard her cry, I had all those feelings. With my DS, not so much. I loved him like crazy but I had a very very difficult delivery and recovery that left me most of the time, worrying about myself. Then DS had colic which was just so overwhelming. Now at almost 5 months, the feelings are the same as they were with DD, it just too a little bit longer and that is OK!

It will happen, give it time and don't be hard on yourself. Even though you don't have PPD you still have hormones that are working their way out!

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You are NOT a bad mother at all.
Honestly, it took me a looong time. I am not an overly emotional person. I did not have PPD either. I loved holding him and taking care of him, but I wasn't sure if I was "in love" with him right in the begining. Also, he is very independent. He was always happy laying on his own and playing or looking around or being held. I think it both took us a while to get attached to each other.
I even remember some times early on when he was sleeping I'd literally forget I was a mom. I was like... OMG, I'm a mom and totally forgot. I'd pass the monitor and be like... oh yeah.
I went back to work when he was 3 months and that's when I cried b/c I JUST felt like we were getting to know each other. First day I came home from work he wouldn't even come to me
He's a year old and I still have this very independent little guy whom I'm sooo in love with. It took a looong time. We both love each other and he gives me the best greeting. I can't say I get overly emotional or anything, but my heart lights up when I see him.

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I immediately loved my son and felt the need to protect him but "that feeling" came later. I was pulling into the driveway yesterday and my mom was sititng with my son on her lap and when he saw me he smiled and "that feeling" came over me. I am so beyond in love with him now and it grows everyday....

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I was like this was Soaps in the beginning.

Honestly, she was a few months old before I started to melt just looking at her. I think itll start when he starts to recipricate (sp?) a little more. For me I first felt it when she started to put her head on my shoulder and snuggle in for a hug. Or when shed cry and instinctually look for ME, and only me! It definitely comes with me. Dont get me wrong, I still have my days where I say to myself "i love you, but i dont like you right now!!!" Usually when shes kicking me square in the vag as im trying to change her poopy diaper while trying to avoid her smearing it on the rug


I promise it'll happen. It's not from birth for a lot of people, it wasnt for me...

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I was the SAME way. I kept hearing about your heart BURSTING as soon as you see them. This intense love. etc etc
I was looking forward to it. To what it felt like.

I never felt it at delivery. I looked at her in the hospital for those days and just thought how weird it was that there was a baby in here AND it was mine. But no Bursting love/emotion. I felt HORRIBLE.


I didnt know if it was PPD or if I was just a terrible mother. I didnt want to hurt her, I wanted her to be happy, clean, fed. I didn't want her to cry. So I ruled out PPD, but still didnt feel that intense love.

People would ask me if I felt it ? I would say yes.

at 7 weeks I didnt feel it. Not sure when it kicked in.

Sometime within the first couple months, I actually had a couple drinks one night and spilled my guts and asked DH, "do you feel this intense love for her? Because I dont. I think I might be a bad mom."

He laughed and said, "no you're not. You're tired, exhausted. it's a huge life change. It's been just the two of us for 10 years now. It's a huge adjustment. You're a good mom. You love her, I see it. Even if you can't see it right now."
He still once in a while teases me and says "do you feeeeeel this intense love for her?"

Looking back, I think my hormones were readjusting and that was part of it. it really is surreal, all the sudden you're a mom and have a baby. They also dont have a personality so little so it's hard.

Don't pressure yourself or make yourself feel bad. I did. I wish I hadn't.

It will come.

She's the best part of my day.
I dont mind when she occasionally wakes in the middle of the night, because it's another opportunity to hold her, cuddle with her.

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Posted by MrsRbk

No, it does NOT make you a bad mom!

While I had these overwhelming feelings of love for my DD when she was born, I also felt extreamly detached from her. It took me a long to time to have those feelings you are describing. Yes, I felt guilty about it, especially for all my DH and I had to go through to even have her, but I was also dealing with PPD.

Do you feel like you might have PPD?

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Posted by Porrruss

Oh my love- you are NOT the only one. Let me share my experience.

My SIL gave birth to my nephew exactly 8 weeks before I had Madelyn. I remember her tears, her cries of instantaneous love. Her description of a tidal wave of love washing over her.

When Mads was born, after almost 3 hours of pushing, I felt........ nothing. I felt relief from the discomforts of labor. I felt tired. I remember thinking, "Get her OFF of me and clean her up I want to be left ALONE."

I was excited to be a mom. Was amazed at the idea that DH and I had created this tiny little creature who had my dimples and his nose. I loved her, but never felt this wash of emotion, this ache that so many new mommies describe. I felt a sense of duty to protect and care for her, but it took WEEKS before I felt passionate love for her.

I cried to my mother that I thought there was something *wrong* with me. I had ALWAYS wanted to be a mother. Could not WAIT until my first was born. Yet, I didn't feel like I thought I was supposed to feel. I knew I didn;t have PPD because I felt great. I loved taking care of her and looked forward to each day. But I felt bad that my breath didn;t catch every time I looked at her.

She looked at me in bewilderment and said, "How could you POSSIBLY love her like that right away? She is a stranger to you. You have no idea how to love like a mother yet...... it takes time." No wiser words were ever spoken to me as a first time mom.

I;m not sure WHEN those feelings came, but they did. Now, my love is so ferocious, so primal that I can barely breathe when it comes to my babies.

I will say this- when my second was born, those feelings DID occur immediately. Because I already KNEW how to love like a mother. When they put Eliza on me I looked at DH with tears rolling down my face and I couldn't BREATHE because I loved her so much so instantly. I literally felt my heart grow to accomodate the love I have for both my girls.

Sorry this was so long, but I wanted you to know that what you are feeling is SO normal for MANY first time moms.

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What you are feeling is totally normal, please don't beat yourself up about it. i always knew I wanted to be a mom but when it actually happened, I didn't feel like i always thought i would. I didn't have that overwhelming feeling you are describing and at times i felt horrible bc of it. I felt like me and my DS weren't connected, it all felt so surreal at times. Give it time, motherhood is a huge change/adjustment. You are learning to love this tiny, beautiful baby that at times drives you crazy, with love and fear. I adore my DS, he's 8 months old. Sometimes when i look at his sleeping face when he falls asleep in my arms, I cry. I am so overwhelmed. he is the best thing that has ever happened to me but that doesn't mean that it didn't take time and work for me to know him and him to know me. Trust in your love for him and it will all come together for you in due time.

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Like others have said you are NOT ALONE in your thinking. I had twins (and they were my first kids)....I was so overwhelmed and moody in the beginning I would look at them and think the same thing....are these even mine, why don't I have that feeling yet that all mom's have. I actually convinced myself it was because I was not breastfeeding and didn't get the bond that so many people talk about!!!

It comes with age and you getting settled into a whole new world. I promise. I realized it when I went for a walk with the boys at around 3 or 4 months and a dog charged my baby carriage. I instinctively threw myself over the side of the carriage to take whatever the dog was going to do. He stopped in his tracks, sniffed a few seconds and ran away. After calming down a few minutes, I realized I have that mommy instinct and I would do anything for them!

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Posted by julz33

it will come as he gets older.

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Dont beat yourself up at all

Being a new mom is a whirlwind to say the absolute least

I could bet you by 3-4 months you will have that feeling....i swear....i remember for me it really started to happen when DS started smiling back at me etc

Message edited 6/23/2010 1:26:18 PM.

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thanks everyone for all the support and wisdom

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Karin!!!

I totally feel that way...like I'm detached from DS. I know i love him..but these last 9 weeks I feel like I've been learning and i'm tried all the time and achy. I think it's natural to feel detached at this stage...it doesn't take away from your love for him..there is just a lot going on. Now that he interacts a little more with me giving me smiles and trying to talk to me some of that detached feeling subsides.

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"that feeling" took a long time to develop for me. I didn't have that moment when she was born and while I loved her to pieces the moment I got a BFP it took a good 3 months for me to REALLY bond with her. I adored her and thought she was the greatest thing and simply precious but I KWYM. It takes time sometimes and not everyone tells you that part