If a child is hurting your child in a public arena...

Do you tell them to fight back or make them tell you so that you can speak to the parent/child?
Ive heard the fight back method more then a few times recently. I was at a public play place and saw 2 6 yr old girls playing and the one girl kept pushing the other. The dad went up to his dd in front of everyone and pretty much told her to kick her azzz....
I would never think to do this with my dd but maybe it is the new trend...???

Message edited 9/16/2010 9:04:16 PM.

Re: If a child is hurting your child in a public arena...

This is a difficult question. I have taught my son not to hurt anyone and he has true empathy in him. But at some point I had to tell that it is ok to defend himself. I reminded him that there would be consequences (eg at school) that he would have to endure, so he better be damn sure its necessary. My kids a big kid and I know that he is more worried about when he should defend his friends. That is even tougher.

We had this talk when he was 5 and he is now six and has not been in trouble once, infact he never lifts his hand to anyone. But he knows I will back him as much as I can if something was absolutely necessary with no other options available.. My little guy os such a GOOD boy. I am so proud of him

All that being said, no I do not think it is acceptable for a parent to stand there and tell their kid to do that. In that scenario, there is another option.

Message edited 9/16/2010 9:13:42 PM.

Re: If a child is hurting your child in a public arena...

I remember my gf's daughter was being picked on physically and verbally by another girl for a good while. My gf called the child's mother and the mother basically told her that she (gf's daughter) needs to learn to stand up for herself and not have her mother do the job for her. The kids were in kindergarten!! So my gf told her daughter - "Listen, if she hits you - hit her back." Was it the RIGHT thing to do? Probably not - but she felt like she'd exhausted other options and was frustrated. I guess I could see myself getting to that point if the other parent was like that.

But..in the situation you describe, he did it on a playground in front of the other kid, which kind of has him stooping to the level of a pair of schoolgirls and that's not cool. If I were him I probably would have extracted my child from the situation immediately. I'd HOPE the other parent would come forward and deal with his/her kid.. but if not I'd chalk it up to "Like Parent/Like Child".

Re: If a child is hurting your child in a public arena...

My kids are not school age but they are in daycare.

DD is 3 and was coming home telling me that "connor pushed me and made me cry" or "connor hit me".

I alway ask he what she did when connor did that. She said she walked away, the teachers told her to walk away etc.

For a while that worked. I spoke to the teachers and they confirmed that this was going on(not the name of the kid though).

When it didn't let up I told Claire to tell Connor that he's not nice and she's not going to play with him if he's not nice and THEN walk away.

When that didn't work I told her to shake a fist at him and tell him she was going to clock him if he didn't knock it off and then to walk away.

She hasn't done it yet and I don't know if it was the right thing to do but honestly someone needs to scare that kid and my kid needs to know that she can stand up for herself.