SS stole $95 from my wallet

uugghhh I typed a whole post and it got disappeared!

My SS's are 12 and 9.

I had $70 from my wallet (which I left in my living room) missing last week. Told DH, he said "you probably lost it," after I told him that I believe one of the two took it. So this Sat night I left my wallet counted $35, next morning $25 was gone. I told DH and we searched the room and found $25 in the 9 years old wallet.

DH asked them and the both said they didn't do it (this went on for hours). Then DH recorded my bad and showed them he had it on tape and that they better confess or else their punishment would be worse...so the small one confessed it was him.

He said he only stole $7 before.

Anyways obviously DH was very angry but he also was upset that I didn't tell him that I was going to test them, but like I told him....I told him I had $70 missing from my wallet and that I know I didn't loose it and yet he never suggested to ask his kids or leave a wallet out to see who did it.

Am I wrong for what I did...DH kind of made me feel a little guilty.

Also, how do you deal or would deal with kids that steal??? I mean we did talk to them and tried to make them see the seriousness of stealing.

Re: SS stole $95 from my wallet

I think I am learning that DHs feel judged or that their kids are judged by us when we feel the kids have done something wrong. My DH gets defensive.

I can see where your DH felt bothered by the "set-up" since you guys didn't agree to it.

Message edited 9/7/2010 6:21:17 PM.

Re: SS stole $95 from my wallet

agreed with above.
It's almost like an us against them kinda thing.

Re: SS stole $95 from my wallet

I see this point, but I guess I was worried of Dh getting upset at the idea ("set-up") being that he didn't care to look into it when I first told him that I believed there was a chance that the $70 were taken by one of them (I pretty much knew just didn't have proof). But how can I say to him..."how about we do this..." (the "set-up" plan) to DH when he completely dismissed me the first time?
He didn't even bother to ask me if I paid anything to see if maybe I lost the money or anything like that....

There are many times I get dismissed by DH and it turns out that I am right and yet that doesn't change anything. I guess I acted without thinking but based on his nonchalant attitude.

Re: SS stole $95 from my wallet

I'm not a step-parent but it really, really bothers me that from what you are saying (typing) your DH seems to care more about the "set up" than the fact that your SS stole money from you! Especially since he didn't believe you the first time. IMO, he should be kissing your arse, not making excuses or placing any of the blame on you.

Message edited 9/13/2010 3:57:19 PM.

Re: SS stole $95 from my wallet

I know how you feel, about DH dismissing things. I just think it is the struggle they have with feeling their parenting or child is being judged. I too get frustrated by it and I can understand you wanting to confirm you suspicions. I just also know my DH would have been bothered if I did the set up. It is almost a lose ,lose situation sometimes.

Re: SS stole $95 from my wallet

thank you ladies for making me feel like I wasn't wrong. I have not left my purse out any more since that day. I will leave it sometime in the future as I should be able to leave my purse anywhere in my home, but sadly I will have to count my money until I feel comfortable in not having to.

Re: SS stole $95 from my wallet

Re: SS stole $95 from my wallet

SD has a stealing problem...when DH and I were long distance he and SD came to visit me and after that I realized that a bracelet of mine had gone missing...I chalked it up to me having misplaced it.

The next time I went to visit him in Ohio...lo and behold, my bracelet is lying there on a table and the clasp is broken! I was furious and I went straight to DH who told me I was crazy if I thought SD stole it and I must have left it there the last time I visited...I INSISTED that the last time I saw it was in NY and it was not broken! Finally he asks her...she had stolen it.

He hasn't fought me on her stealing since (and she has definitely stolen other things...). I think the first time he just didn't want to believe his child could do something like that, but now he has to face the truth.

I hope the same thing happens for you...and I do NOT blame you for testing them, since now I keep both eyes on the location of many many things around our apt and my haunches go up if I notice they are moved or missing.

Re: SS stole $95 from my wallet

just a question - would he have been upset if you tested a child that was your own biological child that you suspected were stealing? My DH has done the same to me, SD went through our belongings and drawers and bragged about her findings to her BM and when I suggested we come up with some kind of "punishment" I was accused of being too harsh and potentially "pushing her away" by doing that

I feel your frustration!

Re: SS stole $95 from my wallet

Re: SS stole $95 from my wallet

Posted by LondonMarie

Posted by Lucky2008

just a question - would he have been upset if you tested a child that was your own biological child that you suspected were stealing? My DH has done the same to me, SD went through our belongings and drawers and bragged about her findings to her BM and when I suggested we come up with some kind of "punishment" I was accused of being too harsh and potentially "pushing her away" by doing that

I feel your frustration!

see that's the thing! I would have done the same thing to catch my own child!

What bothers me even more....is that a week later he started up the allowance and giving both of them money. I feel the one who stole should not have any money in his possession in over a month! It's just so frustrating!!!! I try not to think about it....just wait and see what happens. All I know is that I can not put up with stealing in my own home! I went though that with my adopting siblings and never want to go through it again! It's tough having to deal with children who were never raised by me...it's even more tough when DH sees it as I am being "tough." If my kid did that he/she would be punished more than a week and would definitely not be getting any allowance in over a month! uuugghhh!!!!

sorry for venting....it's just not easy and as bad as it may sound I at time just think to myself....that in a few years they will be older and hopefully many things will change.

Thank you all for your responses