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ladybug78
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/06 719 total posts
Name:
K
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Lost a friend because I am pregnant...UPDATE
Hey ladies...A good friend of mine pretty much stopped talking to me once she found out we are having baby. She and her husband are having a hard time trying to get pregnant so she just erased me from her life. Has this happened to anyone else? I just don't understand how you just cut a good friend out of your life and it makes me so sad. Vent over. 
UPDATE-I got an email from my friend yesterday out of the blue asking how everything is going...So we emailed back and forth like we always have...I am so happy! She didn't say anything about not talking for months and I didn't think that moment was the right time to talk about it...Hopefully she took her time and now things can be mended between us! Thank you all for your support!
Message edited 1/14/2011 2:45:08 PM.
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Posted 1/7/11 3:50 PM  |
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jerseypanda
Life is good.
Member since 1/07 9164 total posts
Name:
Amanda
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Re: Lost a friend because I am pregnant...
Maybe the trouble they are having getting pregnant is just such a painful experience for her that she can't deal with your pregnancy right now.
It stinks, but I can't imagine what it is like when you are struggling to conceive.
Maybe she will come back to you once she is better able to deal with her own feelings.
I'm sorry that you can't enjoy this exciting time with her.
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| Posted 1/7/11 3:57 PM |
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Re: Lost a friend because I am pregnant...
Never happened to me but I wanted to say I'm sorry you have to go through this, this process can be so crazy for some people they lose sight of a lot. Other than that keep your chin up, hopefully she'll see that this is wrong and she can get past it.
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| Posted 1/7/11 3:57 PM |
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MrsW2010
Mommy of two!
Member since 5/10 2202 total posts
Name:
Jill
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Re: Lost a friend because I am pregnant...
it might just be too hard for her right now, maybe she will come around... if she is really a good friend she will come back to you...goodluck! Sorry, this sucks!
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| Posted 1/7/11 3:57 PM |
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allIwant
Love my crazy life!
Member since 1/10 9170 total posts
Name:
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Re: Lost a friend because I am pregnant...
Having struggled with infertility I have learned that everyone deals with it differently. For me it didn't bother me to be around people who were pregnant..I felt like it gave me hope. But she may be having a more difficult time dealing with it...I am not saying it makes it ok or right, but it may be the only way she can deal with it. Give her some time. She may come around.
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| Posted 1/7/11 3:58 PM |
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ladybug78
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/06 719 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Lost a friend because I am pregnant...
Thanks ladies! It's so hard to go from talking to a friend a few times a week to not being in contact at all. I feel for what she is going through, I can't even imagine the weight on her shoulders right now. I haven't spoken to her in almost 4 months now.
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| Posted 1/7/11 4:01 PM |
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julesrbf
Baby Girl
Member since 6/09 3882 total posts
Name:
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Re: Lost a friend because I am pregnant...
Posted by MrsW2010
it might just be too hard for her right now, maybe she will come around... if she is really a good friend she will come back to you...goodluck! Sorry, this sucks!
ITA
Still sucks though!
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| Posted 1/7/11 4:02 PM |
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Harlow-J
Mason's mommy!
Member since 12/09 3623 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: Lost a friend because I am pregnant...
I'm so sorry you're going through this
I don't know what it's like to struggle with infertility and TTC, but I can only imagine how painful it is-that being said, everyone deals with pain differently.
As sad as it is for you, it's probably just too much for your friend to handle at this time. It sounds like she's taking your news very personally. I'm sure she'll come around. As much as she will eventually accept the situation, I'm sure it's just too difficult for her to face right now.
When the time comes that she reaches out to you again, welcome her with open arms. I know you're hurt, but forgiveness and a good friendship will always persevere through tough times.
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| Posted 1/7/11 4:18 PM |
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ladybug78
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/06 719 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Lost a friend because I am pregnant...
Posted by Harlow-J
I'm so sorry you're going through this
I don't know what it's like to struggle with infertility and TTC, but I can only imagine how painful it is-that being said, everyone deals with pain differently.
As sad as it is for you, it's probably just too much for your friend to handle at this time. It sounds like she's taking your news very personally. I'm sure she'll come around. As much as she will eventually accept the situation, I'm sure it's just too difficult for her to face right now.
When the time comes that she reaches out to you again, welcome her with open arms. I know you're hurt, but forgiveness and a good friendship will always persevere through tough times.
Thank you so much for your insight. I am hoping she reaches out because I want nothing more than our friendship back. I have emailed her a few times with no response. I am really hoping she comes around soon.
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| Posted 1/7/11 4:29 PM |
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KNic19
Baby's First Christmas
Member since 7/09 3541 total posts
Name:
Kim
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Re: Lost a friend because I am pregnant...
Posted by Harlow-J
I'm so sorry you're going through this
I don't know what it's like to struggle with infertility and TTC, but I can only imagine how painful it is-that being said, everyone deals with pain differently.
As sad as it is for you, it's probably just too much for your friend to handle at this time. It sounds like she's taking your news very personally. I'm sure she'll come around. As much as she will eventually accept the situation, I'm sure it's just too difficult for her to face right now.
When the time comes that she reaches out to you again, welcome her with open arms. I know you're hurt, but forgiveness and a good friendship will always persevere through tough times.
This is such great advise!
I'm sorry your going through this, but like many have said, she probably just can't handle it right now. I'm sure she'll come back when she can deal with it better!
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| Posted 1/7/11 4:32 PM |
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Harlow-J
Mason's mommy!
Member since 12/09 3623 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: Lost a friend because I am pregnant...
If you don't hear from her in 2 months (give her some time and the benefit of the doubt), send her a "thinking of you" card. Not that you have to pour your heart out, but maybe a little note just simply saying. "I hope you are well, I miss you and am thinking of you".
I'm big on a card  Even if she doen't respond to it, it's a nice gesture and lets her know you're ready when she is. Sometimes if too much time passes, she might feel like its weird to call after a long period, you know? So a card is a nice way to break the ice.
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| Posted 1/7/11 4:35 PM |
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MrsPJB2007
MBA at your service!
Member since 7/06 12020 total posts
Name:
MJ
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Re: Lost a friend because I am pregnant...
The pain of infertility is something that I don't think anyone can truly understand unless they've gone through it. I've known people who have been trying for so long and each month hurts deeper, and each friend becoming pregnant is so bittersweet. They feel happy for them but can't stop asking "Why them and not me?" I can't imagine the mixed emotions that brings...guilt over feeling that way but then conflicted in every other emotion?
I would just try your best hope the friend comes around....perhaps they need time. I know it's not fair to you because you miss your friend, but they might also feel like they would bring nothing positive to the table for you right now, so it's better to just step back.
Definitely hope the friendship will recover at some point in the future.
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| Posted 1/7/11 4:42 PM |
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ladybug78
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/06 719 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Lost a friend because I am pregnant...
Posted by Harlow-J
If you don't hear from her in 2 months (give her some time and the benefit of the doubt), send her a "thinking of you" card. Not that you have to pour your heart out, but maybe a little note just simply saying. "I hope you are well, I miss you and am thinking of you".
I'm big on a card Even if she doen't respond to it, it's a nice gesture and lets her know you're ready when she is. Sometimes if too much time passes, she might feel like its weird to call after a long period, you know? So a card is a nice way to break the ice.
Sending a card is a great idea! Thanks for suggestion!
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| Posted 1/7/11 4:43 PM |
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Priscilla10
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/10 618 total posts
Name:
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Re: Lost a friend because I am pregnant...
That must be really heard to lose a friend. I'm sure she is going through a lot and hopefully one day you'll be able to mend your friendship. I wouldn't give up hope! I like the card suggestion too!
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| Posted 1/7/11 4:46 PM |
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Re: Lost a friend because I am pregnant...
Having been one of those people that struggled to get PG (14 months of trying and 2 chemicals), I understand how hard TTC can be on a person. However, I can NEVER imagine cutting someone out of my life because of it. I don't think that is fair for your friend to have done to you and I hope that she will come around.
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| Posted 1/7/11 4:58 PM |
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MrsRitaB
Love of my life! <3
Member since 4/10 4669 total posts
Name:
Ri
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Re: Lost a friend because I am pregnant...
Posted by Harlow-J
I'm so sorry you're going through this
I don't know what it's like to struggle with infertility and TTC, but I can only imagine how painful it is-that being said, everyone deals with pain differently.
As sad as it is for you, it's probably just too much for your friend to handle at this time. It sounds like she's taking your news very personally. I'm sure she'll come around. As much as she will eventually accept the situation, I'm sure it's just too difficult for her to face right now.
When the time comes that she reaches out to you again, welcome her with open arms. I know you're hurt, but forgiveness and a good friendship will always persevere through tough times.
ita
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| Posted 1/7/11 5:06 PM |
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Re: Lost a friend because I am pregnant...
Posted by ladybug78
I just don't understand how you just cut a good friend out of your life and it makes me so sad.
I understand how sad this makes you. I also understand your friend's pain. It took us over 4 years to get pregnant. So many friends and relatives had kids (some more than 1) in that time. Each pregnancy announcement, shower invite and baptism just killed me a little more. Sometimes I was able to handle it and sometimes not. While I never fully excluded people from my life I did put limits on the baby/pregnancy talk when I needed to. I even told some people I would need some time to deal and would get in touch with them when I could. Maybe you can reach out to her, explain that while you don't know what she is going through, that you treasure the friendship and will be right there waiting for her if/when she is ready to re-connect. I found the more understanding of my situation people were, the more likely I was to maintain my relationships. Good luck and sorry for the both of you.
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| Posted 1/7/11 8:37 PM |
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ttc2011
LIF Toddler
Member since 10/10 398 total posts
Name:
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Re: Lost a friend because I am pregnant...
I would be asking ,was she really a friend to begin with ?
I do not know what it is like to have fertility issues, but it does remind me of a period in my life where I was in a bad place.
I was one of the last of my friends to get married and have kids. There was a period when 4 of my closest friends all were engaged and married the same time , and I just went through a terrible break up . Thought I was about to get engaged, ended up getting cheated on.
You know what ? As much as I was hurting for what I was going though, what I didn't have , I was genuinely happy for my friends and all of their happy life moments. Because it wasn't about ME it was about THEM.
I never once let them know that after I saw them in their wedding dress at the bridal salon, I cried in my car , thinking that would never be me. It wasn't about me at that moment. A true friend looks past their personal pain and celebrates in your joy.
My heart goes out to your friend , but really I find people like this completely self absorbed . JMO
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| Posted 1/7/11 9:09 PM |
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Re: Lost a friend because I am pregnant...
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| Posted 1/7/11 9:48 PM |
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Athee
I believe in miracles!
Member since 8/07 2462 total posts
Name:
A
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Re: Lost a friend because I am pregnant...
That really su cks. I dealt with infertility and although I was happy for everyone who got pregnant, you can't help but feel a little upset that YOU aren't the one who is pregnant yet- especially after going through so much emotionally, physically, and psychologically. That being said, I personally never distanced myself from my friends because of that nor would I ever. They say friendships change after having a baby, I know it hurts you now, but try and move on... her loss
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| Posted 1/8/11 9:15 AM |
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ladybug78
LIF Adolescent
Member since 1/06 719 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Lost a friend because I am pregnant...UPDATE
Update on first post
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| Posted 1/14/11 2:45 PM |
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AngnShaun
Sisters
Member since 1/10 21015 total posts
Name:
Ang
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Re: Lost a friend because I am pregnant...UPDATE
thats great news!!!
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| Posted 1/14/11 2:48 PM |
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