Moms who had newborns/babies in NICU

I will just give a short story of this:
My little angel is 8 weeks old tomorrow...I was in labor for 36 hours and pushed for 2 hours, and toward the end they had told me that I had a fever of 101.4 and that's when I knew something was wrong...This went from the most exciting time of my life to the scariest all at once because I was afraid for my baby...he was born with fluid in his lungs and a ruled out sepsis...they pretty much took him away from me as soon as I gave birth (I couldn't even breast feed) He needed to stay in the NICU for 7 days, and we went day and night
Everytime I think about it, it gets me so upset..Don't get me wrong, I am beyond happy and blessed, but I feel like I can't seem to come to terms with the birth and what happend with the baby going into NICU because everytime I think about it, I get really upset...The night I had to leave the hospital without my angel, it was the worst night of my life
Is there anyone else going through this?
I don't usually get all deep, but I just needed to get it out and to talk to someone!

Re: Moms who had newborns/babies in NICU

I've been through it. Abby was a NICU baby. It left an permanent scar on my heart and my psyche. Feel free to FM me.

Re: Moms who had newborns/babies in NICU

DD was a NICU baby too, but for 6 days and they kept me in the hospital as well, so I didn't need to leave without her. I know what you mean...after having a very healthy DS, it was VERY unexpected. With DS, he came with me to recovery, nursed him right away, etc. etc. I naively expected the same with DD and it just didn't happen. They wisked her away before I could even touch her - only a quick glimse, and DH held her for only a split second. The hospital stay with very tough, especially that I insisted on BFing, but was extremely limited in the amount of time I could spend nursing her because of her treatments and other stuff going on. So they would call me and I'd literally run there (after having a c/s) and be able to spend 15 minutes holding/nursing her. I feel sad that I was "robbed" those precious first moments, and truly do not feel I got to know her at all in the hospital, which was really sad to me...especially after having such a different experience with DS.

Seven months later I am mostly over it, and strangely, I treasure the memory I have of the middle of the night NICU feedings..just me and her. She had wonderful care and that's what she needed at the time - above all. My love for her is immense and different in a good way- I truly think it's a result of her starting out as a NICU baby. I hope you feel the same way in a few months and congrats!

Re: Moms who had newborns/babies in NICU

I understand how you feel! My daughter was born in October and spent 10 days in the NICU because she was 5 weeks early due to pPROM and had to learn how to suck and swallow. It was the worst 10 days of my life. The day I was released from the hospital and had to leave her there, I had never cried so much in my entire life. We walked out of the hospital and I broke down as soon as I saw the car seat in our backseat. It was rough and my husband and I spent the next 8 days at the NICU around the clock, from like 10am-1am every day. Those days were very frightening and it broke my heart to leave her every night because we kinda spoiled her because we held her, talked to her, sang to her all day every day and then whenever we'd leave to go get lunch or dinner or go home for the night, the nurses would tell us that she would start crying like 10 minutes after we left. I look back at that time like a blur. I have moments when I can't believe what we went through 3 months ago but I thank G-d every day because my daughter didn't have any serious medical issues, just that she was a picky eater. It'll get better. I envy those who had a normal labor and delivery and went home with their baby. I also am constantly wondering why my daughter came early, if it was something I could have prevented but I know that there was nothing I could have done differently...she was just ready to come out. If you need to talk, please feel free to FM me.

Re: Moms who had newborns/babies in NICU

My dd spent 5wks 4 days in the NICU. She was born 8wks early. I was able to see her for 4 days after she was born. I was in too bad of shape and not allowed to get out of bed. She is now 9 months old and I still think about it often. It gets me so upset. I know she is doing amazing now, but it is just something you can't shake. The pp said it perfect about a permanant scar. It really is. I think about how dd will never remember it and we will never forget it. Here if you need to talk anytime.

Re: Moms who had newborns/babies in NICU

I had a NICU baby and while he was only there 5 days - I remember how hard those feelings were. Leaving the hospital without him was so tough. Running back and forth and only being able to hold the baby when you were allowed to not when you wanted to. Being scheduled when you can see your baby. Being home and seeing the phone number of the hospital show up on your caller id....It was tough. But once he was healthy and all was goodso was I and taking my baby home was the best feeling. After having a baby, no matter what your hormones and emotions are out of control. Give it time - in the end you'll just remember the happy baby you had and the blessing that this baby is in your life and remember this is just one bump in the many bumps of motherhood and hope it is the worst you have to endure! It will ease with time.

Re: Moms who had newborns/babies in NICU

DS was a NICU baby for a week, and I feel guilty even saying he was a NICU baby b/c so many of the other babies were there for months. It was hard, but the nurses were so amazing--as a first time mom, I knew he was in better care there then he was with me (when they feared something might be wrong). I now donate to our NICU unit (soft blankets, a rocking chair for when moms are there rocking the babies), and it helps to give back.

Re: Moms who had newborns/babies in NICU

My older DS was in the NICU for 4 weeks. It was one of the hardest things I have had to do as a parent, but I know in my heart he needed to be there. The pain does fade, my DS is almost 3 and I still remember it like yesterday, but that pain isn't anywhere as bad. My DH and I always say my older son is a very special boy, he has been thru a lot in just 3 years and I think it makes him a very strong and special individual. Congrats on your little one!

Re: Moms who had newborns/babies in NICU

Both my girls were NICU babies.

Amelia was there for 5 weeks because she was 7 weeks early. And Kate (DD #2) because she had low blood sugar 12 hours after she was born.

Kate came home with me, ,but it broke my heart to leave Amelia there.

Please feel free to FM me with any questions or just to talk. 3 years later and I still think about it.

Re: Moms who had newborns/babies in NICU

My oldest was in the nicu unexpectedly after I came down w a fever during labor. She had to stay there during her stay there but was able to come home with us AND it still bothers me to this day.

Re: Moms who had newborns/babies in NICU

All 3 of my kids were NICU babies It was the roughest time of my life, especially my first son. I wasn't expecting him to go to the NICu and I literally would have flashbacks of the horrible feeling I hd the night I left the hospital and he has to stay there. Let yourself feel bad and be upset. It's normal.

Re: Moms who had newborns/babies in NICU

My DD was born almost 8 weeks early and had to stay in the NICU for a couple of weeks. Leaving that night without her was the most difficult thing ever. I cried and cried and cried. I do remember one of the nurses being so sweet and letting us stay as late as we wanted that last day. As hard as it was, I knew in my heart it was in her best interest to stay in the hospital. I visited every day, several times a day. It was tough and it certainly wasn't the way I planned/expected things to go but now I have a beautiful and healthy 15 month old and that's all that matters

Re: Moms who had newborns/babies in NICU

Both my boys were NICU babies & when my first went in for antibotics (blood counts were off bc I was Strept B +) I was a mess. I didn't know what to expect in the least bit. I was so drugged from my section, I don't even remember them showing me him & I did not get to hold him until 4 hours after I delivered. Fortunately, he was able to come home with me.

With #2, he was 8 weeks premature. I knew what to expect with him being in the NICU but knew it would be completely different then my first. When he was born, I did not see him at all bc they whisked him away immediately. I was not prepared when they wheeled me into the NICU to see my baby with tubes & what not. It was very emotional for me. Everyday when I went to visit him, I would sit by his incubator & cry. I felt like I was the worse mommy for having him there. Day by day, it got better but the day I had to leave the hospital not knowing when he would come home was the worst! I spent every waking moment at the hospital, sitting there all alone (DH was back at work) wondering when this "nightmare" would end. Finally, after 4 weeks of being in the NICU & many ups & downs, our little guy got to come home!

To this day, both deliveries haunt me but my second is much worse. I feel like I did something to bring him into this world so early & that is why he had to stay so long. FM if you want anytime!

Re: Moms who had newborns/babies in NICU

What you are feeling IMO is normal.

My twins were in the NiCU for 9 days and it was really really hard. i almost have blocked out a lot of it ...i was really sick from C section complications and i didnt even get to go visit them the way i wanted/needed to and it haunts me and i can barely think about it without hurting. I dont even remember leaving the hospital without them, just blocked the whole thing out...

BUT....they are 15 months now and I do not think about it too much anymore. So it will get betterwith time, it will still bother you when you think back to it, but you wont think back to it as often.

Re: Moms who had newborns/babies in NICU

both my boys were in the NICU from birth.. they wisked them right away because of size and body temp. it was definitely scary ..
one of the twins was only in for a day.. he was with me in the hospital room.. but my other was there for 6 days and it was so hard to bring one home and not the other i still think about it sometimes and think back at how tiny they were. but thank goodness healthy!

Re: Moms who had newborns/babies in NICU

DS was in the NICU for a day and a half because of a fever that I spiked during labor and I felt horrible about it. As someone else mentioned, I feel guilty saying that because I saw kids in there who were there for a lot longer than my son. My son was whisked away as soon as he was born via c-section. For the first few weeks, I felt like I had missed out on that maternal bonding time and I felt like something had been taken away from me. I felt bitter. So don't feel bad, it's normal.

Re: Moms who had newborns/babies in NICU

We had the same experiance.....water broke @ 4am.....DS was delivered 22 hours later after I pushed for 2 hours.

High fever, antibiotics.....whisked away to the NIcU


we were really lucky...he only stayed 1 day more then me. I pushed & pushed for additional blood work to have his blood checked for ANY sign of infection. His fever broke and I made a request to considered letting him home after 24 hours fever free.


My hospital listened to me.

BUT....I cried for weeks on end thinking about the experiance. i felt i really missed out on the bonding after birth, the breastfeeding was a nightmare due to being inthe NICU and not being comfy....no one could see him except grandparents. I felt like no one else got to bond with him either

Eventually i was able to let it go because I had to. Took me about 2 months to stop crying every time I layed him down to sleep....I personally just needed to stop it because it was affecting me being able to enjoy him being healthy & home. I kept dwelling on what HAD happened and not the beautiful healthy baby I had home

Re: Moms who had newborns/babies in NICU

My son was in the NICU, but fortunately was able to come home with me. All I wanted in this world was not to leave the hospital without him. There is nothing worse than seeing these little innocent babies with tubes attached to them. The feeling of helplessness was unbearable. What kept me sane was that I knew that kid was getting the best possible care & was in good hands- 24-7.

I kind of felt like I was cheated out of the whole bonding stage within the few hours of his birth. I got to see him 8 hours after he was born. THAT is what bothers me to this day.

Message edited 1/20/2011 9:22:41 AM.

Re: Moms who had newborns/babies in NICU

I get upset too (I think DH was more traumatized than I am).

I had a c/s 2 weeks early. When DS was pulled out, he wasn't breathing. He still had lots of fluid in him. His original APGAR was a 3. I was kinda out of it just from the nerves of having a major surgery but I could tell something was wrong and I never want to see DHs face like that again. It was so scary. DS was given to DH for 10 seconds, he showed him to me and they took him away. DH left with him.

DS was in the NICU for 4 days. I didnt get to see him for 24 hours. I didnt get to hold him for 2 days. I had to feed him with my hands through the holes of the incubator,same for changing his diapers. It makes me so upset, but we thank god that he is 100% fine.

On the 4th day when it was time for me to go, we were so unsure they would even release him. They were so strict as to how much he needed to be eating. Luckily he came home with us that day.

You are not alone. I think we all feel like that. I feel like that every time I think about it, but I try not to and just enjoy my perfect little man!

Message edited 1/20/2011 9:28:05 AM.

Re: Moms who had newborns/babies in NICU

It is so hard!

My DD was a NICU baby. She was in for about 6 weeks.
I knew she was going to be a NICU baby. My pregnancy was monitored (I was hospitalized a month before she was born). She was a repeat C Section and was born at exactly 33 Weeks.

Very hard! Broke my heart she wasn't in the room with me. Hard having to wait for the nurses or DH to come up and wheel me to the NICU so I can see her, etc.

I was commuting 45 mins each way to the hospital every single day to go and be with her.
My DS was at home (he was 2). I was torn! I wanted to so badly split myself in half and just couldn't.
It was hard being so dependent on other in the beginning to get me there (couldn't drive for 2 weeks after my C Section).

April, May, and the Beginning of June 2009 were tough and I will never ever forget them!

Re: Moms who had newborns/babies in NICU

DS was born 8 weeks premature and spent a month in the NICU. To make matters worse, I couldn't see him for the first 2 days of his life I was still very, very sick from the preeclampsia.

I was initially "fine" with it because my entire family kept coming to see us and they would take pictures and videos of DS in the NICU and come to recovery (I was there for 2 days) to show me. I felt better because I could see him. Then when I finally was able to go to the NICU myself and see him, I was devastated. He was SO much more tiny in person. And he had an IV line and a CPAP. Then he went under the bili lights and had that little eye mask which he HATED and would try to rip off. It was so hard. He went down to 2 lbs 15 oz a few days after birth and I just couldn't believe how TINY he was. But there were actually even smaller babies in the NICU. A couple of 26 weekers. And a 27 weeker and a 30 weeker. Some of whom were very, very sick. Their parents would cry all day long. I just felt like it put things in such perspective for us. I felt BLESSED. I felt so lucky, like we hit the lotto. Despite the bad circumstances and very early delivery, DS was healthy. He was safe. Yes, it was so hard for us to see him there. To leave him there. To travel from Queens to Manhattan every day. To not spend 24 hours a day with him.

But he was healthy.

And they took such wonderful care of him. And that's what I focused on. It made it a bearable situation.

When DS was 3 months old, I got to the point where looking at his pics from the NICU would physically make me hurt to see them. It's almost like the first three months I had this shield over my heart and emotions - something to help me get through that time. And then, it was so hard to remember, to think about, to see in pictures.

But it has gotten much better over the months. He's 10 months old now and he's so big and healthy. I'm so proud of him and that helps me not focus so much on the negative.

I think time helps!

Re: Moms who had newborns/babies in NICU

I know how you feel. DD was in the NICU for 4 days because of jaundice and low blood sugar. It broke my heart that I couldnt have her in the room with me at all times, that I had to go downstairs to see her. It broke my heart even more to have to leave her in the hospital when I went home. I feel cheated...but I know that she came out healthy and thats all that matters. FM me if you want to talk

Re: Moms who had newborns/babies in NICU

Yes!! What you are feeling is normal. The NICU experience is such a emotionally hard and draining thing. My baby boy was in the NICU for 9 days and unfortunately didn't make it. I remember when I delivered him; it was the most happy and sad moment of my life. Happy because I loved him so much and sad because they took him away. My memories are tainted with him lying in his little bed; I am also very angry about it.

I remember when I was in the hospital that there was a support group for NICU parents going on. Would you be interested in doing something like that? I don't know where you are but it may be something worth looking into. It also is very healing to share stories with those who have been in your situation. You could also FM me if you wanted to talk.

Message edited 1/20/2011 10:06:11 AM.

Re: Moms who had newborns/babies in NICU

Both of my boys were in the NICU, one was in for 7 days, the other a month and then did anohter stint in the hopital when he needed emergency bowel recission surgery. A year and a half later and it all came flooding back to me. I didn't get upset about it at the time, when my son needed surgery I asked the Dr if he would have a scar and was upset when he said yes. The Dr looked at me like I had 20 heads and then said, your son could have died, a scar is nothing. I thought he was being melodramatic. I could not let myself deal with the emotions of having my twins in the NICU and dealing with the hospital visits etc. Once they were ok and healthy it all came rushing back and I needed to speak to someone about it. Apparently I had post tramatic stress from everything we went thru.

I think everything you are going thru is normal and maybe speaking to someone about it would really help you out.

(((((((hugs)))))))))))

Re: Moms who had newborns/babies in NICU

My DD was in the NICU becuase I am diabetic and they had to monitor her sugar. I hated that she had to go - but I understood, and it was only supposed to be for 12 hours. I gave birth at 10:30 at night so I figured I'd see her in my room in the morning.... We went to say good night to her and then I went up to my room.

Well - they told me in the morning that her sugar was fine - but she was having trouble maintaining her body temperature. I kept going down and calling all day and they kept saying they would re-check her and she should be up to me soon. I waited and waited and after no one giving me any answers we went down and I demanded to talk to the NICU doctor. He finally came to me and told me that she was fine - what was happeneing is that another baby in that nursery needed cool air treatment so the temp was lowered in the room - and my baby was in an open bassinet, not an incubator - so she was basically just cold. I was LIVID!

He said he'd re-check her and then release her upstairs by 5pm. Now this was the day of the big nor'easter back in March - so now the elevators weren't working. Waited and waited again... I called at about 5:30 to see what was up. The NICU told me she was in the well baby nursery. I walked over and they said No - she is still in NICU. The nurse called down to NICU and they said she wasn't there. I FLIPPED OUT! I said I was going down to find her but she said I couldn't since the elevators weren't working - I screamed at her - Was she kidding??? She followed me down the stairs and there I found my baby in another nursery in NICU - they never switched her name on the board outside the room.... I can't tell you how angry I was but so happy to see her doing fine. I fed her and cried a bit when I realized I had to leave her there again since she couldn't be transported without the elevator, they wouldn't let me carry her.

They finally brought her up to me around 11:30 that night. I was totally cheated out of that time with my baby - I wasn't able to start BFing right away and I never got her to latch on.

This was Winthrop. I hate that I will have to deliver there again if/when I have another baby! (L&D was great though). Sorry so long!