How do you tell your DC to handle disputes at school?

I know my DS's version of events is not always 100% truthful, but if someone is picking on him I don't want him to continue to be a target. A teacher noticed today and reprimanded the other child, but DH thinks we should mention it to his actual teacher. And he also thinks we should advise DS to physically defend himself (DH says it's a guy thing - guys handle things differently and if I don't want him to be a target his entire life, he needs to fight back). I don't see the need for it at this point. I always tell him to use his words first and if it happens a second time, he has my permission to fight back. DH says no second chances - fight back first.

Do you agree with your DH about how to handle things? Do you see it differently for boys and girls? I'm at a loss here - I don't want him to be bullied or picked on but I also don't think using his fists is the answer either. TIA.

Re: How do you tell your DC to handle disputes at school?

We have a neighbor that gives my daughter a hard time sometimes. Unfortunately they are in the same class and assigned to sit next to each other on the bus. The other day he pulled a clump of hair out of her head. I finally had enough and drove over there and told his father, that while I know my DD is not 100% innocent, that these kids are like oil and water that can't happen. Dad was completely supportive and the mother brought the son over later to make him apologize to my daughter.

I have since instructed her that if he starts with her again in any manner, she is to tell him to stop. If he does not she is to tell him to stop again loud enough for the nearest adult to hear and assist in the situation.

As a teacher, just know that if your child touches the other child even if the other child strikes first your child will still risk a reprimand by the school.

Re: How do you tell your DC to handle disputes at school?

.. and that reprimand may end up with suspension if.

definitely talk to the classroom teacher if they are both in the same class. If not - consider talking to a guidance counselor or the AP for help.

Re: How do you tell your DC to handle disputes at school?

I told DH that the school has a no tolerance policy when it comes to physical contact with another student. I'll start by talking to the teacher - thank you!

Re: How do you tell your DC to handle disputes at school?

I'd mention to the teacher so she can keep an eye out and if anything were to happen in the future or things got worse you reported the incident. Earlier this year my son was hit by another boy during recess. This came a day after my son told me the story where the same boy hit another child the day before and the teacher asked my son what happened (he said in front of others in the class) and my son told me he told the teacher about what happened. I was at a loss what to do. My first reaction was the boy retailating for my son answering the teacher's question. I know my son is very shy and quiet at school but I know at home he is no angel so I also wanted to make sure the story was true and that if there was an incident the teacher was aware and if my son was at fault I can correct him. I went back and forth and in the end decided to write the teacher a note askign about my son's involvement. I am glad I did - it put me at peace and mind and made the teacher aware of the situation - luckily she had been already aware (she as not there when my son was hit and my son told me it was when the whistle blew and he wasn't allowed to talk so he didn't tell the monitor) but confirmed my son was not at fault and seemed appreciative that I did bring it to her attention.

Re: How do you tell your DC to handle disputes at school?

DD is only in day care, but we've told her to tell the kid to stop and say it loud enough for a teacher to hear.

I've also told her to shake a fist and say "knock it off or else".

May have been the wrong tactic because a few weeks ago she shook a fist at DH and told him to "give me a cookie or else". But I realized that if I was a kid coming at her and she did that, I would probably back off too-she looked a little crazy.

Re: How do you tell your DC to handle disputes at school?

Our school has a 0 tolerence for physical fighting and bullying policy. If you hit you get a fast track pass to the Asst Principals office.

We tell DS Use words first, if that dosent work walk away, if it continues find a teacher/monitor.

Re: How do you tell your DC to handle disputes at school?

We had an issue with a boy making some comments to my son. I told him to tell the boy to stop it was not nice, loudly. Then to go tell the teacher if he was saying something to him. I also called the teacher and it was definitly something they were already keeping their eye on, but was glad I called since she wasn't sure if he was getting upset by it, since he was not saying anything to the teacher.

There is a no hitting policy at school also, you can't even hit second, which kinda stinks, but I totally understand it at the same time.

It is hard though becuase on one hand we tell our kids not to tattle on other's but then we say tell the teacher. It is hard for them to decipher what is tatteling and what needs to be told.

Re: How do you tell your DC to handle disputes at school?

Knock him out!










































































































































































































So what happened?

Re: How do you tell your DC to handle disputes at school?

I sent an email to DS's teacher with my concerns, and asked her to get to the bottom of what happened as I'm sure that my DS was no angel either. Turns out I was right - they were both in the wrong (the other kid kept hitting my DS's backpack and pushed him to the ground, then said my DS wasn't strong so to prove he was strong, he took his arm and twisted it). Nobody was hurt and these two have never gotten into it before so I'm hoping it's an isolated incident. We have to have a discussion with DS so he knows what the other child did was wrong, but that his reaction was also wrong.