what do you tell/teach DC to do if another kid hits them?

We teach DD : don't hit and if anyone hits you go tell the teacher (or another supervising adult/parent)
Well today was the 3rd time DD's teacher told me that another kid hit DD (same kid in all 3 cases) and today not only did she hit her but also poked her eye. My DD cried... the teacher saw the whole thing.... Long story short the teacher spoke to the kid's parents AGAIN....
One of DD's friends moms overheard what happened and she told me that I should tell DD to hit back , that's what she tells her kid , another parent agreed.
On one hand I don't feel right telling DD to hit back, but on the other hand I don't want her to be a pushover and let another kid hit her without standing up for herself. I mean I know she stands up for herself, she is tough (I;ve seen it and the teacher has seen it) but she will not hit/push back if hit or pushed.
So what do you do? What do you teach your DC ? WWYD in this situation?

Re: what do you tell/teach DC to do if another kid hits them?

I think if DC is in daycare, they are too young to make a decision about when to stick up for themself. Maybe in elementary school...not now.

Re: what do you tell/teach DC to do if another kid hits them?

MY son is 9, we tell him to defend himself and/or hit back.
As for little kids I say to speak to teacher or caregiver & talk to them abt how somd kids use hitting to express themselves but its not nice and there are other ways to show how you feel. If it continues to happen I wld be making a visit to the school.

Re: what do you tell/teach DC to do if another kid hits them?

Message edited 5/24/2011 5:11:05 PM.

Re: what do you tell/teach DC to do if another kid hits them?

I would never teach my girls to ever hit someone back I don't think that accomplishes anything and if anything just gets your child in trouble as well. I taught DD to tell the person NOT to hit/push her. She stands right up to them - wags her finger at them and says DON"T push me or DON"T hit me and they usually back off. (mind you she is one of the smallest in the class). She knows that if the child continues to hit or push her THEN she should tell the teacher - but from what I hear she never tells the teacher - but they said she can hold her own.

Re: what do you tell/teach DC to do if another kid hits them?

Re: what do you tell/teach DC to do if another kid hits them?

AJ is nearly 3. She gets hit and cries like kid should.

It KILLS me.

Just this morning she walked in her room all happy with her rolly polly and another girl had a hard plastic zebra. Out of nowhere she smacks AJ across the face with it. I was floored. I reopened the door but before I could take a step inside they picked up AJ and had her at the back door distracting her with putting the rolly polly outside. I stepped away.

But WT F !? I was outside the room with AJ's teacher walked by and I said "Mila just smacked AJ in the face with a zebra.. what the heck" She said "really, oh my. Well Mila's no longer in our class" and had that look like -I didn't like her behavior. But really I think she got moved out cause she's bigger now (even tho she's younger than AJ) and she's probably potty trained.

I need to seriously look at the other classes to make sure I make a good choice for next year.

But now.... I just say tell the teacher. But that's stupid since AJ makes it clear she's been hurt and will tell EVERYONE under the sun for WEEKS who did it and how. She'll demand an ice pack for a few days too (her solution to every boo boo).

But when she gets older. Yes, I have EVERY intention of telling her to hit back and hit back as hard as she possibly can.

Sorry but its how I was raised. Don't start fights, tell your teacher.. but if push comes to shove (literally) you hit back and hit back hard as you can as much as you can until you can run away or someone stops you. I was always smaller, always the outsider (new kid, small kid, young kid, funny looking, talks funny) kid. I was forever picked on with two different colored eyes. I had to defend myself. So i did.

I didn't get into fights often but when I did, I made sure that even tho I nearly ALWAYS lost, someone else was going home with bruises. After awhile, I stopped losing. Mostly because I had nothing to lose type attitudes. By High School people stopped teasing me. So bad was my last fight in middle school that the other person started to tell people. "Dont mess with Veronica, its just not worth it. She'll let you tease her and torment her but sooner or later, you'll go too far and she has no boundries" ... I know this because she and I became friends later.

I hate fighting. But I won't let my daughter become a punching bag. In the day and age of bullying. I won't have my daughter be a victim and worse become suicidal over some scum at school. I also won't teach her to fight and BECOME that bully either!

Re: what do you tell/teach DC to do if another kid hits them?

I ALWAYS tell Cailen to go get a teacher. To never hit back. I don't think it is ever OK to hit or hurt someone when there are adults nearby to help these kids out and keep them safe.

If it continued to happen, I would request my child not be in the class with the kid until something was done about it.

Re: what do you tell/teach DC to do if another kid hits them?

I'm a teacher and always told my students to tell a teacher. It's just the way it should be at school. BUT I also am a firm believer in self defense and wouldn't fault a kid for reacting. Think about it: If someone hit me IRL, I'd hit back! I think it's healthy to teach them to do the same if there are no adults around. BUT if a parent or teacher is nearby, that should be who they appeal to for help.

Re: what do you tell/teach DC to do if another kid hits them?

Re: what do you tell/teach DC to do if another kid hits them?

we went to le play cafe and DS was smacked 3 times on the arm by this boy that was older than him. I yelled no hitting from across the room, but DS just ran away like nothing happened. my DS is 2.5 YO I think it's too early for him to understand defending himself unfortunately.

I would have loved for him to hit him back but at the same time, it's probalby not the right thing to teach him

Message edited 5/24/2011 7:36:35 PM.

Re: what do you tell/teach DC to do if another kid hits them?

Apparently my almost 2 yr old thinks the answer is to bite the kid who pushes her!! We've told her to tell the teacher when it happens ...

Message edited 5/24/2011 9:57:40 PM.

Re: what do you tell/teach DC to do if another kid hits them?

I taught 3rd grade before I went on leave and hated, HATED hearing parents teach their kids if someone were to hit them, to hit back. This drives me nuts! That is NOT the responsible thing to do! Why bother teach your child manners if you're going to say "Say please and thank you, but if anyone hits you, do the ghetto thing to do, and hit them back." LOL

We don't live in that kind of society as adults, so why would we teach our children to "hit back" over taking the high road, being the better person, having class,making the lady/gentleman-like decision, and telling an adult?

Honestly, if I just walked up to any of you, say, in the supermarket, and hit you with my handbag....would you really hit me back? I doubt it. I'm guessing you wouldn't get into a catfight with me, but threaten to call the cops if I don't move away from you immediately. I know that sounds absurd, but you get my drift.

Sorry if I offended anyone.

Re: what do you tell/teach DC to do if another kid hits them?

I have no qualms about teaching my son to defend himself by hitting back in defense if there are no adults around to help him. No qualms at all.

Some bullies need to learn a taste of their own medicine or else they will continue to pick on you.

Re: what do you tell/teach DC to do if another kid hits them?

Honestly, if I just walked up to any of you, say, in the supermarket, and hit you with my handbag....would you really hit me back? I doubt it. I'm guessing you wouldn't get into a catfight with me, but threaten to call the cops if I don't move away from you immediately. I know that sounds absurd, but you get my drift.




This is so hard. While I agree that hitting is a terrible way for children to express their anger or frustration, I would want my DD to know how to defend herself and NEVER to allow a class bully to target her. If the first time she were to get a teacher, I would be very proud of that decision because it shows maturity, HOWEVER, if it happened again I would hope that she gives it back and doesn't allow herself to be a victim especially in the 'bullying' society we live in.

AND...if you came up to me in a supermarket and hit me intentionally, you can be sure I am not waiting to find a cop.

Message edited 5/25/2011 5:08:21 AM.

Re: what do you tell/teach DC to do if another kid hits them?

I agree with all of you, it's hard to know what the "right thing" is in this situation.
I'm going to keep telling DD that it is NOT ok to hit anyone under any circumstance and to get an adult if she gets hit or pushed or even called names, but if it keeps happening or if there are no adults then maybe she needs to retaliate depending on a situation. I'm always around and will try my best to teach her right and wrong (or what I think is right and wrong) , but I can't control what goes on when she is at school so I'm going to trust her common sense/her judgment and that she'll do what we teach her and speak to a teacher first...

Message edited 5/25/2011 8:24:25 AM.

Re: what do you tell/teach DC to do if another kid hits them?

"ghetto thing"?? what does that mean. I dont "teach" my child to hit ppl out of a wim...what do encourge is self defence and using voice not fist first. and after that if the taunting, pushing and hitting continue then pushing back or hitting back is the last resort. My child has never had to do that so far but I wld not punish him under these circumstances. Older kids need to stand their ground and they wont be picked on.

Message edited 5/25/2011 8:44:43 AM.

Re: what do you tell/teach DC to do if another kid hits them?

I am going to answer this from another point of view. My DS is a hitter right now. He is in special ed and we are working on it A LOT, both at home and at his preschool. He also goes to daycare and I do ask and get reports on how he is doing with the hitting there. In fact, there is one little girl who gives me a daily report.

From this side, at this age, I can tell you that telling a child to hit back is NOT the right thing to do. With my DS I see that hitting back seems to make the problem worse. With this one girl at daycare, I tell her to tell the teacher when it happens, and to stay away from him if he is not being nice to her. I think part of the problem with some of the kids at daycare is they annoy him and don't leave him alone, so he lashes out sometimes. There are plenty of times it is solely his fault, but at 3, they don't seem to understand that maybe he just wants to be left alone, too.

I do think when a kid is older - middle school or HS maybe, it would be reasonable for them to hit back to defend themselves, but I would also teach them that even in self defense, they may have to face consequences for hitting back.

Message edited 5/25/2011 9:22:51 AM.

Re: what do you tell/teach DC to do if another kid hits them?

It's one thing to defend one's self and assert one's self when someone is being bullied....I know that...I'm a teacher. However, from a non-professional point of view, I can't imagine my younger son running to me saying my older son hit him and reply "Well, hit him back, of course!"

Would, or I guess, ARE any of you out there teaching your children that?? I'm VERY curious to know if you condone your own children "defending" themselves by hitting each other back...

(Sorry for my aforementioned usage of the term "ghetto"...I had a specific parent-involved situation I had witnessed in mind as I wrote that, and it best described that particular situation.)

Re: what do you tell/teach DC to do if another kid hits them?

Walk away and tell the teacher. I would never tell my child to hit back. Especially since it's grounds for trouble when he/she gets older.

Re: what do you tell/teach DC to do if another kid hits them?

DD went through this at daycare-a couple of the boys, one in particular, would hit her.

I spoke to the teacher about it several times. Claire would walk away, we would tell her to go to a teacher. It didn't help.

The teachers said the boy doing it really liked her-nice, but I'm not teaching my daughter that a man who hits her must really love her

So, I taught DD to shake a fist at them and tell them she was going to clock them. She never hit back, but she did shake a fist.

I want her to stand up for herself. I'm not saying hit, but get loud and show them she is not okay with it.

I did tell her that it's okay to hit back if someone is hitting her and she can't get away. I also told her she should yell and scream. I'm not concerned about daycare-but older kids on the playground, stranger danger, etc. My girl will not go quietly!

Message edited 6/4/2012 10:26:36 AM.