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Budjeg11
LIF Adult
Member since 4/11 2644 total posts
Name:
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VENT!!!.. its long!
Message edited 6/13/2011 2:13:15 PM.
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Posted 6/10/11 11:35 PM  |
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AimeeE2006
Time flies!
Member since 1/06 5698 total posts
Name:
Aimee
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Re: VENT!!!.. its long!
I would have been upset too. Don't let them bring you down.
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| Posted 6/11/11 12:02 AM |
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ISpoilHim
I think I got this
Member since 11/10 1523 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: VENT!!!.. its long!
This is hard. But I don't think your friends meant anything hurtful by it.
I am 38, while we were TTC, one friend of ours announced she was PG and then 3 wks later that it was triplets. Then another friend announced she was PG. It was overwhelming for me. I was happy for both of them, but sad for myself because we were trying and not being sucessful. I was that friend who said nothing. And when I went outside for fresh air, cried.
I don't think it's that they are not happy for you, just that they may be sad for themselves. You say that the same thing happened when you announced you were getting married. Well, maybe they are looking to settle down and start a family and it just is not happening for them. You don't know what is going on in their minds.
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| Posted 6/11/11 7:53 AM |
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DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
Name:
DiamondMama
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Re: VENT!!!.. its long!
I can certainly see why you are upset, but your friend was honest with you in the text. I hope that they are able to be happy and supportive of you after the inital surprise passes 
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| Posted 6/11/11 8:00 AM |
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Bearcat
Love my little girls!!! <3
Member since 6/10 10818 total posts
Name:
E
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Re: VENT!!!.. its long!
I see both sides to it. I've been in your friends' shoes. Was for many years. I know what it feels like, and while I may not have reacted how they did, everyone reacts differently to things. They'll come around.
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| Posted 6/11/11 8:34 AM |
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teaforthree
My Handsome Boy!
Member since 12/10 2549 total posts
Name:
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Re: VENT!!!.. its long!
Posted by Budjeg11
Do you think I am being self absorbed or would you be upset too?
I think THEY'RE being self absorbed!! How selfish that your good news - someone they CARE about - can bring them down!
I would be upset, too. But, don't let it consume you... it will pass. In the meantime, enjoy YOUR happiness and don't let anyone else's disappointment in their lives bring you down!
Misery loves company, and you're not miserable, which upsets them.
You can't control that the only people that will probably be truly happy for you - including strangers - are people that are happy in their own lives. And it's true... I met two of the NICEST ladies in an elevator that were SO happy for me after a 20 second conversation about when I was due and that it was my first. They were so thrilled, I almost invited them to my shower!! 
WE'RE ALL HAPPY FOR YOU on these boards, so don't let them get you too down!!!
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| Posted 6/11/11 9:21 AM |
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Wishing4ababy
My life is complete!
Member since 1/07 2494 total posts
Name:
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Re: VENT!!!.. its long!
One of my single friend reacted like this when I told her, she never even said congratulations, she was like "Oh that's nice". After knowing what I've been through to get to this point. I'm hurt and I can understand why your upset at your friends. You can't change people. You just have to brush it off and realize this is the happiest moment of your life and nobody can take that away from you.
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| Posted 6/11/11 9:45 AM |
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springsandra
Baby girl has a baby brother!
Member since 11/09 7155 total posts
Name:
Sandra
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Re: VENT!!!.. its long!
Posted by Bearcat
I see both sides to it. I've been in your friends' shoes. Was for many years. I know what it feels like, and while I may not have reacted how they did, everyone reacts differently to things. They'll come around.
ITA
I think it's really hard to take in that news when you're not expecting it when it is such a change from what's going on in your own life. Before I was pregnant, I knew so little about being pregnant, having babies, etc, and I always felt like such an outsider when a friend said they were going to have a baby. It was a mix of jealousy and worry about whether I'd ever be able to have children... would I ever get to that point in my own life? Would I physically be able to? How long will I have to wait until it's my turn to have children?
All those thoughts would go through my head when I heard a PG announcement... even when I just read it on FB or heard on the phone. It was hard to be extremely excited and joyous for the other person until I'd had a chance to process it and put my own concerns and selfish thoughts out of my mind. Then I could get excited, ask a zillion questions, and become super nosy.
I feel like maybe you put your friends on the spot by announcing it like that, expecting a triumphant exuberance from them that they just weren't ready to give.
I know you're upset with them, but I would send them all an email explaining that you really only meant your announcement as something to celebrate and never meant to alienate anyone when you told them. That you realize now that maybe it would've been better to tell them all in a less confrontational way so they wouldn't have to be on the spot to react a certain way with you there, but that you hope they'll all be there for you through the morning sickness, the bloating, the swelling, the fat feet, the heat flashes, the PP bleeding -- you know, all the UNGLAMOROUS stuff about having a baby that you need your friends around you for -- and that on the other side, there will still be girls nights out but also a baby to coo over and buy clothing for.
Especially if you're the first of your friends to be going through this life-changing experience, it's a huge shock to the world they're used to. But your assurance that you still need them and their advice and their support will help ease the transition.
Sorry for your disappointment, but try not to take it personally. Their reaction had nothing to do with YOU and everything to do with THEM. It doesn't change your friendships at all. Try to refocus, and everything will be ok once they process the whole situation.
Message edited 6/11/2011 9:56:47 AM.
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| Posted 6/11/11 9:56 AM |
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cinnabon
Complete..
Member since 6/10 1592 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: VENT!!!.. its long!
I understand both sides also, but id def be upset on their reactions. But like pp said, they will come around.
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| Posted 6/11/11 10:29 AM |
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Budjeg11
LIF Adult
Member since 4/11 2644 total posts
Name:
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Re: VENT!!!.. its long!
Message edited 6/13/2011 2:14:11 PM.
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| Posted 6/11/11 11:49 AM |
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Budjeg11
LIF Adult
Member since 4/11 2644 total posts
Name:
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Re: VENT!!!.. its long!
Message edited 6/13/2011 2:15:20 PM.
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| Posted 6/11/11 11:53 AM |
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FirstMate
My lil cowboy
Member since 10/10 7790 total posts
Name:
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Re: VENT!!!.. its long!
I know both sides of this as well but IMO, fake it till you make it. We were having trouble TTC and I thought I had finally gotten preggo and then I got AF. Literally, 10 mins later my BFF called to tell me she was preggo. Through tears, I said "OMG Congrats! That is so exciting!" and I truly meant it. It made me sad FOR ME but I was so happy for her.
I think that it's pretty unhealthy to let your own troubles get you to a place where you can't celebrate with/for someone else. I'm sorry your friends acted like that towards you.
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| Posted 6/11/11 12:49 PM |
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cinnabon
Complete..
Member since 6/10 1592 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: VENT!!!.. its long!
Jealousy is a bit*h....plain and simple! Embrace this moment in your life and forget how they feel. Honestly, its a HUGE thing for you. I would be NOTHING BUT HAPPY for my friends. Jealous maybe, but def happy.
Your going to be a momma! Woohoo!
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| Posted 6/11/11 1:14 PM |
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Re: VENT!!!.. its long!
Posted by Budjeg11
. I feel like I always hav eto apologize or walk on eggshells around them bc they are "not in the same place as me'. I always try twice as hard to stay in touch and be supportive.. but Im realizing that its not worth it... friendshjp is a two way street and I shouldnt feel guilty about being in a place that they are not.
IMO, if that's how you feel about your friendship with them (having to walk on eggshells, feeling the need to downplay the happiness in your life so as not to upset THEM) then you are right, maybe the relationship has run its course and it's time to start putting some distance between you. I understand that people may get jealous, think of where they are in their lives in comparison to yours, etc....I really do get it, but I would hope that they would at least put on a happy face (as hard as it may be) as a FRIEND and at the very least congratulate you!
I had a HS friend like that once....I told her I was engaged and there was no congratulations or anything. We went out to dinner a few days later and again, nothing, no congrats, no 'hey, let me see the ring'...not even when our waitress made a comment about my ring being beautiful and asked to see it. We ended up drifting apart and I haven't seen or spoken to her in about 5 years.
Sorry you are going through this. Congrats on your pregnancy!!!!! 
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| Posted 6/11/11 11:04 PM |
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RocPin
Life's Beachy <3
Member since 2/08 6765 total posts
Name:
Heather
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Re: VENT!!!.. its long!
Posted by FirstMate
I know both sides of this as well but IMO, fake it till you make it. We were having trouble TTC and I thought I had finally gotten preggo and then I got AF. Literally, 10 mins later my BFF called to tell me she was preggo. Through tears, I said "OMG Congrats! That is so exciting!" and I truly meant it. It made me sad FOR ME but I was so happy for her.
I think that it's pretty unhealthy to let your own troubles get you to a place where you can't celebrate with/for someone else. I'm sorry your friends acted like that towards you.
I completely agree. During the 5 months we were TTC, my BFF, cousin and sister got PG. I am not going to lie, I may have gone home and felt totally down in a "why not me" kind of way but I was thrilled for all of them and I showed it.
I think its selfish to act that way and they need to think about when the shoe is on the other foot. How would they want you to respond to their good news.
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| Posted 6/11/11 11:42 PM |
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hotsauce345
my love, my life, my son
Member since 1/09 4169 total posts
Name:
Melody
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Re: VENT!!!.. its long!
i think your friends text response was truthful and i'd respect her for being so honest and saying what everyone else will only think around you.
That being said...yeah it does suck...but unfortunately...thats often the way it is. do you know how many couples get into arguements at weddings because all of a sudden the girl sees the bride in her white dress all happy and beautiful with the focus on her in her special moment and then its like (TICK TOCK TICK TOCK) "why am IIIII not good enough to marry??? when? when? when?..." ugh I've seen it happen so many times!
i got a few "flat" reactions when i told people i was preggo too...but people need to realize that life is not some timeline you follow. things happen differently for everyone and it happens when its supposed to happen...not when you force it to because you think it's "your time" people are jealous...thats their problem...you just enjoy every minute of this blessing and let them wallow in their self pity for a little while if thats the route they choose.
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| Posted 6/11/11 11:46 PM |
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diva7531
My Peanut
Member since 2/07 5199 total posts
Name:
Ryan 3 boys EDD 11/6!
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Re: VENT!!!.. its long!
Even if that is truly how they feel, then they should have shown fake excitement. At least that is my opinion. I remember how hard it was for a LOT of my friends when I was PG with DD. I was 25 and we were deep into our partying days. There was a BFF that I do not see anymore because of it. In the end I think when you have life changes like weddings or babies, you find out who your friends are and who are your "partying" buddies.
I do hope your friends come around, but their reaction will always be with you. If you treasure your friendship with this one particular friend, you should give her a call and ask her about it and explain how her reaction made you feel. Good Luck with it all, I hope it works out.
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| Posted 6/12/11 6:03 AM |
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