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queensgal
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Member since 4/09 3287 total posts
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Helping DH with the Miscarriage
Any tips or experiences to share on helping DH?
He is very upset and sad about the loss of our peanut and it just kills me to see him upset. It is still very raw and new but just wondering how other DH's made it through?
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Posted 9/30/11 11:08 PM  |
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cateyemm
Twins!
Member since 7/10 8027 total posts
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Re: Helping DH with the Miscarriage
I'm so sorry. I dont have any advice because I was going to post exactly the same thing tonight.
He is so devastated yet has been so strong for me. I keep askig him what ican do for him but I dont want to talk about it aloud yet and I know he does.
Any advice wouldbe greatly appreciated
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| Posted 9/30/11 11:19 PM |
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queensgal
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Member since 4/09 3287 total posts
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Re: Helping DH with the Miscarriage
It's just so hard. DH is so emotionally stable, I always joke (ok its basically the truth) that he only shows emotion during sports events.
It just kills me to see him so upset. We are still going through everything and it is very new and raw but we will most likely be stuck in the house together all weekend and I am just nervous about making him mad or upsetting him more.
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| Posted 9/30/11 11:36 PM |
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cateyemm
Twins!
Member since 7/10 8027 total posts
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Re: Helping DH with the Miscarriage
Its funny, I told him today hes stuck with me in the house all weekend. I am going to have to keep him busy. Im the type that can stare at the ceiling all day (which is basically what ive been doing) and hes super active. So we already talked about him going out every day and making sure he doesnt sit around and dwell all day. Or if your dh cant leave you, maybe give him little jobs around the house? (although some dhs definitely dont like that!) keep him busy.
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| Posted 10/1/11 12:09 AM |
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Re: Helping DH with the Miscarriage
When we lost our Skittle, Nov 2009, my DH didn't talk about it. He was way to focused on me and how I was doing. I tried to be there for him, but we just were in 2 totally different places. He spoke to his BFF and that seemed to help. We were b oth just so freaking numb and with the holidays our grief was pushed aside and we both sank into a depression. The day after Christmas 2009 I ttok the tree down and he freaked out because he wanted it up. This was the start of us talking and healing. It's almost 2yrs later and we still talk about Skittle. I found it's important to just be honest with my feelings and talk about the baby when I need to. It takes time and, like I said, for us the real healing began a month later. We needed to grieve alone and sorta take a break form "fixing" it for eachother. Does that make sense? I also found sying to DH that he has a right to be sad too helped. WHen he would ask me how I was doing he would deflect and I would just say we BOTH lost a baby...you get to be sad too. What can I do to help you?
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| Posted 10/1/11 7:37 AM |
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Megs4
LIF Adult
Member since 11/08 1619 total posts
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Megan
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Re: Helping DH with the Miscarriage
My husband very much focused on me, taking care of me after the D&C, making sure I had everything I needed, etc. Then he would keep busy with other tasks.
I think he felt like he couldn't burden me with his problems because I was so upset already. I told him he could, but he would still just comfort me.
He did talk to others who had been through it or who could at least be sympathetic and just getting it out there helped him a lot.
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| Posted 10/1/11 11:47 AM |
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Melissa1013
My sweet boy
Member since 1/08 1933 total posts
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Melissa
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Re: Helping DH with the Miscarriage
There are some great on-line resources that may be able to help your DH. I know there are quite a few blogs out there of dads who have lost a baby (whether it's through miscarriage or infant loss). Sometimes I think it's easier for the guys to feel "safe" on-line rather than in person.
to you and your DH. I'm so sorry for your loss.
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| Posted 10/1/11 1:21 PM |
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queensgal
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Member since 4/09 3287 total posts
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Re: Helping DH with the Miscarriage
Posted by Melissa1013
There are some great on-line resources that may be able to help your DH. I know there are quite a few blogs out there of dads who have lost a baby (whether it's through miscarriage or infant loss). Sometimes I think it's easier for the guys to feel "safe" on-line rather than in person.
to you and your DH. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Thanks to everyone who responded - I think I will research a blog. Knowing his personality, this might help.
Thanks again - I wish none of us had to post about this but it does help me to know we aren't alone.
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| Posted 10/1/11 6:03 PM |
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Re: Helping DH with the Miscarriage
Believe it or not doctors and talking to people in general helped both of us feel better. Bring him to appt's with you and let him hear how this is so common and most woman go on to have healthy babies. Talk to family members and good friends and let them share their stories that you can share with him. Just hearing that my grandma had a mc and went on to have three healthy babies ect made us both feel like we can make it through this. I know this is just how I feel but this really did help me
Message edited 10/1/2011 10:57:13 PM.
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| Posted 10/1/11 10:56 PM |
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