| Posted By |
Message |
| Pages: 1 [2] |
summerBaby10
let's be nice
Member since 9/07 10208 total posts
Name:
Wifey
|
Re: something that was said to me today...
Posted by MrsECullen7319
Im a firm believer that MILs should not be allowed to talk!!
amen!!
|
Posted 10/19/11 8:28 AM  |
| |
|
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
babilicious
LIF Zygote
Member since 10/10 35 total posts
Name:
|
Re: something that was said to me today...
I believe in the same thing you do and I am the same way with my 4month old dd. Don't let anyone make you feel you are doing something wrong cause you are not. Please don't take this the wrong way but it sounds like your mil has an issue not you and more importantly not your baby. You are the mom and you know what's best.
|
| Posted 10/19/11 8:31 AM |
| |
|
JenMarie
One day at a time
Member since 11/07 7397 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
|
Re: something that was said to me today...
Posted by GioiaMia
I dont think you should feel bad at all!!
But, I dont think "putting him down" = CIO either. Do you let him hang out in a swing? bouncer? high chair? pack and play? Do you try to get him to look at toys?
I am saying this FOR YOU not for your MIL. Because I read on here about moms who can't go to the bathroom alone, or can't finish a cup of hot coffee. . . and I have never experienced that! DD is so independent and can hang by herself for a while before she starts looking for me. And it is in part because my mom was "mean" and told me PUT HER DOWN and I listened. Hope this doesn't get you upset - just giving you another point of view!
I agree. CIO is very different from putting a baby down and letting them play independently. But from what you've said you put your DS down. I think you're doing just fine and maybe your MIL just doesn't remember what having a baby entails or maybe she is jealous your son wanted you. Either way, don't let her comments bother you. You are doing a great job!!
|
| Posted 10/19/11 8:40 AM |
| |
|
Sparrow
LIF Adult
Member since 11/10 6826 total posts
Name:
|
Re: something that was said to me today...
Ugh, your MIL sounds like many of the old school people who thinks holding a young baby often is "bad" for them   Do you NEED MIL to babysit? If not, then I'd tell her you feel really bad that he was so "difficult" to watch and you won't put her through that again (or maybe don't tell her anything but don't have her babysit again). Maybe she can try again at a much later date when DS is older and less difficult l .
I'd also throw in that your DOCTOR says it's very important for babies to be held as often as they want at this age (I know mine told us this and I was sure to tell anyone who gave me conflicting "advice").
|
| Posted 10/19/11 9:26 AM |
| |
|
LoveyQ
Stalkers, get a life.
Member since 11/07 12820 total posts
Name:
|
Re: something that was said to me today...
Posted by wingsofsong
Exactly this! We held our son ALL THE TIME in his first few months of life. It's so crucial at that age- babies require and thrive off of physical touch. They need to learn that they can be entirely dependent on you and feel safe and secure with you and that their needs will be met. This sense of security that you instill in them so young is what will foster their ability to "venture out" and away from you as they get older, knowing you will always be there and they can always rely on you.
ITA!
We didn't hold DS ALLLLLL the time, but yes when he cried, I would pick him up, check him etc. My mother said that he was going to be SO spoiled bc we always picked him up etc. Well, he is a SUPER independent little boy. We did CIO at 6 months to get him to STTN, and thankfully it worked. He knows how to play independently and isn't too attached to either me or DH.
And how rude of your MIL to say he's difficult to watch. HE'S A BABY! When my MIL started watching DS at 3 months, I told her specifically that she should not let him cry yet. She respected my wishes. She would tell me how her sister let her infant grandson cry all day when she watched him because she thought they should learn young. Well that baby to this day is very hard to calm down. I can't say it's related, but it makes me wonder.
|
| Posted 10/19/11 9:34 AM |
| |
|
yankinmanc
Happy Days!
Member since 8/05 18208 total posts
Name:
|
Re: something that was said to me today...
Screw her. Don't leave the baby with her again. Stupid thing to say.
|
| Posted 10/19/11 9:37 AM |
| |
|
BriBri2u
L'amore vince sempre
Member since 5/05 9320 total posts
Name:
Mrs. B
|
Re: something that was said to me today...
Eff that shiiit. I HATE when people say you can spoil a newborn. NO YOU CAN'T - they need you.
I held my DS ALL the time - I didn't care that some people told me it was my fault he was crying whenever he wasn't in my arms.
Now he is 13 months old and holding him is much harder because he wants to go go go.
So you hold him as much as you can - because like someone told me 8 months ago - pretty soon they won't want you to hold them any longer.
I also want to say that your MIL was so wrong to say that to you. How can a baby be diffiuclt at that age? Maybe something was bothering him or he wasn't feeling well.
Being difficult in my book is not listening and running around and causing chaos.
|
| Posted 10/19/11 9:46 AM |
| |
|
hotsauce345
my love, my life, my son
Member since 1/09 4169 total posts
Name:
Melody
|
Re: something that was said to me today...
yeah, see with the exception of this week he has slept 9-10 hours through the night without being rocked to sleep or anything like that...and he's gone into his crib FULLY AWAKE! he just stares at the projection on the ceiling or looks around and falls asleep. so he definitely exhibits the capacity to self soothe. It's just during the day...maybe i just need to re-visit all his toys activity mats again and see if he prefers one more now...maybe he'll like something he used to hate before.
|
| Posted 10/19/11 9:57 AM |
| |
|
WNA01
my 2 boys
Member since 10/08 4240 total posts
Name:
|
Re: something that was said to me today...
im ALL for spoiling babies - they are babies only once and they grow up so fast!
if it were my MIL i wouldn't even let her watch him anymore..screw her and her stupid comments
|
| Posted 10/19/11 11:52 AM |
| |
|
LINewbie
Tigger the the Rescue!
Member since 8/08 5647 total posts
Name:
LB
|
Re: something that was said to me today...
MIL say that to us every time she sees us... literally. not that he is difficult (I would be piisssssed) but that he only likes us, we hold him too much, he is spoiled... Meanwhile she is holding him and he is grinning at her. I just ignore her. I know it isn't true. it bothered me t first, but now i don't even respond and let it roll off my back.
|
| Posted 10/19/11 12:59 PM |
| |
|
buttercup
St. Jude pray for us...
Member since 1/11 2951 total posts
Name:
|
Re: something that was said to me today...
I haven't even had my baby yet, my MIL told me something to same effect.. don't spoil the baby by holding him/her up all the time. I was like whatever.. you really can't spoil a young baby, iand goes "oh you researched" in a very snarky tone.. I was like yes, I sure did and there's no harm in that. Don't worry about it, and hold your baby, cuddle, kiss, and love him to pieces.. he'll only be this little once..
|
| Posted 10/19/11 1:05 PM |
| |
|
KennysMommy
Never knew LOVE like it before
Member since 3/10 2640 total posts
Name:
Danielle
|
Re: something that was said to me today...
Wait, holding a very young baby that isn't able to sit on his own is "difficult"???? They need to get a grip! I help DS for the first 3 months NON STOP! Yes, my mother kept telling me he was spoiled and I was doing more damage than good.... it's an "older generation" thing, I guess. Keep doing what you're doing. There will come a time that he won't want to be held. Let him enjoy it now.
|
| Posted 10/19/11 1:13 PM |
| |
|
hotsauce345
my love, my life, my son
Member since 1/09 4169 total posts
Name:
Melody
|
Re: something that was said to me today...
Posted by KennysMommy
Wait, holding a very young baby that isn't able to sit on his own is "difficult"???? They need to get a grip! I help DS for the first 3 months NON STOP! Yes, my mother kept telling me he was spoiled and I was doing more damage than good.... it's an "older generation" thing, I guess. Keep doing what you're doing. There will come a time that he won't want to be held. Let him enjoy it now.
it certainly is an older generation thing bc i just talked to my mom about it and she said "why did it hurt your feelings? because you don't wanna hear the truth?" GRRRRRRRRRR I told her if she keeps it up she better be ready to take a cab when she comes to visit next month!
|
| Posted 10/19/11 1:21 PM |
| |
|
SecretSpell
LIF Zygote
Member since 10/11 10 total posts
Name:
|
Re: something that was said to me today...
Wow. As impossible as it may seem, try not to let that get to you. We're talking about a young infant that needs that contact with his parents. It's certainly not making a baby that's only a few months old "spoiled".
You are absolutely in the right to be cuddling that little guy as much as possible! My own MIL made a few comments similar to yours, though not as blunt, and I ignored her.
As he gets older, he'll most likely get "easier" in their eyes anyway, and it will come more naturally to him to interact with people who aren't mom and dad. Your holding your baby is only going to impact him positively in the long run.
|
| Posted 10/19/11 2:04 PM |
| |
|
zaidam
*************
Member since 1/07 1519 total posts
Name:
|
Re: something that was said to me today...
My mother in law said the SAME THING TO ME after she watched him for the first and only time. Let it roll off your back, it's most likely that she was overwhelmed with being alone with a baby and her emotions took over her judgement.
|
| Posted 10/19/11 2:07 PM |
| |
|
|
|
Re: something that was said to me today...
not much to add except that i think it is completely normal for a baby who is 14.5 weeks old to want to be held. DD is 15 months old and I did not do cry it out at all until around 6-8 months. She is a perfectly fine, independent little girl. She is a little attached to me when i get home from work but our caregivers tell me when i'm not around she is fine playing by her self.
there is nothing wrong with the baby wanted to be held by its momma! i mean we were "roommates" with our babies for 40 weeks! ;) why would someone think that once the baby is born that ends right away?!
don't doubt yourself...people always have something to say especially when it comes to babies.....trust your instinct and do what is best for your baby!
|
| Posted 10/19/11 2:18 PM |
| |
|
sugar-magnolia
Love my baby girls
Member since 6/07 2281 total posts
Name:
n
|
Re: something that was said to me today...
I don't believe this. You cannot spoil an infant! I held DD constantly, and when I was gone, it was out of sight, out of mind to her. Your MIL sounds like she is impatient or just not used to an infant.
|
| Posted 10/19/11 4:05 PM |
| |
|
babymakes3
Almost there!
Member since 7/06 7376 total posts
Name:
|
Re: something that was said to me today...
I would tell her that when you watch an infant that young, expect to hold the baby!!
Seriously, what is she doing that's so important that she needs the baby to sit quietly on his own? I'm sure you have a bottle ready or at least near-prepared so really, what else is there to do when you commit to watching a 3mo old?
|
| Posted 10/19/11 4:13 PM |
| |
|
MaMaTeenie
Party of 5
Member since 4/08 6489 total posts
Name:
Mommy
|
Re: something that was said to me today...
Posted by Momma2Be
Bull$hit. I don't know how old your DS is but you mentioned he wasn't sitting up yet so that leads me to believe he's probably only a few months old?
My DS wanted to be held literally all day in the beginning. My pediatrician assured me he was too young to be "spoiled" and even encouraged it saying that it is important that DS felt secure that I would be there to meet his needs and physical contact was the best way to foster that trust/security.
As the months passed, DS started entertaining himself for longer periods of time and got big enough for me to put him in the exersaucer and jumperoo which gave me a small block of time to get things done. He's now 18 months old and while he loves being with his momma  he loves running around playing on his own too.
Don't listen to MIL, she is absolutely wrong
Same here!
Oh and when I baby sat her DS just a few weeks ago he cried for 30 seconds when she and her DH left and then he was fine. While he knows me well he has never been with me without his mom before.
Tell MIL to suck it 
|
| Posted 10/19/11 5:23 PM |
| |
|
chrisnjoe8108
He's 1!
Member since 8/08 5649 total posts
Name:
Chris
|
Re: something that was said to me today...
Posted by MrsECullen7319
Im a firm believer that MILs should not be allowed to talk!!
Honestly he is too young. Don't feel bad. I am in the same boat as you trust me
|
| Posted 10/19/11 5:30 PM |
| |
|
babylove0804
LIF Infant
Member since 12/10 61 total posts
Name:
|
Re: something that was said to me today...
uggg, MIL's are the worst! They must take a course or something.
|
| Posted 10/19/11 6:41 PM |
| |
|
MrsRivera
2 under 2...whew!!
Member since 2/07 9876 total posts
Name:
Beth
|
Re: something that was said to me today...
Can I be honest? I see your MIL's point.
Obviously, I don't know your baby, I can only speak from experience. My DD was cradled, carried from place to place, rocked to sleep...you name it. I don't care what anyone says...when you get to a certain age, yes, you CAN spoil a baby. I'm not saying to let a young baby CIO...but it's ok to put a baby down on a play mat, in a pack-and-play to look at a mobile, etc.
I learned this out of necessity when my DS was born. Because I had an 18 month-old, I couldn't hold him all the time. The difference was night and day. Looking back, my DD was TOTALLY spoiled at 5 months old because she was used to being cuddled all the time.
SO, I can see where your MIL is coming from. A friend of mine currently has a baby that doesn't like to be put down, ever...so every time her mom has to pee, she screams her head off for about 2 minutes...or until she is picked up again.
|
| Posted 10/19/11 7:13 PM |
| |
|
mnmsoinlove
Mommy to 2 sweet girls!
Member since 3/09 8585 total posts
Name:
Melissa
|
Re: something that was said to me today...
You can't spoil an infant or make them difficult that is just a ridiculous idea. I would be extremely offended if my MIL said that. This is her grandbaby who cares if he is difficult she should soak up the time she gets to spend with your ds. I probably would not let her watch him for a while I would be too hurt by what she said. Keep on holding your baby you cannot spoil him, you're being a good mother creating a bond and trust.
|
| Posted 10/19/11 7:14 PM |
| |
|
| Pages: 1 [2] |
