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aliwnec10
mom of 3 boys
Member since 4/06 11426 total posts
Name:
Ali
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Bedtime issue with 4 year old who keeps coming out of room at bedtime. Help please
I'm at a loss as to what to do. My son is 4 (will be in 2 weeks) and bedtime has become a nightmare.
We did a sticker rewards chart a while ago and that worked. Now... not so much anymore.
The problem is once we put him to bed, he comes out of his room like 5-6 times. Stalling. Telling us his toe hurts. Saying goodnight. Saying he has to poop (when he never does). Saying he wants the fan on.
We have threatened. We have followed through. We have taken away his favorite stuffed animal. We have taken all the stuffed animals. His spiderman slippers. We even tonight put a gate on his door.
He has been FLIPPING out. Screaming. Kicking the door. Before i put the gate on, i would just walk him back to his room and put him in his bed and say this is not how you behave. Over and over.
At one point he hit me. And yes i spanked my child for that one (i'm not a big fan of spanking but that is NOT acceptable- please spare me if you disagree).
now he is sitting at his room, gated in with the door open screaming. Screaming. Hitting things. And we're just ignoring him.
We're at a loss as to what to do. He's always been such a well behaved child. We never went through the terrible 2's or 3's. I guess 4 is his age. 
We do have a 4 1/2 month old baby, but there has been no jealousy between them. No issues at all. We always set aside special time just for jacen. We get him involved and ask for help.
He also still naps for 2 1/2 hours a day. But even on sundays when we go to the beach and he skips his nap, he still fights bedtime when you'd think he'd pass out after running around with his friends all day!!!!!
HELP!!!!!!
Message edited 6/13/2012 8:43:56 PM.
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Posted 6/13/12 8:41 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Karen
Just chillin'!!
Member since 1/06 9690 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: Bedtime issue with 4 year old who keeps coming out of room at bedtime. Help please
At that age it's quite possible that the nap is interfering with his nighttime sleep schedule, or at the very least, he needs a later bedtime.
What time does he go to bed? Wake up? When is his nap?
DD is 4.5 and she took a 90 minute nap on the couch the other day and then was up until almost 10 that night 
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| Posted 6/13/12 8:45 PM |
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aliwnec10
mom of 3 boys
Member since 4/06 11426 total posts
Name:
Ali
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Re: Bedtime issue with 4 year old who keeps coming out of room at bedtime. Help please
Posted by Karen
At that age it's quite possible that the nap is interfering with his nighttime sleep schedule, or at the very least, he needs a later bedtime.
What time does he go to bed? Wake up? When is his nap?
DD is 4.5 and she took a 90 minute nap on the couch the other day and then was up until almost 10 that night
bedtime is 8pm. he wakes up at 6:30am. Nap from 1-3:30.
I could see if it was an hour nap or something, but if he's sleeping almost 3 hours a day... wouldn't you think he still needs his nap?
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| Posted 6/13/12 8:47 PM |
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Karen
Just chillin'!!
Member since 1/06 9690 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: Bedtime issue with 4 year old who keeps coming out of room at bedtime. Help please
Posted by aliwnec10
Posted by Karen
At that age it's quite possible that the nap is interfering with his nighttime sleep schedule, or at the very least, he needs a later bedtime.
What time does he go to bed? Wake up? When is his nap?
DD is 4.5 and she took a 90 minute nap on the couch the other day and then was up until almost 10 that night
bedtime is 8pm. he wakes up at 6:30am. Nap from 1-3:30.
I could see if it was an hour nap or something, but if he's sleeping almost 3 hours a day... wouldn't you think he still needs his nap?
Honestly, at that age, it's so hard to tell.
My 4.5 year old goes to bed 7-7:15, so you may want to play around with eliminating or shortening his nap, and making bedtime a smidge earlier to compensate for it.
You may have to try a few things to see what works best.
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| Posted 6/13/12 8:51 PM |
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maybesoon
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 5981 total posts
Name:
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Re: Bedtime issue with 4 year old who keeps coming out of room at bedtime. Help please
Do you read books to him at night? My ds will be 4 in a few months, and he gives me trouble when it's nap time. Today I told him if he doesn't nap, we won't read books before bed tonight and it worked!
My 2 yo has been getting up 10-12 times every nap and bedtime. I finally caved and out a gate on his door. Worked wonderfully.
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| Posted 6/13/12 8:53 PM |
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lvdolphins
My Loves!
Member since 5/05 46292 total posts
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Re: Bedtime issue with 4 year old who keeps coming out of room at bedtime. Help please
Maybe start weaning the naps.
For a few days, let him nap 1-3. Then do
1-2:30, etc.
I had to wean my DS off of his naps when he was about the same age due to his schedule starting Pre-k.
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| Posted 6/13/12 8:53 PM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: Bedtime issue with 4 year old who keeps coming out of room at bedtime. Help please
First of all HUGS.  We recently went through this with Luca, and still are to a small extent, but it's gotten better.
It took a few months but we were consistent and told him he could ONLY come out of his room to use the potty. Some nights he gets out 1x, some nights 2-3x. Always to pee a tiny bit  or sometimes poop.
We put the gate up once too and he kicked it down but we do occasionally threaten with it.
What works for him? Sternness and yelling. It sucks but if I am nice to him and sweet and patient it only makes him get out of bed more!
Also, I do tell him that if he stays in bed he can have xyz the next day - usually a food treat because he's got a big sweet tooth.
I think it's a phase. Plus they don't want to miss out on anything. You know, those huge crazy parties with cake and ice cream we throw as soon as they are in bed 
It sucks, and I am sorry I don't have better advice
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| Posted 6/13/12 8:58 PM |
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Re: Bedtime issue with 4 year old who keeps coming out of room at bedtime. Help please
Posted by aliwnec10
Posted by Karen
At that age it's quite possible that the nap is interfering with his nighttime sleep schedule, or at the very least, he needs a later bedtime.
What time does he go to bed? Wake up? When is his nap?
DD is 4.5 and she took a 90 minute nap on the couch the other day and then was up until almost 10 that night
bedtime is 8pm. he wakes up at 6:30am. Nap from 1-3:30.
I could see if it was an hour nap or something, but if he's sleeping almost 3 hours a day... wouldn't you think he still needs his nap?
Nap is too long. I would drop it if possible. If he is at daycare, I would have them wake him up after about 45 min-1 hr.
DS will be 4 in Sept and he is exactly the same way. I had a baby proofer come in and "secure" his room. We try our hardest not to let him out. He always has a hang nail, has to get a drink, go to the bathroom, etc.... He has a gate that is non removable, window crank is removed, closet doors have locks and furniture is bolted to the walls.
It is tough, but he will eventually stay put.
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| Posted 6/13/12 9:08 PM |
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Lillykat
going along for the ride...
Member since 5/05 16253 total posts
Name:
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Re: Bedtime issue with 4 year old who keeps coming out of room at bedtime. Help please
The is what my just turned 3 year old is doing. I don't want to gateher because whenshe screams she wakes up her sister. Can't drop naps because she doesn't nap. But she is complaining she is tired every morning still with 11-12 hours of sleep. I even tried waking her earlier. It is everything from I'm thirsty to I need medicine to I have to go potty again, etc. We tried rewards, my mom offered to let her sleep over if she stayed in bed for 2 weeks straight, etc. It is an issue 4-5 nights a week. Very frustrating. My almost 5 year old never did this. I generally ignore and refuse to retuck her but it is a pain b/c I can't have her waking her sister.
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| Posted 6/13/12 9:30 PM |
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MrsFlatbread
Skinny jeans are in my future
Member since 6/06 10258 total posts
Name:
Baby Momma
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Re: Bedtime issue with 4 year old who keeps coming out of room at bedtime. Help please
my almost 4 year old is still in his crib
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| Posted 6/13/12 10:34 PM |
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jdbaby
LIF Adolescent
Member since 4/11 660 total posts
Name:
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Re: Bedtime issue with 4 year old who keeps coming out of room at bedtime. Help please
I would mostly ignore and if you have to put him back in his room give one time command "it's time for bed" and then never again speak to him that night. He's trying to engage you.
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| Posted 6/13/12 11:18 PM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19458 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Bedtime issue with 4 year old who keeps coming out of room at bedtime. Help please
Posted by jdbaby
I would mostly ignore and if you have to put him back in his room give one time command "it's time for bed" and then never again speak to him that night. He's trying to engage you.
We had the exact same issue for DS. He never gave us the terrible 2/3 but right when he turned 4 he exhibited the type of behavior you are describing. Someone here gave similar advice and I followed it then. It worked great for us. We sat down with him during the day and spoke about things. If he has to go to the toilet, then it is fine to get us, but otherwise we put our hands on his shoulders and wordlessly direct him back to bed. He was trying to engage us to stay up later too. My son at almost 5 can still take a nap once in a while. He did not have a consistent nap at 3/4 but he would still nap a few days a week. Once he stopped napping it was much better for us. Even now if he has done a lot over a few days I can get a nap from him at almost 5 years old. Good luck!
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| Posted 6/14/12 9:10 AM |
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curliegirl
He's here!!!!
Member since 3/06 10128 total posts
Name:
Gina
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Re: Bedtime issue with 4 year old who keeps coming out of room at bedtime. Help please
My 4.5 year old does the same thing......he needs a drink, he has a "headache",, his bed is flat.......he tries everything.
I just tell him there is no more playtime and he is to get in bed NOW.......I think it's a phase....I HOPE it's a phase....we will see when he starts kindergarten in the fall and there are no more naps, I'm hoping this helps.
Also, the later sunlight hours are against you too, maybe try to darken the room?
I also noticed he naps very late....any way to start his nap at 12 and limit it to 2 hours? This should help.....
Good Luck!
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| Posted 6/14/12 12:17 PM |
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aliwnec10
mom of 3 boys
Member since 4/06 11426 total posts
Name:
Ali
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Re: Bedtime issue with 4 year old who keeps coming out of room at bedtime. Help please
Posted by LSP2005
Posted by jdbaby
I would mostly ignore and if you have to put him back in his room give one time command "it's time for bed" and then never again speak to him that night. He's trying to engage you.
We had the exact same issue for DS. He never gave us the terrible 2/3 but right when he turned 4 he exhibited the type of behavior you are describing. Someone here gave similar advice and I followed it then. It worked great for us. We sat down with him during the day and spoke about things. If he has to go to the toilet, then it is fine to get us, but otherwise we put our hands on his shoulders and wordlessly direct him back to bed. He was trying to engage us to stay up later too. My son at almost 5 can still take a nap once in a while. He did not have a consistent nap at 3/4 but he would still nap a few days a week. Once he stopped napping it was much better for us. Even now if he has done a lot over a few days I can get a nap from him at almost 5 years old. Good luck!
but did your son ever start hitting stuff? what do you do then? just ignore it?
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| Posted 6/14/12 12:19 PM |
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aliwnec10
mom of 3 boys
Member since 4/06 11426 total posts
Name:
Ali
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Re: Bedtime issue with 4 year old who keeps coming out of room at bedtime. Help please
Posted by curliegirl
My 4.5 year old does the same thing......he needs a drink, he has a "headache",, his bed is flat.......he tries everything.
I just tell him there is no more playtime and he is to get in bed NOW.......I think it's a phase....I HOPE it's a phase....we will see when he starts kindergarten in the fall and there are no more naps, I'm hoping this helps.
Also, the later sunlight hours are against you too, maybe try to darken the room?
I also noticed he naps very late....any way to start his nap at 12 and limit it to 2 hours? This should help.....
Good Luck!
we have the dark out shades in his room.
He used to nap at 12 but then as he got older, we were finding he wasn't going to sleep for a while so we changed it to 1 and then he started falling asleep within 10 minutes versus an hour and a half.
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| Posted 6/14/12 12:20 PM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19458 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Bedtime issue with 4 year old who keeps coming out of room at bedtime. Help please
Posted by aliwnec10
but did your son ever start hitting stuff? what do you do then? just ignore it?
We spoke about it during the day time when he was in a calm mood. We read the book hands are not for hitting. We talked about being frustrated and appropriate methods to express himself. We listened to him - he wanted to go to bed later. We explained our reasoning for having a bed time (tired the next day, lack of energy, and all the fun things he would miss out on the next day.) We also started to read more at night with him/DD. I read to them during the day but we also have special books (chapter books) for night time.
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| Posted 6/14/12 12:33 PM |
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jdbaby
LIF Adolescent
Member since 4/11 660 total posts
Name:
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Re: Bedtime issue with 4 year old who keeps coming out of room at bedtime. Help please
but did your son ever start hitting stuff? what do you do then? just ignore it? [/QUOTE
As long as he's not hurting himself badly or really destroying something I would ignore the hitting also.
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| Posted 6/14/12 12:54 PM |
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nickipa
love my boys!
Member since 4/06 5648 total posts
Name:
Nicki
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Re: Bedtime issue with 4 year old who keeps coming out of room at bedtime. Help please
Honestly I would try weaning from the nap. My oldest DS was a nightmare at bed time until we weaned him from his nap. He was still napping a decent amount of time as well. It was also right around his 4th birthday. Yes, he was very tired at night but we moved up his bedtime and he falls right asleep now.
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| Posted 6/14/12 1:27 PM |
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aliwnec10
mom of 3 boys
Member since 4/06 11426 total posts
Name:
Ali
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Re: Bedtime issue with 4 year old who keeps coming out of room at bedtime. Help please
Posted by nickipa
Honestly I would try weaning from the nap. My oldest DS was a nightmare at bed time until we weaned him from his nap. He was still napping a decent amount of time as well. It was also right around his 4th birthday. Yes, he was very tired at night but we moved up his bedtime and he falls right asleep now.
my only concern with that is i know he'll be ready for bed by 6:30pm and with it being summer and all (bday parties, bbq's, etc)... just not sure how realistic that is. Grrrr.
Plus with a baby at home, they do double naptime and that's when i get stuff done.
C R A P!!!!
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| Posted 6/14/12 1:41 PM |
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MaMaTeenie
Party of 5
Member since 4/08 6489 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: Bedtime issue with 4 year old who keeps coming out of room at bedtime. Help please
Posted by aliwnec10
Posted by Karen
At that age it's quite possible that the nap is interfering with his nighttime sleep schedule, or at the very least, he needs a later bedtime.
What time does he go to bed? Wake up? When is his nap?
DD is 4.5 and she took a 90 minute nap on the couch the other day and then was up until almost 10 that night
bedtime is 8pm. he wakes up at 6:30am. Nap from 1-3:30.
I could see if it was an hour nap or something, but if he's sleeping almost 3 hours a day... wouldn't you think he still needs his nap?
I stopped DS' naps around 3/3.5 because of this exact reason. The problem went away after that. It was worse for both of us with him getting up 82 times. I was out of patience for the day by that time. He will adjust to not napping.
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| Posted 6/14/12 3:17 PM |
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Karen
Just chillin'!!
Member since 1/06 9690 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: Bedtime issue with 4 year old who keeps coming out of room at bedtime. Help please
I wouldn't go right to ditching the nap entirely. Maybe try and shorten it a bit and see if that helps with the nighttime situation.
DD was 33 months when DS was born, so I know the heavenly joy of dual naps 
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| Posted 6/14/12 4:28 PM |
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nickipa
love my boys!
Member since 4/06 5648 total posts
Name:
Nicki
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Re: Bedtime issue with 4 year old who keeps coming out of room at bedtime. Help please
I hear you with the early bedtime! For the first few weeks we did a nap every few days (shortened) just bc he would be so tired at night. You can definitely try shortening the nap---it didn't work for me, but obviously every kid is different!
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| Posted 6/14/12 7:07 PM |
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aliwnec10
mom of 3 boys
Member since 4/06 11426 total posts
Name:
Ali
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Re: Bedtime issue with 4 year old who keeps coming out of room at bedtime. Help please
Okay well i tried the bribing route first.
We told him if he stayed in his bed and didn't come out, we'd give him a quater to put in his ice cream bag so that he could save money to buy ice cream from the ice cream truck that comes around.
I also told him if he came out, i'd take the flashlight away.
He came out. I took the flashlight away and warned him that if he came out again, i'd take puppy and put the gate back up.
He hasn't come out since so keep your fingers crossed.
if this doesn't work, i'll shorten his naps. I can't cut them out totally because i know he needs it.
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| Posted 6/14/12 8:33 PM |
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butterfly20
Party of 5 - 2015
Member since 4/06 7390 total posts
Name:
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Re: Bedtime issue with 4 year old who keeps coming out of room at bedtime. Help please
our son does that now, outside of that he's a mostly well mannered 3 year old...
Dh says he's craving attention and we just need to CIO
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| Posted 6/14/12 8:39 PM |
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