This is torture

I can't believe I am going through this again and this time is so different from the last. I feel like I'm sitting around waiting to cramp and bleed and praying it's not as painful and nightmareish as the last one. I still have sore boobs and some other symptoms that have yet to fade. Last time around once I started to bleed my symptoms seemed to disappear. Still having symptoms seems so cruel. So far I only have on and off dull aching in my lower back and the occasional twinge or pinch under my belly button. I would rather have a d&c but I have to wait until Monday to speak with my RE about this.

DH went to a family party today because I just couldn't handle the thought of sitting through the party especially when two cousins going are planning to announce their pregnancies today. The little sleep I got last night I dreamt of babies and baby things only to wake up to the reality of this. I know there are no answers and it's nothing I did wrong but it's still so hard to accept.
My grandmother called, who is like a mother to me, and not knowing what to say made me feel worse. She suggested I stop trying and just accept the one child that I have. She then starting blamming my DH saying that the women in our family don't have problems having children. I hung up on her because I couldn't believe my ears. Later on she called and apologized and hearing the sorrow in her voice I broke down and cried yet again.
I know the pain eases with time but I never got over my first m/c and I'm not sure how I'll get through this one with my sanity intact. I know this is the only place anyone understands.

Re: This is torture

i'm so sorry for your loss.

Re: This is torture

I am so sorry you are going through this now ... The conversation you had with your grandmother reminds me of one I had with mine, actually. When we had our first loss, my grandmother said, "Well, it's not the worst thing in the world". Ummm really?? Well yea there's wars, famine, disease.. but as far as THIS BABY was concerned.. the worst DID happen!!


Again .. I'm so sorry you're going through this ... With my last pregnancy, I specifically tried to avoid a d&c because of the problems I was already having with my uterine lining. Multiple doctors said another d&c would sabotage whatever was left. Like you, I remember sitting around waiting for something to happen. It was awful... FM anytime.. I know how much this stinks.

Re: This is torture

I'm sooo sorry for your loss

Re: This is torture

I'm sorry.