Woke up sad today...suicide

Pouring rain out this morning, which matches my mood.

I woke up with my heart feeling like it was aching.

I get like this every year.

Lost a childhood classmate to suicide. We were just kids then. He shot himself.

i wonder if im the only one besides his family that thinks of this daily. This is just one of the anniversaries that everyone has endured.

I'm so sad over it, and I can't help but wonder if he had the right idea. To bail out of life voluntarily. Ending pain permanently, and stopping all pain, and just being able to look down from below and take care of everyone else in his own way from above.

I've been to the dark side in those horrible moments of depression where there is no light and I don't think what he did was selfish. I think it was his only way out, and while it was sad for everyone to go through, we all go on. The pain over the years lessens for us so slowly, but his silent pain was immediately halted.

I wish I could go to his parents house, give them a hug and tell them some memories of us when we were kids, but I couldn't do that.

I'm going to plant a special perrenial for him in my yard, which is the smallest thing I could do in his memory.

Just a very sad day.

I feel for anyone who has been left behind to a suicide, or anyone who has taken his or her life..but I know that they are finally happy and whole again.

Re: Woke up sad today...suicide

i think that we all turn to a dark place from time to time when something so earth shattering happens in our lives..

BUT

you have to think about everything he leaves behind. i know that he was a child so likely he did not understand the consequences of his actions fully but how could a person take their life knowing they pain they leave behind.

that alone would be enough to keep me from EVER harming myself. can you imagine the look on your parents, childrens, siblings, friends faces when they get that news? it KILLS me to even think about.

we all have dark days but we need t gather the strength and courage to pick ourselves, dust ourselves off and make the best of whats around.


i hope tomorrow is better for you and everyone else who is down.

Message edited 6/14/2012 8:15:20 AM.

Re: Woke up sad today...suicide

Re: Woke up sad today...suicide

I'm so sorry. I think its wonderful that you remember and honor him. One of my classmates shot himself when I was in HS. It was June of "94 and I still think of him. To some extent,I feel like it was yesterday. We werent friends but we knew one another. When we lose some one so young or someone we knew when we were young, it can rock us to the core. It makes the world seem like such an ugly and unfair place to be.

Anyway I know for a fact that my classmate didnt have the right idea and I'm positive your didnt either. I feel confident saying that b/c I look at how much life I lived, the good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly. Its all a gift.

I held my brother's hand as he took his last breath at age 31. He died from brain cancer. He did not want to die but of course had no choice. I realized when he died what a gift it is to grow old. Maybe, and this is just my personal belief, your friend wasnt meant to grow old. Maybe my brother wasnt either. They were here to teach a few ppl in this world a few lessons and then it was time for their souls to go "home".
When I have my rough days, missing my brother and getting angry, sad and mad. I try and remember that and remind myself how lucky I am that I am one of the few ppl on this earth that learned those important lessons from my brother.

Re: Woke up sad today...suicide

I am so sorry. I had a childhood classmate die in a fire--not the same thing but for years I wondered who else thought of her as often as I did & who else felt like it impacted their lives in such a big way. Someone posted a picture of her on facebook less than 6 months ago. There was an outpouring of posts from classmates who think of her often. It even reconnected me with someone who moved away shortly after that & I would have assumed that with her new life she forgot. I wish for anything I could speak with her dad, the only family member who didn't die in the fire. He was not home. I asked when people were discussing it on facebook but no one knows where he is or if he is alive now. As hard as it is, remember it helped shape you into who you are and that the person did not want to hurt you by their suicide.

Message edited 7/24/2012 9:29:21 PM.

Re: Woke up sad today...suicide

i'm going through that right now. someone close to me tried to commit suicide but didn't succeed. its so hard to see someone you care about try to end their life. we could lend all the support to them BUT they need to want to help themselves. just take it one day at a time. if you're thinking about ending things PLEASE PLEASE go talk to a professional

Re: Woke up sad today...suicide

So sorry for your loss

Re: Woke up sad today...suicide

first of all, I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Why couldn't you go see his parents? I think it would be a nice gesture to show he's not forgotten. maybe send fruit basket and card if you know where they live.

I totally understand the way you're feeling...but the fact that his death still affects you to this day should give some insight into what he left behind. I tried to commit suicide as a teen. I drank rubbing alcohol with a bottle of tylenol. Looking back on it now...what seemed SO BAD back then...really wasn't such a big deal although it seemed earth shattering at the time. Had I succeeded I would never have met my husband or had my beautiful amazing son. I think about this from time to time...how I could have missed SO MUCH had I succeeded. There are people that love me just as there are people that cared for your friend...one of them being you and all these people are affected by the persons loss even though that person may not think so at the time.

It's a shame he was too young to see what could have come, I know in my teen years I couldn't see the bigger picture. There IS beauty in life...not always...but there is. Hold onto that and let it help you through. I love the idea of planting a tree in memory of him...it symbolizes new life and I think it's a wonderful way to pay tribute.

Message edited 11/9/2012 1:31:10 PM.