Pregnancy after multiple losses.. A vent.

Have any of you noticed that people's responses about your pregnancy have gotten odder and odder?

The other day I texted my acupuncturist to say I had to cancel my appt since I'm on bed rest, and that we lost one twin but other baby is doing well. His response: "Ok pal, keep me updated" It just seemed cold.

Then I was emailing with an old coworker and mentioned that I was pregnant (I'm not telling most non-LIF people but I don't care if she knows.. ) and she didn't even congratulate me! In my last email I told her we lost a twin and she didn't even say anything about it, just told me about her week!

Then I was reminded of my pregnancy last year. I was due August 4 and some family members planned to take a vacation on exactly that week. I said I was due then, and those family members were like .. "oh well lets see what happens before we cancel our trip" To be clear, one of those family members was my grandmother who I'm very close with. My side of the family is SO SMALL that I wanted my grandmother to be there. Maybe selfish.. whatever.. but it bothered me that the mindset was, "well lets wait and see if you even keep this pregnancy before we change our plans..."

I get that this is just being realistic. I get that after multiple losses, it's hard to put too much stock into any given chance. Maybe it's hormones, it just makes me feel bad. Any pregnancy whether it's the 5th after 4 failures, or the 1st, should be celebrated with hope.

Ok vent over.. back to Solitaire

Re: Pregnancy after multiple losses.. A vent.

Yup, I totally get this, as you might guess! DH told his boss yesterday because they want him to go away for work in a few months & with me being high risk, he doesnt want to go this year. He told his boss we are over 10 weeks... the boss' response?... "keep your fingers crossed! Obviously DH was annoyed and even he asked what is wrong w people.???

You know what I say? we'll show them!!! and I mean you in that we as well! People who havent walked in our shoes have NO clue how to deal with us, so they take the easy out of if I dont talk about it, it doesnt exist... They stink!

Re: Pregnancy after multiple losses.. A vent.

I have the same issue with a few people..but only one of them is family,
I have had a few complications in this pg and am on bedrest of some type for the duration of it and this family member says things like "well we will just see what happens" "Whatever is meant to be will be" the words may not seem bad but the tone is ripe with pessimism. It hurts a lot that this person is like this ..she has been in my life since I was 4 years old I just thought she would have been more supportive and/or encouraging. I try to concentrate on the positivity I do have around me and my faith helps a lot when dealing with it...try to tune the negative nellies out because as PP said they have no idea what we go through... to everyone

Pregnancy after multiple losses.. A vent.

Im so sorry Jackie... i had a hard time telling people because i always saw myself as "the girl who cried pregnancy"... I got a lot of comments like that too. But i think they fed off of my hesitancy also, or at least thats what i thought.

Re: Pregnancy after multiple losses.. A vent.

Pregnancy after multiple losses.. A vent.

I find people who "dont know the right things to say" say them becuase "they have no idea what to say"...

Dr.s sometimes seem cold bc they become immune to things after practicing for so long and try not to get emotionally invested (too much) in their patients...i dont think its anything personal.

Sometimes if people know your history they may be afraid to "react" to the good news...for fear that they are unsure how to read you and if its something to be exctied about or not...of course, announcing your pregnant one would think its exciting but from personal experience I was exceted for someone who was going through IF and when I expressed such excitment I got the "well, dont get excited yet, we still have a long way to go" so in essence she shot me down...god forbid anything did happen and she told me she was pregnant again, i would fear telling her that was exciting considering what happened this last time KWIM?

To answer your question though: yes, people seem to be more odd then they used to be...LOL

Hope you are hanging in there!!!! Ive been praying for you and thinking about you ---EVERYTHING will be fine...POSITVE POSITIVE POSITIVE!!!!! Baby A is always in my prayers too :)

Re: Pregnancy after multiple losses.. A vent.

Thanks Julie, that's a good point! I'm trying to remember now if I ever said that to someone who was excited for me ... "well we still have a long way to go, etc" Maybe I did and didn't notice.. Maybe *I* was the one who initiated the hesitation.. hmm..

Anyway with this pregnancy, we haven't told most people. Good think about LIF is I can feel like I'm flat out open about it without REALLY being flat out open I can't wait to see the shocked look on peoples faces if Gd willing I am able to come out with the news when I'm in the 2nd trimester. Anyone who doesn't know I'm pregnant doesn't even know we did IVF again.