pregnancy/motherhoor related - vent (long)

(please dont quote)
id just like to vent for a sec
my sister got engaged this weekend and i am so happy for her BUT this is what got me....
She was my maid of honor at my wedding last year, we have another sister so i thought that the 3rd sister would be her MOH and i'd be a bridesmaid right? WRONG.
shes not even having me in the wedding party. She said oh i called everyone and told them YOUR MY MOH< your my BM... and so on... and im like... well what about me? why didnt you ask me? and she said well bc you're going to have an 11 month old at the time of the wedding.
UMMM excuse me? but since when did having an 11 month old baby equal to some type of disability?
I dont know if Im being overly sensitive, since I am pregnant, but we were sitting at the dinner table and i just wanted to leave my moms house bc i felt like crying there. she said well i already have 9 bridesmaids , dont you think 10 would be too much?
Umm OK IM Your SISTER!!!!
And she said well who would look after the baby?????

MY HUSBAND! But then i just turned it around and said well you know Ill probably be preggo with DC#2 so dont worry about it.
I left my moms with my DH and I just started bawling. OMG i just feel like crying when I'm typing this.
I just feel like I'm loosing touch with everyone bc im the first one to be pregnant.
My sis also says how.... oh you're going to plan my whole wedding.
So I can plan your wedding being pregnant but I cant be your BM bc I'm going to have an 11 month old?
Does that make any sense?
& what hurts me the most is that im a BM this weekend for my cousins wedding and when she foudn out I was preggo she still begged me to be in her Bridal Party bc she couldnt imagine her day without my support.
I do get along with my sister and she is sooo excited about my pregnany and all - I just dont get it.
Even if she asked me, oh hey gab, i know you're going to have a baby but id still like you to be in my bridal party - do you think you can handle it?

Message edited 2/16/2009 12:56:55 PM.

Re: pregnancy/motherhoor related - vent

I would be very hurt if my sister didn't ask me to be in her BP when she was in mine.

I'm sorry...

Re: pregnancy/motherhoor related - vent (long)

I would be upset also! I'm sorry

Re: pregnancy/motherhoor related - vent (long)

I actually have no words - I am shocked by your sister and that is just terrible. You are still her sister - it doesn't matter if you were 8 months pregnant at her wedding. Your DC will be almost a year at that point....does she think that once you are a mother you stop living life?

I am so sorry that she's doing it to you - and I would really sit her down and explain how hurt you are!

Re: pregnancy/motherhoor related - vent (long)

Posted by Diana1215

I actually have no words - I am shocked by your sister and that is just terrible. You are still her sister - it doesn't matter if you were 8 months pregnant at her wedding. Your DC will be almost a year at that point....does she think that once you are a mother you stop living life?

I am so sorry that she's doing it to you - and I would really sit her down and explain how hurt you are!

Re: pregnancy/motherhoor related - vent (long)

Posted by gabbie83

Posted by Diana1215

I actually have no words - I am shocked by your sister and that is just terrible. You are still her sister - it doesn't matter if you were 8 months pregnant at her wedding. Your DC will be almost a year at that point....does she think that once you are a mother you stop living life?

I am so sorry that she's doing it to you - and I would really sit her down and explain how hurt you are!

I know I need to speak with her, I just need to get over this.
But after speakign to DH - even after I tell her how I feel, I no longer want to be in her BP even if she does ask me, bc I think its su*x that I have to ask her

Re: pregnancy/motherhoor related - vent (long)

Posted by Diana1215

Posted by gabbie83

Posted by Diana1215

I actually have no words - I am shocked by your sister and that is just terrible. You are still her sister - it doesn't matter if you were 8 months pregnant at her wedding. Your DC will be almost a year at that point....does she think that once you are a mother you stop living life?

I am so sorry that she's doing it to you - and I would really sit her down and explain how hurt you are!

I know I need to speak with her, I just need to get over this.
But after speakign to DH - even after I tell her how I feel, I no longer want to be in her BP even if she does ask me, bc I think its su*x that I have to ask her

How old is your sister? It sounds like she is very immature and really doesn't get that having a child doesn't end your life at all.

Re: pregnancy/motherhoor related - vent (long)

im 25 and shes 24
only a year younger than me

Re: pregnancy/motherhoor related - vent (long)

im guessing shes not going to be the godparent- if you baptise the baby...

id be reasonably upset about that. she should have asked you...9 vs 10 isnt a big difference..

eta.. when i got married my sis was my moh- she was 4 months pregnant- and her 2 yo dd was the flower girl- with her dh a groomsman

Message edited 2/16/2009 1:25:45 PM.

Re: pregnancy/motherhoor related - vent (long)

Posted by butterfly20

im guessing shes not going to be the godparent- if you baptise the baby...

id be reasonably upset about that. she should have asked you...9 vs 10 isnt a big difference..

Re: pregnancy/motherhoor related - vent (long)

she should have you in her wedding party because your her sister. you should of be the 1st not the 10th. i know if i had a sister i would of pick her.but i only have brothers.lol

Re: pregnancy/motherhoor related - vent (long)

I am so sorry your sister is doing this to you. Wedding planning can do strange things to people!

All I know is I was my sisters MOH when I was 4 months pregnant and my other sister was in her wedding party and she had two kids -a 2 year old and a 4mth old.

I would explain how I feel to her and I would be too hurt to be in her wedding party even if she decided to ask at this stage but I would let her know your feelings.

Re: pregnancy/motherhoor related - vent (long)

So sorry!
My DH and I were actually both members of his brother's bridal party. At the time or DS was 5 months old. We brought a babysitter to the wedding (my mom).

Re: pregnancy/motherhoor related - vent (long)

I don't care if you will have an 11 month old or an 11 day old! You should be in her bridal party. And I agree with a PP, you should be BM #1!!! I'd be extremely hurt and angry about this and I know me, I wouldn't get over it too easily. I can understand how you wouldn't even want to be in it anymore at this point -- because it would just seem like she is having you now to appease you. I know I wouldn't have her as my baby's Godmother -- not because of payback but because she obviously is not as close to you as you thought. And to be honest, I'd have trouble even attending the wedding at this point, after being so hurt.

What did you mother say about this?

Re: pregnancy/motherhoor related - vent (long)

I'm sorry. I would be upset too and agree that she should have left it up to you as to whether you wanted to be in the bridal party.

Re: pregnancy/motherhoor related - vent (long)

I think your sister is being ridiculous. When DS is 5 months old, DH and I are going to be in SIL's bridal party. When he's 11 months old, we're going to be in my brother's wedding. Both of our siblings want DS to be a part of the wedding too. I can't even imagine not asking a sibling to be in the wedding b/c she has a child. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Re: pregnancy/motherhoor related - vent (long)

Message edited 2/16/2009 2:24:40 PM.

Re: pregnancy/motherhoor related - vent (long)

I think that's very hurtful.

Re: pregnancy/motherhoor related - vent (long)

I'm so sorry... I would be upset too. What is she thinking?

Re: pregnancy/motherhoor related - vent (long)

Your sister is being absolutely horrible. My sisters wedding was 10/4 and I was due 9/25. When I told her I was pregnant, I told her it was fine if she wanted me to step down as MOH because I would have a hard time planning for everything at once, who knew if the baby would be late, etc... SHe would not hear of it at all and even offered to help me with MY MOH duties. You definately need to speak with her. Sorry you are going through this

Re: pregnancy/motherhoor related - vent (long)

Your sister is being very immature. Your mom is saying whatever she has to-to keep the peace.

I would not ruin your relationship with your sister over it, but I would let her know you are hurt.

She should include you in some way.

You should talk to her about her idea of the perfect bridal party. Maybe her idea is of constant partying and no responsibility and she thinks that you won't be able to participate.

25 is not old-heck I was a bridesmaid at 38!

Re: pregnancy/motherhoor related - vent (long)

Your feelings are totally valid. I would feel tremendously hurt by that. I'm so sorry.

Re: pregnancy/motherhoor related - vent (long)

Posted by TaraGotHutched

Your feelings are totally valid. I would feel tremendously hurt by that. I'm so sorry.

Re: pregnancy/motherhoor related - vent (long)

just wanted to thank you ladies for supporting my feelings

Re: pregnancy/motherhoor related - vent (long)

I'm sorry I would be upset too...even if she asked you, like you said, and added if you're okay with it, would have been the right thing to do....

I hope you can work it out




I don't understand why she thinks DH can't watch the baby or anyone else in the family....you're right, its a baby, its pregnancy, its not a disbility