UPDATE: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party.

Today is the party. I sat in tears for a little bit realizing that my children are being deprived and excluded from building bonds and memories with their many cousins. It's sad to me. I sent a letter to them again last night, as a way for me to close out this ordeal and attempt to move forward. Here is a copy of the letter:

Hi Guys,
I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to respond to your email. I've given it so much thought over the past week. I have to say that it is hurtful to me that after everything that has been discussed, my children are still the only ones excluded. If your decision was based on a straight forward fear of a vaccine preventable disease, then they would not be the only ones alienated. I know that there is no malice behind your decision, but I honestly feel that we have been unnecessarily discriminated against based solely on our philosophy. My children have been exposed to these diseases at the same exact rate that every single person at that party has been. They are no more a carrier than anyone else. The theoretical difference is, that my kids may not be able to fight it off whereas others may have some degree of immunity. But for a certain amount of time, anyone who is exposed can be carriers while the body is defending itself. It's hard for me be understanding about the exclusion of 2 family members when their absence does little to protect your newborn. She is still at risk for a vaccine preventable disease and for other illnesses, as she will be in the presence of undervaccinated children, adults without boosters and people who may be sick but not yet symptomatic. So, sadly, I will respect your wishes. I fully understand your need to do what you think is best for your baby. We would have loved to celebrate your mom's birthday with her and the family. I sincerely hope you all have a great time. And even more, I hope that we can work through this issue together in a way that we are all comfortable with.

My Husband immediately received a text message saying that I upset his wife again, a lot and to stop sending attacking emails. We are both just so hurt that our family could do this to us.

Anyway...just wanted to post an update since so many of you may be in this situation in the future...regardless of what side of the vaccination issue you are on.

Message edited 8/10/2013 5:21:09 PM.

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

I could be wrong but I believe all children vaccinated or not can be carriers for sicknesses.

I think this sounds pretty ridiculous.

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

I am sorry that you are offended, but I think the people who are having the party have a right to do what they did. As for you and your husband, blood titters would show whether you are vaccinated. You would likely wash your hands as well. They can't count on the fact that a young child would understand not to touch a young baby. My friend just had a newborn baby a week ago. DH and I went to visit and we left our children at home. Both of my kids are 100% up to date on vaccinations (and I spread them out over multiple visits and delayed the MMR) but FWIW I still would not risk bringing my kids around a new baby like that. The risk is just too great IMO. I feel badly that you are offended, but when you take a stand for something (vaccines/non-vaccines) you have to deal with the consequences of your actions or in this case inaction.

My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

That's awful!! And yes the above poster is correct, all children can be carriers..their vaccination status does not make a difference.

Unfortunately there's not much you can do. I would say encourage them to speak to their ped about it. I mean what else can you really do? I'm glad your brother stood up for you and your family!

My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

double post.

Message edited 8/5/2013 8:33:21 PM.

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

I would not feel comfortable with a 1.5 year old and a 3.5 year old who are unvaccinated around my newborn.

Your children might have fabulous immune systems, but the newborn likely does not.

Just as I am sure you want people to respect your decision to choose not to vaccinate, the newborns parents have a right to not want your children in close proximity to their newborn and you should respect that.

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

Well no 18 month old is fully vaccinated. She prob meant they are up to date on their immunizations.

As for her telling you to get a sitter, I wouldn't go at all. I can't say she is wrong, or right. Its her kids and thats just how she feels. Personally, if she is nervous about your kids being around her 2 month old, she she be nervous about any kids. And target shopping carts, and the germs her older kids may bring home from camp, school, playdates, etc.

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

I think she is being a little ridiculous.

I understand the concern. If this is her first child, especially, she may be a little weary and undereducated about vaccines...BUT, she can keep your kids away for this party, but she could be using a shopping cart that is exposed to all sorts of stuff, she could be waiting on line at the grocery store with a somehow infected child/person breathing all over her baby.

I'd be upset. I'm happy your brother is standing up for you.

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

I don't get it. Do the other vaccinated children invited have some secret common cold and foolproof flu vaccine? I'm no vaccine expert, but I doubt your kids are carriers for hep b or MMR. so silly. I bet the real reason is just to stick it to you about the tiff you guys had.

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

This is a tough one. I chose a slightly delayed schedule but am up to date at one year old. I had originally intended to delay mmr but my inlaws live in borough park Brooklyn which has had several measles outbreaks in recent years due to unvaccinated children. i ultimately decided to suck it up, held my breath and did it. So on the one hand I appreciate every parents right to make decisions about their kids health.

However I was just recently on the flip side. 5 days after my triplets first birthday I got a call the DH's friend's unvaccinated child, who was ALL OvER the babies, had chicken pox. And I admit I was frustrated and furious that because of another parents' decision about their kids' health, I could now have to deal with the hell of caring for three babies with chicken pox - like having triplets isn't hard enough. What calmed me down was that they are hearty healthy one year olds. If they were newborns, I would have bugged out.

So I kind of see both points. I hope that offered some perspective.

Eta- my ped does varivax at 13 mos, so my guys were scheduled to get it the following week.

Message edited 8/5/2013 9:34:44 PM.

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

Sorry... But your kids CAN be exposed and carriers of something that can kill or seriously injure the newborn.

I hope that they are not doing it out of malignancy, but only out of concern.

You've chosen not to immunize not due to malignancy either... But out of concern.

Like I wouldn't send my child to a preschool that doesn't mandate immunization, I wouldn't invite non immunized people to be around my newborn.

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

I think it is a double edged sword. Just as you feel strongly about not vaccinating your children, they feel the same about BEING vaccinated. I think if you chose to not vaccinate, which is certainly a personal decision, you are going to face others personal feelings on this as well. Just as you have the right to decide what is best for your children, they do as well.

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

This is crazy!

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

I would not want unvaccinated kids around my newborn either.

Nobody wants their kids to not be welcome some place, especially a family event, so I can see why you are hurt. However, this is the choice you have made for your children and the reaction of your family is just fall out of that choice.

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

*your

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Message edited 9/27/2013 9:27:51 PM.

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.

Re: My Unvaccinated Children Were Just Uninvited to a Family Party. Need Perspective.