Get ready to be outraged for me !!!!!!

OK so here a quick backround: I have known my mother-in-law since I was 14 yrs old.(she was my teacher in high school) She is a very difficult woman to get to know and she is notoriously
cold and short with people. I married her "baby boy" so I have found her to be judgmental and harsh at times.

That being said.......
DH and I went to dinner with my in-laws in the Hamptons. Everything was going well and I excused myself from the table to use the ladies room. As I walked back to the table I could hear my husband explaining that my surgery went well and I was on new medications. My mother-in-law then said and I quote " Well I don't understand, what exactly is wrong with her? Why can't she give you children?" Her tone was sooooo b*tchy and heartless.

I was shocked. She described me like a horse that should be sent to the glue factory. It may just be the most hurtful moment of my life. I have always struggled with the idea that I may be responsible for my husband to not have biological children and how unfair that is to him. Here it is, his mother is commenting on it and confirming my fears.

Thanks for letting me vent, I need you girls more than ever to help me feel "normal" and good about myself, this was a crushing blow to my self esteem.

Re: Get ready to be outraged for me !!!!!!

I feel so sad for you right now!!! Your MIL is a complete *****!!!!! What did your DH say? Please don't let her upset & discourage you.
Just remember what a cold & insensitive person she is!!

Re: Get ready to be outraged for me !!!!!!

I am duly outraged!

What an incredibly insensitive thing to say. But consider the source, right? You yourself said she is characteristically cold and abrupt.

Who she is has NOTHING to do with your value and self-worth. While it would be positive to have her support, you've got to recognize that you are a loving and worthy individual no matter what she or anyone else says. This is an extremely private matter between you and your HUSBAND.

I hope you and hubby talk and work it all out. Let him know how you feel and that you need his absolute 100% support.

Re: Get ready to be outraged for me !!!!!!

What did your husband say to that comment?
Maybe you need to tell her that she has hurt you very badly and that she had no right to say such a mean thing.
You are NORMAL!! You are also the women your husand loves...none of us are perfect and yet, our husbands love us. And we them.
He didn't marry you so you could be a breeder...he married you because he loves you. He wants a family with you and that can happen in many ways. Hugs to you.

Re: Get ready to be outraged for me !!!!!!

Thanks for the support. I originally wasn't going to tell my husband that I over heard the comment. He is often embarassed by her treatment of me and I didn't want to upset him( I returned to the table before he was able to answer her) I did reconsider and told him what I heard. He said he was sorry, that his mother didn't mean it, who cares what she thinks, blah blah blah. Despite his reassurance, I feel an intense pressure growing inside me to prove her wrong and everyone else who may think of me as infertile.

Re: Get ready to be outraged for me !!!!!!

Jill, I am so sorry! That is a horrible thing to say. And if she wants to have any relationship with your children, she better back off!!! Arghh! I am angry just hearing this.

My MIL is awesome but my FIL is another story and he has made comments (non IF topic) and although, I forgave him for DH's sake.....I will never forget what came out of his mouth.

Re: Get ready to be outraged for me !!!!!!

I am sorry.

sending you some hugs

My mil is a beyotch and look wise.. well she is scarier then a clown.

Re: Get ready to be outraged for me !!!!!!

WOW what a byotch!!! She should be the one sent to the 'glue factory' for not having a heart. I am so sorry that happened to you!

Re: Get ready to be outraged for me !!!!!!

I am so sorry for you - I would have been so upset myself. How can someone talk about another person like that?! The idiocy of some people never ceases to amaze me.
Please don't feel as though you are unworthy. Your husband loves you and together you will find a way to have a loving family. Then you can keep her away from her grandchildren

Re: Get ready to be outraged for me !!!!!!

Ughhhhhhhhh that makes me so mad... I swear to god people are so heartless sometimes!!!

And you shouldn't be so hard on yourself... Don't let her get the best of you...

we are all praying for you...

Re: Get ready to be outraged for me !!!!!!

Jill Thats just awful. I will never understand the way some people can talk and treat others with disrespect and coldness just because they can. Its hurtful and ignorant. And Im sorry you had to hear that.

Re: Get ready to be outraged for me !!!!!!

Omg! How disrespectful!!

Re: Get ready to be outraged for me !!!!!!

Oh, where do I begin????

I think it's very important that your DH stand up for you. I'm not one who likes confrontation either but someone as wacko as your MIL should not be allowed to spew comments like that.

Please talk to DH and try to convey to him that, even though that is how she is, her being that way doesn't make the hurt any less. He must stand up for you... he plays on your team, not hers. I'm sorry but what she said was completely uncalled for and abusive. She equated your ability to breed to that of an animal's Only he can say these things to his mother. Does she talk to her husband like that? Poor guy.

And she is a teacher

Re: Get ready to be outraged for me !!!!!!

"Giving him children"- like you have some sort of control over this AT ALL???? Like this is the dark ages and your soul purpose to your DH is PRODUCING CHILDREN???!!!!!!!!

What an absolute witch and moron of a person. The question should not be what is wrong with YOU, but what is wrong with her. I have heard my MIL make some really mean remarks to me, but that one takes the cake.

I really think your DH needs to stand up for you the next time. I go through this argument with DH all the time and how he doesn't want to get in the middle. So now I just confront her myself. But either way this inconsiderate cow needs to get the message that you are not some brood mare sitting around waiting to produce children. How dare she! She really has no idea the struggles you have been through.

I am so angry for you I could scream!

Re: Get ready to be outraged for me !!!!!!

Jill I can't believe she said that. She definately seems like a cold person. Your jaw must have dropped to the floor! Did your DH say anything to her to stick up for you??
How is your recovery from surgery going?

Re: Get ready to be outraged for me !!!!!!

Sounds like she needs a swift kick in the a**! We had MAJOR MIL problems (not related to fertility) and she didn't speak to us for a year. It hurt, but really made our marriage stronger when we were able to tell them how we felt. Really shocked her too when we stood up for ourselves. Now she is kissing our a**.

Your DH really needs to say something. We have a rule now - anything DH would have previously "discussed' with them w/out me and vice versa, we have to discuss with them when we are both there.