When should I be concerned?? Shyness or possible social problem

My DS is 2.5 and has always been very shy and a little stubborn. I have noticed that on playdates and at parties and in classes I need to push him a bit to participate and interact. This past fall when he was almost 2 I put him into a nursery school program three mornings a week. He is verbally advanced and very bright according to his teachers.

Last week his teacher mentioned to me that he is still not really interacting or playing with the other kids in his class. He will play near them and watch them, but doesn't really interact with them. She also mentioned he doesn't really participate in songs or dancing, plays mostly by himself on the playground, and sometimes doesn't show emotion when they are all laughing at something funny. He does talk to his teachers.

My DS is very social at home with my DH and me, with his nanny and with family members. He is social with adults and with kids who are older. He plays with his cousins for hours. He can take a while to warm up to non family members. I plan to mention this to the pediatrician next week at his well check, but I was wondering if anyone here can share personal experiences. TIA.

Re: When should I be concerned?? Shyness or possible social problem

2 is young to be outwardly social (unless they have another sibling). They still play in parallel at this age.

I'd give it some time... even at 3, many kids play by themselves... We have relatives whose kid who is 3 is still really withdrawn from other kids (but will interact with adults or much older kids).

At 4, DS started REALLY playing with other kids (wanting & instigating to play)... now, he is the most outgoing kid on the block (by a far margin). DD started to play with others a bit earlier (but she is child #2).

I wouldn't worry if I were you!

Re: When should I be concerned?? Shyness or possible social problem

That age is still mostly side-by-side play. The teacher should know that more than anyone!

It sounds like he is just a little shy with people he doesn't know that well -- seems more comfortable with the teachers, maybe it's a more comfortable with adults thing -- being that he talks to your family, the nanny, the teachers, etc.

My nephew really didn't have a lot of use or interest for kids his age, was more into adults. He was very bright and mature as a child - still is!

Anyway, I wouldn't worry about it - he is verbal, he is bright, but some kids are a little shy and some kids - especially the bright ones, from what I have seen, like to be the quiet observer and take things in... I used to care, full-time, for a little boy and your description of your son (the little boy I cared for was his age when I watched him) sounds just like him. I had to coax him into things and he preferred to observe a lot. Taking it all in.

Now, he is six and unbelievably bright -- and more social as he got older.

Re: When should I be concerned?? Shyness or possible social problem

This is almost identical to my daughter, who is the same age. I think it's young to have interactive play. As he feels more and more comfortable, he should participate more. My DD is starting to do that more now.

When should I be concerned?? Shyness or possible social problem

My older DS was the same way at that age and somewhere around 3 - 3 1/2 came out of it. He's now almost 5 1/2 and is quite outgoing and has a few different groups of friends.

ETA - My younger DS is the same way in some situations but, he has a two good friends that he's always played with - and has since he's been 2 (which isn't the norm). He also warms up quickly to other children he doesn't know (not to adults).

Message edited 5/5/2015 8:05:37 AM.

Re: When should I be concerned?? Shyness or possible social problem

Thanks everyone. I feel better reading your responses. He is the youngest in his class (the others are almost 3) and he's also the only kid in the class who doesn't have an older sibling, so in wondering if she's comparing him to the others who seem socially advanced. At what point do you start to worry? Is it age 3? I just feel so sad for him when I know how outgoing he can be, but he just seems to clam up in certain social settings :(. He does like school though and talks about the other kids, and tells me he wants to go to school, and I sometimes have to coax him to come out of the classroom at pickup.

Re: When should I be concerned?? Shyness or possible social problem

Do you have any other concerns? My almost 4 year old is very shy, and when I just had him evaluated for speech, he received both speech and SEIT in his classroom next year 2x per week for an hour to help facilitate interactions between himself and the other kids.

Re: When should I be concerned?? Shyness or possible social problem

My son was exactly like this. It wasn't until he was in school full time at age 4 that he finally came out of his shell. Even now, at 6.5, he isn't big on participating in singing/dancing but loves gym and outdoor play. I think your DC is fine!

Re: When should I be concerned?? Shyness or possible social problem

Thanks everyone. I was watching his class at school today and most of them aren't interacting much. My DS did seem interested in going up to the kids to see what they were doing but when a child approaches my DS he basically ignores them. Made me kinda sad.