First trimester anxiety

Just venting. I hate the first tri so much. It's just so stressful not knowing what's going on in there. We saw the hb last week so I know that's a good sign, but my next appt isn't until early Jan and I'm so worried something will happen and I won't know about it. I plan on telling family on Christmas but now I'm freaked out that we'll reveal and then have to give bad news 2 weeks later.

Ugh, any tips for staying calm during this time?

First trimester anxiety

i feel the same way- you just have to stay positive and hope for the best. nothing in life is guaranteed, so we just have to try to remain calm and go with it :)

If christmas comes around and you feel like the timing isn't right, then don't announce it. You need to do what's comfortable for you. The way I see it, i would tell my family regardless of what happens, because i would need their support if (god forbid) something went wrong. Makes me feel more comfortable about telling them.

Re: First trimester anxiety

honestly, I wouldn't announce until after first trimester is over. When I hear family or friends announce their pregnancies before 12wks I always have that inward cringe of fear only because I've had numerous early losses myself and have also had people in my life have to take back an announcement later. Ugh. I'm with you - first trimester SUCKS!!! You go so long between visits, you're not feeling baby move yet, it's an unstable time, and you can't even talk to people about it because nobody knows yet. With this pregnancy I just had to not think about it. It was so hard!! Finally the time passed and I felt so much better to celebrate the pregnancy, but still remember how freaked out announcing it made me. Even after I began my second trimester, I was still so afraid. But in the end all was well and now I'm due in 7 days. I'm sure it'll be the same for you!! Hearing a HB is a VERY good indicator of a healthy pregnancy. I know not everybody has the same experience, but for me I never heard a HB with any of my miscarriages. So, hang in there. You'll get past this time soon enough.

Re: First trimester anxiety

Count down the days. Every point of the week that you advance in the pregnancy, celebrate! Even if it's just privately. I did that and it helped make the first trimester go by quickly. I understand that anxiety. I worried my entire pregnancy.

I announced to my family at 5 weeks! Why not? It's immediate family and God forbid something happened, I would have wanted their support.

Message edited 12/7/2015 9:46:26 PM.

Re: First trimester anxiety

I think we are due around the same time, and I am struggling with announcing at Christmas too. I have my first appointment this Wednesday.

I had a missed MC at 8 weeks. It was horrible. I had just announced to my family at 8 weeks, and literally two days later, we found out the bad news. The thing is, it was terrible, but I would tell my family if the worst happened again. So I am going to tell them, assuming we get good news on Wednesday.

Despite that, I have been staying pretty calm by telling myself it is what it is. There's nothing to do but try to be the most relaxed and healthy you can be right now. But you are not alone with feeling this way!

Re: First trimester anxiety

I'd ask to go in for a sono in between now and your next scheduled one to help ease your anxiety. Hopefully your practice would accommodate that if you ask.

I can totally relate to the first trimester uneasiness. It took me a very long time to feel at ease with my pregnancy with my ds.

Re: First trimester anxiety

It's tough, but all you can do is trust your body to do it's thing and keep busy to keep your mind off of it. At least you have the holiday season to distract you!

We told our immediate families after the first appointment (7w3d), but didn't tell anyone else until after the NT scan at 12 weeks. We just wanted to make sure everything was okay before getting everyone excited.

Re: First trimester anxiety

aw i totally feel you. we had a loss 1 day after we told everyone. i was terrified the next time to let anyone know.

but we did. telling everyone was not the reason anything happened. telling everyone helped me get through my first loss. telling everyone allows you to celebrate the fact that you are pregnant.

it's definitely a rough time.. but i really just clung to the fact that it was out of my hands and that what was meant to be would be.

it was a long time before i felt comfortable that things were ok..once i started feeling her all the time i was better. but try try try...yes the key word is try to stay positive and happy and hopeful.

First trimester anxiety

Do not tell until you are 110% comfortable with people knowing. We told parents at 13 weeks and other family and friends at 20 weeks. I would have waited longer if I could have. We still have extended family/friends who don't know.

The anxiety is brutal. I'm 38 weeks and as anxious as the day I peed on the stick. Yes, you should try to stay positive but it can be impossible and you're not alone if you can't stop worrying. Lots of hugs to you!!!

Re: First trimester anxiety

I must be a minority in how I felt about my losses. I always hear people saying that same thing - that should something happen (God forbid) they would want their family and/or friend's support. After my first loss (it happened just days after announcing to my immediate family), I really didn't want to talk about it. Their support and love didn't bring back my baby. In fact it hurt me more because the question of "Are you even sure you were pregnant" absolutely killed me. They weren't trying to be offensive, but it offended me nonetheless because it was downplaying all of my pain and it felt as though it was almost dismissing the child that I DID lose. After that I learned not to tell anybody until I was sure. When I got pregnant with DD I didn't announce until week 13 or 14 and even then my family was cautious "How far along are you?" and then would breathe a sigh of relief when I'd tell them. (my losses all happened very early). I think after a loss it's even harder to announce because people who know of your history are more wary to celebrate, especially if you're still in a 'danger zone'. So I don't know. Not that anything would go wrong, but I'm just saying that you may think you'd want support, but in the end it may not be the best thing. With this pregnancy I only told my mom early on because she's the only one I did need to encourage and love and pray with me. Not another soul knew until I was comfortable with the progress and health of the baby. People's condolences never helped me. I didn't need a pat on the back or a hug, I needed back what I felt was robbed from me. So whether it's an announcement to immediate family, extended aunts & uncles, all of facebook, or just your mother - make sure you are truly comfortable with it before you do. It's so hard to make an announcement and then feel anxiety afterwards.

But other than that, I definitely agree with PP who said to mentally acknowledge significant days each week. I did that with this one. Every Tuesday I'd reach a new week and I would silently celebrate each stepping stone closer to 2nd tri. It helped me a LOT in passing that stressful time. I still even do that as I'm counting down to baby's birth. Every Tuesday I'm that much closer to holding him in my arms. Today is my last Tuesday until due date! It's surreal!

Re: First trimester anxiety

Don't get me wrong- I definitely did not want to talk with my extended family about my loss! I took no calls, and I did not respond to any of their emails. My mother told them what happened and that I did not wish to talk.

But I am glad they understood what was going on with me and what I was going through. They have said some comforting things in the months since, and some very unhelpful things. They may not always say the right things, but they are my family.

I just don't agree with the idea that we need to be embarrassed or ashamed for our MCs so we should keep it a secret. As if we did something wrong. That's BS.

This is just how I feel. Everyone has to do what feels right for them.

Re: First trimester anxiety

Re: First trimester anxiety

Posted by Garden-of-Eden

Posted by Chai77

I just don't agree with the idea that we need to be embarrassed or ashamed for our MCs so we should keep it a secret. As if we did something wrong. That's BS.

I actually don't know anybody who ever felt embarrassed or ashamed of their miscarriages. And unfortunately, I do know a lot of people who experienced losses. I feel very sad for anybody who does feel that way. Unless you're a hardcore druggy or doing very unsafe things to yourself while pregnant, miscarriages are never a mother's fault.

Re: First trimester anxiety

Thanks girls. It makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one. I'm trying my best to relax. I'm hoping to talk to my dr this week about the early blood tests since they weren't offered to me yet, so hopefully I'll get another appt in before Christmas. I also realized that last time around with DS2 I also did a reveal before the nt scan. I was 11 weeks at that point, but I still hadn't had an appt between 8 weeks and the reveal.