Did I do the right thing?

It will be a long, so please bear with me..this has been gnawing at me for the past couple of days and I need an unbiased opinion.

My 4 DD has been going to preschool since 2 years old, and not soon after she became friends with a girl (S) about 8 months older than her. They are tight, and they used to have their usual toddler spats which I brushed off, and told my girl its ok, and sometimes things happen and tell the teacher - to get her a bit more independent.

Fast forward to now, they have been friends, they have grown and so S's personality. She's quite rude not only to children but also to her mom but that's none of my business. On many occasions she has been quite rough with my DD (pulling things from her hand, pushing her, and excluding her and stuff) but soon her mom gets involved if we are out and about, S snaps back and becomes BFF with my DD. My DD has also expressed frustration, and sometimes is sad that S behaved rudely when she is home. I spoke to the teacher, and they fantastic job maintaining the peace, keeping them apart.

A few weeks ago, S's grandmother passed away, and her family had a lot of obligations, and we used to pick up S after school so her family could take care of things and not interrupt her schedule, and keep things normal in her life. So I think it is fair to say that we feel comfortable with each other to point where we can let our children go over to each other's place without hesitation.

Last Friday, I was home and I took my DD to the park, and noticed S acting up big time with my DD. She tried everything to be friends, and finally left her and the friends they were playing with to play by herself, and S came there to annoy her. I told my DD to tell her mom, and she did, and S's mom got involved and dissolved the situation. S's mom is quite soft spoken, and is level headed, and we have known each other for the past two years because of out DDs.

Now to the issue.. I had to give a little background to see if my actions were justified.

This past Tuesday, my babysitter took DD to the park after school and the neighborhood children and their nannies and mom all hang out. S was there and so was some their friends from school. Within minutes, according to my nanny S forbade like 3 other children from playing with DD, and another kid had a toy which S kept hiding from my DD and told her to go away. My DD was in tears, and my nanny left the park immediately. S's mom was with her baby sister talking to another mom and completely missed everything that happened. Another mutual friend of mine, and school friend's mom was there and intervened on my DD's behalf and S just brushed her off. All this happened while I was at work, and I get an email from a co-worker that her nanny saw my DD hysterical because someone was misbehaving with her and taunting her.

I came home, my DD seemed upset so I asked both of them what happened, and she told me what had happened, and how S's mom was MIA. I upset and I spoke to my DD and she told me that S has been picking on her in school and when she told the teacher, S came and said it was an accident. When they walked away, S tells my DD "see they won't believe you, if I say it was an accident" and she was quite hurt. I had planned on speaking to the teacher the next morning when the friend who intervened for my DD called me. She was waiting for me to get home, and basically saw the whole thing unfold, and was extremely saddened by it.

I spoke to DH and he said that since I have a good relationship with S's mom, to call her and tell her what happened. I did and was apologetic and said that she will work on S's behavior and to tell my DD that there will be a new "S" in school. The next morning, I spoke to the teacher, and the she validated my concern about "S" being particularly tough with certain children, and they had planned on talking to S' mom in a few days.

Since I spoke to S's mom she has been just been cordial, she doesn't talk to us and even try to keep a basic conversation. My DD is happy, and apparently, "S"has been a little better in school with the other kids, and she avoids "S" completely. My heart says I did the right thing, but I don't know if I crossed the limit in calling up S's mom to tell her about S's behavior.

If you read through it, thank you so much. I have tried to type this up a couple of times but I didn't post it but I think I need to hear if my mamma bear instincts went too far.

Did I do the right thing?

I read the whole thing. I'm saddened for your dd. My dd is also very sweet and she already has a "friend" I try to limit her interactions with. She throws tantrums, pushes dd, etc. her mom is always asking us for play dates and I brush it off.

I think you did the right thing. I would limit interactions with S for sure. Her mom has to keep a better eye on her especially if she knows she is already problematic. I'm glad you have the teachers in the same page as well. Ugh. Girls. And it only gets worse...

Did I do the right thing?

You didn't do anything wrong. S's mom may just be embarrassed and/or at a loss as to what to do with her. If I were you, I'd limit contact with S as much as possible, as she just doesn't seem like a very good friend (to say the least). In the meantime, use these interactions as a learning experience for your DD - how to stand up for herself, etc.
Sorry you are dealing with this!!

Did I do the right thing?

No need to question yourself. I read the whole thing and you did right by your daughter. Not everyone can be a life long friend and that ok. Your daughter is better off distancing herself from S.

Did I do the right thing?

There comes a point when little childhood differences/ fights/ and taunts cross the line and move into bullying. This is a clear case of bullying. You gave it time, gave advice to your daughter etc but now it's bullying. I would have intervened too and you did nothing wrong. You tried other things before calling up her mom. And apparently mom knows "s" behavior since she has intervened in the past. Some parents take the "not my kid" approach and can't handle the truth. Probably why she's avoiding you.

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Yes, you absolutely did the right thing. I think S's Mother is frustrated with her daughters actions and is maybe a bit embarrassed.

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You 100% did the right thing. Never doubt your mama instincts. You have to look out for your little girl.
My DD is starting school in September and I am dreading situations like this.

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Did I do the right thing?

Thank you everyone! I'm glad I asked, because I was on edge because I have the reputation of being straight forward and too blunt.

Re: Did I do the right thing?

I think so - especially with girls. Girls can just be evil to each other!

It's not like you didn't know this woman at all and called her up to rip her kid apart. You know each other, you have a relationship - She's probably being stand off-ish b/c she's embarrassed.

As long as your daughter is happy, it's probably best for her to have limited contact with the other girl and make different friends.

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Thank you everyone for validating my actions. I saw S's mom as I was walking to the subway, and she crossed the street to avoid me. I was just so shocked.. like eyes popping out shocked. I really did not expect this behavior from her, one bit.. I expected to her to act a bit more civil or mature about this. I felt like I was back in high school.. ugh!

Did I do the right thing?

If i was in S' mom situation, I would want you to come to me too! If I my DD acts up, I would want to know. Especially from someone with whom i have a relationship with and a history with (it sounds like you do) This is so much better and open than hearing it from school! I applaud you for doing the right thing and keeping communication open.

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I sometimes fear being in this situation, but from the other end. DD is 5 years old and a very strong girl. Not naughty at all, but tough. Other kids don't mess with her. She has a BFF that she just loves and as far as I can see, she's very good with her. But I have also seen her get very bossy once in a while to other kids. I've talked to her a lot about what being a "bully" is and why it's not okay, etc. I think if she was behaving poorly to anybody (especially her BFF) I would want to know. I would want to be able to address the problem personally with my child (rather than anybody else having to step in before me). So I think that you did the right thing in talking to the parent directly rather than just going to the teachers and not saying anything to her about it. However, this kind of response from S's mom makes sense. I don't really blame her for kind of stepping back from that friendship. I don't think it means she doesn't like you, but sometimes things change and so do relationships. It sounds like you were only friends through your kids, so if the children are no longer playmates, then you two will just become acquaintances too, ya know? I wouldn't feel a need to hang onto a friendship with a mom that my kid no longer has a relationship with. Not unless we were friends before having kids, then that's a different situation. So all that to say - you did the right thing, but try not to take it personally that you and S's mom are just cordial now.

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Did I do the right thing?

You did the good parenting thing. Too many parents are afraid to confront issues but I fully believe it takes a village to raise children. Sounds like S is a bully and something needs to be done now while they are young so it doesn't get out of hand.