Middle school parents

Is it me or does it seem like there are so many more teachers and school staff in middle school with major attitudes compared to elementary school? I get that their jobs are difficult (we are in an overcrowded top performing school in NYC) but the tone of some of the female teachers is awful! I know they cant baby the kids anymore and don't expect the tone of a 1st grade teacher but they are bad role models for the kids and its a poor customer/family experience.

Its not anything specific its really just their rolling eyes, "ugh" attitude. They just arent nice !

I think DD always feels on the defense because they are quick to accuse too. Should good students be made to feel afraid and like they cant talk to school staff because they always seem annoyed?

What can I do? Im talking about an assistant principal and guidance counselor as well as classroom teachers

Maybe i have a high standard of professionalism?

Message edited 3/11/2017 7:14:40 AM.

Middle school parents

I feel like you are talking about my district!
BTW I'm not new I forgot my username and it says invalid when I try to recreate.

Anyway, in my district there is 2 top performing "gifted" middle schools. One has been around forever and the 2nd in only a few years old. The new program was created in a school with a low registration and not such a good reputation in an effort to improve the overall school.

Half of the students in my son's class were placed in the old school and half in the "new" program. In the old school the teachers and staff are just as you described! They have a you need us attitude. Parents are afraid to complain and students are constantly being told they should be happy they are there.
Well it does not have to or should be this way.
My son was placed in the "new" program and the school staff is amazing. They are supportive, easy to talk to and try very hard to help the kids succeed. They love their jobs and it shows. I'm a teacher myself so I can tell if it's just "fluff".
The bottom line is the other school like yours gets away with because people are afraid to complain . You should go straight to the superintendent with an email detailing your concerns. You should not feel that way. Parent communication should be their first priority.

Middle school parents

And make sure you fill out the survey.

Re: Middle school parents

I'm a Middle School teacher. It's important that the students know that they're not in elementary school anymore, as we are preparing them for high school...and they need to start to be more independent and responsible. It's actually my main goal in my teaching. So, no, we're not as warm and comforting as elementary school teachers might be.

I would recommend speaking to the teachers first to see if there is a problem - I never advise going above a teacher's head before speaking with them.

And I know you're not speaking about me when you say "Middle School Teachers"...but I'd suggest against over-generalizing in the future because it does sting a bit to see the entire group of MS professionals lumped together. Perhaps it's just your school....and you can talk to some of the parents there instead of this website where people are from all over.

Re: Middle school parents

We are in a top district in NJ and this is a common refrain about the middle school here. It is directed by the Principal of the school. Either you are gifted, and all is well, require services, again all is well, or you are in the middle and that seems to be where the problems arise.

Middle school parents

Yes, I experienced this when my son was in middle school. There were a lot of downright nasty teachers in the middle school. The high school, they are pretty much all great though!

Message edited 3/11/2017 10:46:53 AM.

Middle school parents

It's one thing to not baby MS students, but it's another not to act professionally and demonstrate and be a role model for respect. I'd probably just have a conversation with my kid about it. Like even though ms. So and so eye rolls, brushes people off, we don't ever act like that. And then suggest some ways she may want to approach the teacher to get the best out of her. It's just a life lesson, our kids will deal with a lot worse than eye rolling teachers in their lives, Id just try to help her navigate the challenge rather than complain to district and try to change the teachers attitude, which is highly unlikely especially if they are tenured.

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I think its part of life. Children will grow up and run into all sorts of personalities in life and need to learn how to deal with them and build the confidence to speak up for themselves, even if they feel intimidated.

Im in the "thats life" camp and would not go to the teacher or the district about it and instead speak to my child about how to handle difficult personalities while remaining respectful.

MY general rule of thumb is not my classroom, not my place to tell them how to be. As long as they are not harming my child......I stay out of it.

For instance, I HATE my sons teacher this year. He is a pompous, arrogant @sshole and I cannot stand the man. He runs his class like he is a drill a sergeant in the military. My son has come home and told me about things he thinks are unfair in his classroom and I have agreed with him. HOwever, I have said to him....it is his class, his rules and you have to do as he asks in his class. I could have called and complained, bc honestly, somethings I did disagree with. However, none of them were harmful to my child and so, his classroom and not my place to tell him how to run it. Thats life and lifes not always pleasant and fair.

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IMO it has to do with the kids and their attitudes at that age. I think MS kids are generally worse than HS age. The teachers probably feel the need to be assertive with them to set the tone of who's in charge.

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I'm not the type of person to complain, but I noticed an attitude from one of DS's teacher on his first year of middle school. I agree with the fact that they need to be independent, they need to learn how to deal with different people since it is life; but this teacher was making the MS experience not enjoyable at all for DS. Constant yelling, holding the class longer when she knew the next class was important or before recess, constant detentions, etc. I know there are two parts of the story, but at any time, in any field, you need to be fair, nice, and respectful, and I felt this teacher wasn't doing it. I felt she was kind of abusing his power, to the point DS was even afraid to go and talk to her and was disliking that subject when he used to love it.

I'm sorry to hear you are getting that attitude from the assistant principal... In our case, we went and talk to ours. I talked to DS also for him to understand that in life you have to deal with different people and regardless you need to be respectful; but teachers, and more in MS, are role models and they need to be respectful with kids and parents.

I'd say talk to your DD and go from there, to see if you conversation needs to be only with your DD, or you need to talk to the teacher or someone else. I have to say also, that I wasn't the only one listening to DS complain. Multiple parents were talking about the same issue. And I'm all about discipline, but that's different than being mean with the kids. GL!

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Message edited 3/11/2017 9:53:36 PM.

Re: Middle school parents

School and home are supposed to be safe places. Sure "that's life", and they'll encounter plenty of that in their lives, but in an ideal world, school should be a place children can go to be treated respectfully and given the tools to treat others the same. Life is full of assholes, doesn't mean I'm going to treat my child like one so he's better equipped to handle the world.

Is there much you can do about it? Unfortunately probably not... but I'll never support children of any age encountering teachers with a a permanent attitude. I'll never think that's acceptable.

Middle school parents

There is absolutely no reason for a teacher to be giving children an attitude. I don't care if the child is the worst, meanest kid in the world, it is your job to teach them and to do it with respect. When you get home, feel free to complain and vent with your SO or friends but not while your in school. One of my daughter's aides (in elementary) would roll her eyes, huff and puff and say, too bad so sad, all the time to my daughter. While I sympathize that my DD is not the easiest child, you are the adult and act like it. I went up to school and had her barred from interacting with my DD. Not everyone can be a teacher, you have to have a certain passion and calling for it, so if you can't handle the kids then get a new job.

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This is interesting because I left middle school after 10 years of teaching and moved to high school because the expectations from parents that I mollycoddle kids all the time became so maddening that I didn't like who I was as a teacher any more. It wasn't like that when I started: everyone seemed to understand that MS was a transitional place in which the apron strings were being loosened, and my frustration levels were much lower. I actually loved middle school kids for most of my time there because they were fun and excited. Somewhere along the way the whining, entitlement, and rampant excuse-making backed by venomous parents became too much.

I feel like my old self again in high school, and because there is a mutual understanding 99% of the time that the "kids" are nearly adults and need to assume some responsibility for themselves, I am able to nurture and counsel kids on their choices the way I used to.

I'm also curious about what it looks like to treat the "worst, meanest kid...with respect." I bristle some at the idea of rallying around individual kids and treating them with kid gloves while they hurt and bully other students. I can remember a 7th grader I once had who routinely called his classmates "stupid" and "moron," most often targeting special education students in my inclusion class, and there was this expectation that we lovingly get to the root of his behavior while he terrorized other emotionally impressionable children and I just felt

Re: Middle school parents

Posted by bookworm


I'm also curious about what it looks like to treat the "worst, meanest kid...with respect." I bristle some at the idea of rallying around individual kids and treating them with kid gloves while they hurt and bully other students. I can remember a 7th grader I once had who routinely called his classmates "stupid" and "moron," most often targeting special education students in my inclusion class, and there was this expectation that we lovingly get to the root of his behavior while he terrorized other emotionally impressionable children and I just felt