How do you discipline your kids?

My granddaughter is 6 1/2 and lately has been really acting up. She has temper tantrums, screaminng, yelling, crying, getting angry. Not one particular thing will set her off, but just an example. Today was my b'day. We were there for cake and things were fine. My daughter wanted us to take a picture. Well she didn't want to. She is usually posing for pictures. My daughter kept asking, nicely and she kept saying no. Then she starts crying, yelling etc. telling my daughter it's her fault she's upset, shes making her cry etc. My daughter asked her to come to her room so they could talk, She refused and went under a table. Well, after asking several times, my daughte finally flipped and screamed at her. They went inside. Eventually she came out and apologized to each of us. But a little while later she took my daughters phone in the other room. My daughter told her she wanted the phone and she said 'i told you i don't want to talk to you!" My daughter then grabbed the phone away and she sat and my granddaughter sat & sulked. The point I'm getting at is what punishment is effective for this age? She has taken the phone away from her, sometimes for a few days, but it obviously hasn't had an effect. Anything else that she might try? My daughter is short tempered at times and we wonder if she is picking up what she does and thinks it's ok? Thanks for any suggestions. Most of the time she is a well behaved happy girl but when she gets like this it's like Jekyll and Hyde.

Thank you all for your responses! Yes, she could have been tired. It was getting late and we had all had a busy day. Also, she has a 2 yr. old sister and we wonder if some of her acting out is trying to get attention, although it's negative attention. She is also very well behaved almost all the time and most of these outbursts happen in the evening.

Message edited 7/14/2017 11:44:17 PM.

Re: How do you discipline your kids?

My kids do not have their own phones and they are older. Screen time is limited and earned here. So you have to do your chores to get access to the Internet and games for fun. With that said, I would have pulled dd aside when she said she did not want to take the photo in the first place. I would have taken some photos without her in them. I don't give in to temper tantrums and will say to my kids they need to take deep breaths until they can calm down and have a rational discussion with me. Was it late, did she have too much sugar, did she give a reason? What was happening immediately before the photos? I hope you had a happy birthday despite the outburst.

Edit, you and your daughter were really not giving your grand daughter a choice, you asked, and she said no. When you did not respect her decision, she lashed out the only way a six and a half your old knows how. Sometimes I don't feel like doing things and I am sure you don't always feel like doing things either. I think your grad daughter felt like her wishes were not being respected. Not that it would not be nice to have the photo, of course, it would. But I am betting she did not feel respected when asked and did not know how to tell you that.

Message edited 7/13/2017 11:36:07 PM.

How do you discipline your kids?

I could have written the same thing except my son is 5. He has the same behaviors at times, I try so hard not to scream but it's the only way to get him in line sometimes. I hate it and would love some pointers also. I can take away every single toy he likes, he doesn't care. Time outs don't work anymore.

How do you discipline your kids?

I still do time outs at times with my 5yo. She usually fights that but if I tell her she'll miss out on xyz (a party or playdate coming up) she'll finally sit and start to calm down. I think consistency is important, not giving in to bad behavior and teaching them that crying and screaming doesn't get you what you want. Dd isn't into tablets or phones but I usually threaten that she'll out on a fun outing which always gets her attention.

Also, like a pp said I wouldn't have forced the issue of the picture to begin with. Or if it was rally important I might have threatened that everyone would leave if she wasn't cooperating. I did think its important to both puck your battles and hear out your kids about their feelings. I try really hard to teach dd how to deal with her feelings with open conversations.

How do you discipline your kids?

My 5 year old son has similar behaviors as well.

I try to step back and think of what his reaction will be to things before I present them. If he didn't want to take a picture, I wouldn't have forced it because honestly - the picture would come out horrible anyway.

We use screen time as our major punishment - it's the one that seems to hit home the hardest. He was being a little pain back around his b-day and my husband also took away his party (he had to earn it back).

Re: How do you discipline your kids?

I will say, this is going to come off judgy, but a 6 1/2 year old has no business having a phone. It's being shone through studies that screen time on phones and Ipad, etc is having a negative affect on behavior.

Second, as a grandmother, it's not your place to disciple your granddaughter when her parents are present. You may want to talk with your daughter about what you expect from HER as a parent to HER daughter, your granddaughter. That is not to say that I don't believe you have the right to limits and expectations in your house but you should make sure you and your daughter, her mother, are in agreement or it's going to undermine both your authorities.

I think the real issue is your daughter and not your granddaughter. It seems she has no set boundaries or that she imposes any real consequences so your granddaughter has learned that as long as she keeps pushing and whining and tantruming...eventually she gets what she wants and that is why she behaves that way...because it's rewarded.

Re: How do you discipline your kids?

How do you discipline your kids?

OP said it's her DAUGHTER'S phone, not her 6.5 year old granddaughter's.

Re: How do you discipline your kids?

I beat her


I am kidding before anyone calls CPS on me. But in all honestly my 6.5 year old can quite hoenstly be full blow on witch (and that's me using the nice word)

I can ask something in a calm voice several times and she still won't do it till I scream.

I have plenty of times forced her into her room

I am pretty sure she is lashing out at times over jealousy of her 3.5 year old brother; she decided now to start being jealous not when he was born

she is fresh and lies to get herself out of trouble. Drives me insane but its probably my fault to because I should probably be reacting better and holding strong to punishments I give.

When I do punish she goes in her room and/or looses whatever she happens to like at moment.

The best part is she in an behaves really well in school and at tae kwon do where she goes to before and after care

Re: How do you discipline your kids?

Star system for lack of doing what is annoying per day... focus on one thing: we do no tantrums or hitting. Buy a prize at the end of a certain number of stars. Make it hard. My kids are on 2 months and are waiting for a fidget spinner (which they chose but will realize is a crappy prize... which is another lesson)

Time outs for bad behavior: sit in a room by themself

As for the phone: delete all apps

Re: How do you discipline your kids?

yes you did come off judgy. First of all, I didn't say it was my granddaughters phone. It was my daughters and she just took it. Secondly, where did I say I disciplined her? And even so, my daughter doesn't have an issue if I DID say something even though she is present. She has been punished, had things taken away, etc. I wasn't asking for criticism , I was asking advice.

How do you discipline your kids?

I don't think you daughter needs to do anything differently. 6.5 is a hard age (well they are all hard) and she was just being a brat. If she didn't want to take a picture or participate in family activities then I would have made her sit inside alone, with no electronics until she wanted to join the activities. The key to any punishment is consistency. Follow through on whatever you are telling them you will do.

On a side note, my mother once, and only once, commented on how I was disciplining my child and lets just say the conversation was not pleasant for her. I would mind your own business unless your daughter specifically asks you.

Re: How do you discipline your kids?

This is so tough because what works for one kid doesn't work for another. I have twins and they are like night and day. My one is such a troublemaker. I could tell you stories that would make your hair fall out (like when he argued with his teacher that he was the teacher and she was the kid and he is in charge...I have a million more of these). He didn't even care he would get in trouble. He would say yes, I didn't feel like listening because I'm in charge and I know I'm in trouble!!! He is so strong willed that he pushes my buttons and often I wind up yelling. I really try not to but after 7 times of asking him, I'm past my point. He is my social butterfly, so when we threaten we will not go somewhere (a party, friend's house, zoo, whatever), usually he gets upset and says I'm sorry please can we go?

His twin is so sensitive if we even say something to him like why are you not listening (although he generally is well behaved), he starts crying immediately which can also be exhausting.

How do you discipline your kids?

Is it possible she was very tired? My dd is usually very well behaved, but becomes a beast when she's overtired. Usually by the end of any type of family celebration she's done for, all the excitement, plus the sugar crash after the cake wears off, send her into an emotional meltdown. She had a horrible screaming tantrum leaving a family party a couple months ago and I was furious, especially since that's so unlike her normal personality. As soon as we got home I sent her for a time out in her room and when I poked my head in a few min later she was fast asleep so I know she was exhausted. But after she woke up,we spoke about how she acted and how if she does it again we will stop going to family parties and she won't be allowed to go to bday parties her friends invite her to. She had a friend's party coming up soon and we told her that was her chance to show how she could be good and cooperative when it was time to leave. And she did great bc she was aware of what she had to do and what was expected of her. I think the most important thing is following thru. So if she had been bad leaving the 2nd party, we would have made sure she KNEW she was missing the next party on our calendar. And positive praise for good behavior is key in encouraging more good behavior in the future.

Re: How do you discipline your kids?

I agree with the PP that said your granddaughter wasn't given options; although I understand that giving them options is very difficult to do all the time, but for the picture thing, I would have let it go at the moment, and thence later if she was up for it. Perhaps the situation started to escalate the more she was asked to have the picture taken.

Now, for the phone, with DS I made it very clear that it was my phone and he needed to ask for permission if he wanted to have it. When he didn't listen to it, I just put a password, so he wasn't able to use it without asking me. I agree that the key is to be consistent. I don't believe in timeouts. In my case, they never worked with DS. I believe in taking things away, or privileges away. In the last case, using her mom's phone is a privilege, you don't ask, you don't get to use it. Sometimes -very difficult to do so, though- the best thing is to ignore tantrums, and wait until they calm down and then talk to them. In the middle of a tantrum things can get out of control.

Re: How do you discipline your kids?

One of mine , almost 7, is almost impossible to discipline. He laughs when yelled at, refuses to do things when asked, calls us old or ugly, and many other things. I yell, drag him, take things away and he doesn't give a poop. The only thing that works sometimes is telling him I'm going to call grandpa and tell him what he is doing. He also won't misbehave in front of any of the grandparents. He slipped up a couple of times in front of my mom and she was in shock. I'm going to be institutionalize Bc of him He is even worse with my DH. I really hope he outgrows this. Grandma, I don't know what to tell you! Some kids are just bonkers

Re: How do you discipline your kids?

I have to agree with Cookiepuss in that you are the grandmother. Your daughter is the mother, and she's got to set the boundaries and discipline her child. Is your daughter researching this? She's the one who needs to come up with and follow through on a method that will work for her family. There are time outs, consequences, and rewards for positive behaviors, like behavior charts, etc. but no one method works in every home.

No offense and I guess you might think I'm being judgy too. But to be honest with you, I wouldn't want my mom researching and suggesting disciplinary methods regarding my child.

Re: How do you discipline your kids?

Message edited 7/17/2017 9:15:25 AM.

Re: How do you discipline your kids?

Cookiepuss, the op changed the wording. Originally, it read that it was the six year old's phone and not the mom's phone. You did not misread it.

Message edited 7/17/2017 12:02:36 PM.

Re: How do you discipline your kids?

read it again. i said it was my DAUGHTER'S phone, not my granddaughters.

Re: How do you discipline your kids?

Also, fyi, my daughter asked to me to ask this group. She's not on here and asked me to write. And I didnt "change my story" I never said she's acting up all the time. She is normally well behaved but has outbursts and obviously she's not the only one and it's normal at this age.

How do you discipline your kids?

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