Holding back for K

My DS is an Oct birthday so he just turned 4. Our cutoff is Dec 1, so he makes it for next year by about 6 weeks. His preschool teacher has recently brought up to me that while she thinks he'll "probably" be ready academically he would likely benefit from an extra year for social/emotional reasons. I was pretty much thinking the same thing and she just really confirmed it for me.

Anyway, I'm just wondering for anyone who DID hold back, were there any negatives? Do you regret the decision at all?

Thanks so much!

Re: Holding back for K

I regret not holding my DS back. He’s advanced academically but is socially immature and emotionally sensitive. The difference persists.... he’s in second grade now... and I was surprised to find he’s the youngest in his whole grade as a late summer baby. Bunch of kids are over a year older than him. Makes a big difference if everyone else is doing it.

Re: Holding back for K

IN NJ we have different cut off dates but my kids are the youngest in their classes. When my son was in first and second I thought I should have held him back, but by fifth I am so glad I did not do so. I actually spoke with a kid in his scout troop who told me he was older than my son but he was held back and he hates it. He said he feels like his parents must have thought he was dumb because he knows he is older than the other kids and does not feel challenged at all. But the boy is really short and petite. My 8yo Dd is taller than he is. I will say, my son is in the 99th percentile for height, so he is 5 foot 2 and a half at age 10. He has always been tall for his age. I worried about his maturity and it all evened out. He would have looked like a giant if I kept him back.

Holding back for K

Nobody I know who has made the decision to hold their child back has regretted it.

DS 1 is a December b-day so he just missed the cut-off. People told me that it was better that way so I didn't have to decide.

He's one of the older kids in his grade but, there are a couple who were held back (mostly boys). There were also a bunch that were sent on time - and you can tell that some of them are almost a year younger than DS socially.

Holding back for K

Nope. Not a fan of red shirting at all.

If his bday was end of November, maybe I could understand it, but Oct, no. I have an end of October birthday and it wasn't even a choice to start late. You went when you were supposed to. There will always be a oldest and youngest in every grade.

Holding back for K

My DD is Dec12 but we are in NYC so she made the cutoff. She is in 8th grade now and Im so glad I never considered holding her back. By 5th grade kids looks older and bigger and are all aware of their ages. The older kids appear "left back" or the other kids think their parents think they were dumb. Unless there is a real diagnosied issue, I dont support holding back, by 2-3rd grade they all even out emotionally, socially, academically ect..

Re: Holding back for K

Re: Holding back for K

Thanks to everyone who responded so far. I'm so torn. I'm not really a fan of redshirting either and I never considered it until the past few months. He just acts like such a baby compared to other kids his age I've seen. His teachers tell me he still has trouble following classroom routines and in all his extra activities it's been mentioned to me that he doesn't listen and follow directions.

That's what concerns me because I don't want to set him up to be a discipline problem and have him getting in trouble all the time. He's the type of kid that will then tune out and not learn anything.

He's also super tiny, only 37.5 inches and 33 pounds. And I highly doubt he will ever catch up as DH and I are not very big people.

Message edited 1/3/2018 12:11:43 PM.

Re: Holding back for K

Holding back for K

Im not a fan either, but am a fan of going with teacher recommendations. They are with our kids (sometimes more than us!) and know the demands that they will be under. If the teacher feels passionately then i would listen to that.

Re: Holding back for K

Holding back for K

Dd2 is a late November baby and while I have a year still, I'm undecided. The main thing I will consider is academic readiness though. She's tiny for her age but she's just going to have to get used to that bc it's not going to change. In terms of social skills and maturity, I think that evens out eventually but there will be kids that are less or more mature regardless of whether they're 5, 6, 7 years old. If a kid is academically on track I can't see holding them back and having them do the same stuff an extra year and end up bored. Dd will go to upk next year and hopefully we'll figure out if she's ready then with input from the teacher. For now, she's in a 3yo program and she's retaining practically nothing in terms of letters and numbers. If all that changes in a year, great. If not, I'll consider either holding her back or seeing if sending her and seeking added support is a better option.

Re: Holding back for K

Re: Holding back for K

My son is in third grade and his birthday is November 25, our cutoff is December 1. I didn't hold him back. Academically he was ready. He had defintely been one of the smaller kids in the class, but now in 3rd grade he's caught up to some of the kids. He would have been bored in another year of preschool. He's done very well academically. His handwriting is a mess and he's sloppy in his work, but I don't think that's an age thing. He reads at a 6th grade reading level, has always been an avid reader and does well in math as well. And I see no difference in his social skills versus the other kids now that we are a few grades in.

Message edited 1/3/2018 1:43:34 PM.

Re: Holding back for K

Holding back for K

if you asked me 2 years ago, i would have told you i was against red shirting too. but, my oldest son was born Nov 21 (cut off Dec 1) and when it came time to register him for K, i knew in my gut he wasn't ready. he was fine academically, but really struggled socially and emotionally. in pre-K, he HATED school and didn't want to go. he wasn't able to make friends. i knew that i couldn't send him to K like that. i spoke with so many people, people that knew him, people that didn't but had held their children back and people who didn't hold back. you are going to get every opinion under the sun. i will tell you this, you know your child best. go with your gut. i do not regret my decision. my son had a wonderful second year of pre-K where he blossomed. he matured and loved school and made so many friends. i sent him to K knowing he was ready.

Re: Holding back for K

Re: Holding back for K

You know your son better. DS is from the end of October. When it was time for K, he was academically ready but he has always been in the immature side, even now in 7th grade... Anyway, we didn't hold him back and it was never an option. Now that I think why, it was because he would have felt bored one year behind, also many of the friends he had met so far, were going to K, so it would have been weird. There are kids now that are one year or more older than him, and that will always be the case. He has a good group of friends that he shares interests with, so no social concerns (well occasionally here and there through these years, but just like any other kid), and academically he is doing great.

Re: Holding back for K

Holding back for K

Is having him go to K and repeat K if you think he needs it an option? Remember between now and next September, your DS will change a lot. I wouldn't want to make that decision now. My DD has an end of October birthday and other classmates have fall bdays. I don't think holding back is done often. In fact, my impression from LIF was that parents of children with December bdays wanted them starting a year earlier.

Holding back for K

I held back both of my October boys. My oldest is now in sixth grade and I don't regret it at all. We live in NYC and they could have gone to public K, but the catholic school I wanted them to attend said they needed another year. There are kids older them in their classes, and kids more than a year younger. Their school expects a lot of kindergarteners and my boys could not have handled it at 4.

Re: Holding back for K

Both my kids were born in late November and just made the December 1 cut off. It did not occur to me to wait another year - and pay for daycare another year - I just followed the school guidelines. I am so glad I did not red shirt them because they are doing so well academically and would have been so bored otherwise and they also do great with sports, etc. However, I will say that they personally do not like being the youngest in their class - my son's best friend is a year older than him - so my son will be last to drive, vote, drink, etc. Not that those things should be a consideration but just pointing it out because my kids hate that. I really think it is based on the child - if you think the child is not emotionally or academically ready and they are on the cusp of the cutoff then by all means wait a year.

Holding back for K

I would wait & see how they are at that time. My twin boys are Oct 28. I really BELIEVED I was going to hold them back. The teacher told me not to. They are now in 1st grade & very happy I didnt.
They are more then ready for 1st grade- one reading on 2nd grade level. They are also very tall & would look totally out of place instead of blending in with size. One of my boys is having a hard time sitting at times, but NO REGRETS about sending them.

Message edited 1/3/2018 10:57:28 PM.

Re: Holding back for K

Holding back for K

It really depends on the individual child. My nephew and my dd both have October birthdays. My nephew ended up struggling in Kindergarten and needed to repeat the year. It ended up being good for him to do it over again. Meanwhile my dd was very ready for kindergarten and I'm glad we didn't hold her back. She's almost halfway thru the year and doing great and she loves school. But there are at least a few of her classmates that are already 6, so obviously they waited an extra year, and that's what worked for them. The only issue I'm starting to notice isn't academic for my dd, and not really social since she's VERY social and always has been. But I've noticed her coming home and telling me about how some of the older kids in her class are more bossy and "mean" to her. So I do feel bad that she's in with more "mature" ( if you can call it that in Kindergarten ) kids. But if anything hopefully it will be a life lesson for her and help her deal with bully situations early on. It's just the one thing that makes me wonder if we should have held her back.