Disruptive Kids in Activities

My 4 year old started karate a few months ago. He loves it, but it can sometimes be difficult getting him there and he doesn't like wearing the uniform, but generally once he's in the room, he had a good time.

The class is all 3-4 year olds, so occasionally a kid acts up, doesn't listen, or just melts down. I've always been very impressed with how well the teachers deal with this, and how rarely they need to get the parents involved, but generally if it gets out of hand, they bring the kid out of the room and to the parent. My son was taken out once when he started crying. He was given a few minutes, regained his composure, and finished the class. I've seen a few other kids be pulled out of the room and take a few minutes, but generally all these kids were participating but acting up.

There is a boy in his class who clearly doesn't want to do karate. He's been there for at least a month or so, and he doesn't want to go in, he doesn't want to participate, and he won't wear the uniform. His mother doesn't want to let him win and says he has to do it. So she shoves him in the class, tell him he's better at then all the other kids, goes in with him and participates herself, or just does whatever she can to make him do it.

Yesterday, she made the kid go in, and he started just running around the room while all the other kids were following the instructor. One of the teachers literally ran after, caught the kid, and wrestled him to take him out of the class, but the mother refused to take him and said he had to stay in the class, and to just ignore him. The instructor explained that he couldn't just let him run around because there was equipment in the room he should not be playing with, she insisted and went in the room to watch him (I should note the instructors are teenagers, so I don't think he knew what do when the mother refused to remove her child). I really don't care about the mother's parenting decisions, and I totally get not letting a toddler win, but I was kind of annoyed because her child was being disruptive for the other kids in the class. I could see my son watching him run around and being an ass. I seriously thought about saying something to the people at the desk, but the kid calmed down and started participating before I could decide if I wanted to be that parent.

Would you have said something? I feel like at some point every kid can be disruptive, and mine can be a bit of clown in class, but I think running around the room and not participating at all crosses a line.

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I personally wouldn't have said anything. I totally agree he shouldnt be running around but then he calmed down and participated. I would use it has a teaching moment for my own child on how NOT to behave.

Disruptive Kids in Activities

I would complain to a director. Sometimes it can take kids time to adjust but when it is a weekly disruption for a class I am paying for Id be very annoyed.

Disruptive Kids in Activities

I wouldn’t say anything and let the instructors handle it.

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I would leave the decision to the head instructor (there should be a non teen head instructor and if there isn’t, I’d find a different studio).

I wouldn’t dream to complain about an unruly 3 year old. I have had 3 different types of 3 year olds... my current one is a piece of work, but all classes I have her in deal with her VERY well.

Disruptive Kids in Activities

I'm glad to hear that other parents wouldn't say anything. I was kind of on the border, and I've been wondering all day if I should of said something. I'm pretty passive, so I worry I'm too passive sometimes.

I guess I was shocked because it's the first time I've seen a parent override the instructor's decision to remove a child. I wasn't annoyed the kid was unruly, but I was annoyed that the mother wouldn't take him out when the instructor asked her to. He wasn't asking him to leave, but to take a time out to calm down.

The head instructor may not have been a teen (they all look like teens to me, but seriously anyone under the age of 30 looks like a teen to me these days).

I did talk to my son afterwards about the kid being disruptive, but I was so nervous all class that he was watching the kid and what if he decided to join in. He did see the kid leave the room to get a drink of water, and immediately asked to go get water. When he came out I told him he could have it, but that in the future not to leave class for water. Then later on in class, my son asked the instructor about getting water again and told him that his mom said not to leave for water, and the instructor agreed and said you shouldn't leave class for water. My son accepted that and continued on with the rest of the class, so I was happy to see that he heard me and the instructor backed me up.

Disruptive Kids in Activities

I mean, they’re 3.

I would actually be more upset that the policy is to remove kids who aren’t listening for a “time out.” Not that I’m against time outs, but for a kid who may not want to be in the room, they can get themselves removed by acting out, so it’s not really serving the correct purpose here. I’ve also never heard of doing that for little kid activities.

It’s also only been a month for this kid-it took eons for my daughter to go into ballet by herself, and even now she has her days where we have to tell her it’s a non-negotiable (and she loves going). But again, they’re 3, and have the temperament of a 3 year old.

The water thing also sounds very normal-once one girl goes to the bathroom at ballet the moms laugh because we know every other girl is going to “have to” go one at a time. It is what it is for the age.

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They're not removed for being generally disruptive. It's a room full of 3 year old - none of them would be in the class then. Like I said, my kid can be a clown and act pretty weird. All the kids have their days where they might not listen. Many the kids resist going in or sit on the side because they don't want to participate, and generally the instructors are great at dealing with the kids - trying to get them involved/show them it's ok.

Generally taking the kid out is for extreme things - e.g., one kid tried to strangle his brother with his belt, another kid hit an instructor, my son was just crying for no reason. It's not really done as a punishment, more so when the instructor feels a parent needs to be involved and/or the kid needs a break.

This kid wasn't just not listening. He was running around the room, not participating at all, yelling, climbing on the equipment, running near the open door into the parking lot, etc. while all the other 3-4 year olds were doing jumping jacks, stretching, and making an attempt to following along while still wiggling, staring in the mirror, and spinning in circles for no reason, etc. We've been going for a few months now, and this was the first time I'd seen any of the kids act like this. I definitely get that their 3 year old, and I definitely don't expect for them to be perfect.

I guess looking back, it wasn't that bad. I just feel like it's such a fine line between my son paying attention and not, that I worry he'll see that kid running around and not listening and think hm.... maybe I should do that too, because it looks like he's having fun. Which is definitely more of a me problem than something I should complain about.

Disruptive Kids in Activities

The more I think about it the dumber I feel for ever considering it. I think I let my MIL get in my head. She asked if we complained about the kid who tried to choke his brother, and both DH and I said "No, why would we do that? He wasn't choking (DS). It wasn't affecting (DS) in anyway" and she suggested it was disruptive. I feel like that put the seed in my head, and then I saw DS being distracted by this other kid and wondered if I should be complaining. Normally I don't even really watch the class, because I trust that the instructors have it handled.

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Tbh I would evaluate the school, most martial art school don’t even take 3yrs because it’s about discipline and respect. Also the teenage instructors would have me second guess the program. Not saying they can’t teach younger kids but 3yr olds are hard for an adult.

Unless my son wasn’t learning anything, I wouldnt get annoyed at incidents here and there. If this is a continuous pattern and he isn’t learning anything because the class can be so disruptive, then I would take issue and say something.

There have been kids in the class when my son was younger who have disrupted the class. I think incidences like that are bound to happen especially since martial arts helps kids with ADD/ADHD and other learning disabilities.

My son mostly is the good disciplined one in his Kung Fu class. Surprisingly because he is the disruptive one at school. but I always tell him to lead by example and don’t follow the other kids. Just keep reinforcing it, that’s what I did. And if your son gets caught up and follows the other kid one day, again just let him know next time he has to try harder and pay attention in class.

I wound just make sure you and your son are getting everything you need from the karate school. I think that’s the same for dance or any other extra curricular program.

Message edited 11/2/2018 6:21:55 PM.

Disruptive Kids in Activities

My DD is almost 3 and in a few activities. I would never complain about another child. She can be tough sometimes, too. That's what 3 year olds do.

Disruptive Kids in Activities

my kid is "that kid" with his swimming lessons. He likes swimming, but just HATES that the instructor makes him work at it HAHA when its not his turn, sometimes he will get out of the pool and go to the corner of the room.... or he won't swim when she says its his turn. i do feel really bad bc theres only one other kid in the group with him.... but the instructor is good about moving back to the other kid if my DS is taking too long to participate. I'm sure the other parents are wondering what i'm thinking bringing him week after week when he's clearly not into it/ participating fully. BUT to me swimming is something i feel will really benefit him, its a safety thing for me. i want him to be safe around the water and know what to do (we spend a lot of time at pools, beach, etc in the summer) so i'm willing to stick it out and whatever he gets out of each lesson is good to me.
so maybe this mom feels the same way. maybe her son has ADHD or is having issues in school, etc and she really feels like sticking with karate will help him in the long run. and he's never gonna learn to focus/ stick with an activity if she keeps pulling him in and out of different activities every time he acts up or whatever. I don't know- it sounds like the karate instructors have a system for handling it and it doesn't sound like it affected the other kids TOO much... so i would let the mom and the instructors handle it together.... OR maybe see if theres another class time you could move your DS to?

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That behavior is typical for that age range. It's funny because DS has been playing sports since he was 2 1/2 yrs and it was always kinda pointless because none of the kids did what they are supposed to be doing. It was just an activity to get us out of the house. All the Dads get so mad that their kid won't even stay on the field.

This season, I enrolled DS is in a class with slightly older kids. I think he takes the lessons more seriously because all the kids pay more attention and he learns better by example. The kids his age all still run off the field every 2 minutes, stop to pick up crap on the field, etc. He's a bit of a follower, so if he sees other kids doing that, he joins right in. The one practice at the beginning of the fall was a bit rough. There was another kid that was spinning in circles on the field, so DS started doing it and wouldn't pay attention. The coach finally got him to stop, but I was afraid I'd have to take him out and move him back to the younger class.

I would hate to be the mom of the disruptive kid and I can't imagine being asked to take him out and refusing. Like yeah, she pays for that class, but so does everyone else. I wouldn't say anything unless it happened all the time and it was really disrupting my kid. I don't know what I would be asking of them because they would prob just offer to move you to another class. Even then, there's likely to be the same problem, because it's just normal behavior for that age. So yeah, I guess I would just not say anything.

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Disruptive Kids in Activities

A lot of programs do accept children in the spectrum. I know a nearby karate place that accepts kids, and my son is currently in swimming lessons. He needs 3 people to make him get into the pool. Both parents and the swim instructor. He is only 8. He also yells and cries all the time in the pool. He is slowly adjusting
We never know what might be the child or parents difficulties.
I had a parent tell me her son ( neuron typical was the same for 1 year )
And she smiled at me .
Really kind words... I was so happy when she said that to me just this Sunday and it made my day,
sometimes we never know

Message edited 11/5/2018 5:15:29 PM.