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How to help with a sudden, tragic death?
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Hopefulmama
LIF Adult
Member since 4/14 1014 total posts
Name:
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How to help with a sudden, tragic death?
I might pull this so don’t quote. My niece’s boyfriend of many years died tragically in a freak accident - truly unbelievable. Our whole family is beside ourselves. I’m so worried for her. You just don’t hear much about the loss of a boyfriend/girlfriend of a young person :(. We are not sure at all what to do for her as it’s such a unique type of loss. They had just graduated college and were so happy about the future. We are heartbroken. If anyone has some wisdom or experience to share that would be helpful, I would love to hear it :(.
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Posted 7/21/19 9:00 AM  |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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How to help with a sudden, tragic death?
A grief counselor.
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| Posted 7/21/19 10:25 AM |
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hmm
Sweet
Member since 1/14 7993 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to help with a sudden, tragic death?
Posted by Hopefulmama
Let her grieve and feel the grief it if that is what she wants. If she is not ready dont try and push her.
Let her know you and the family will be there, let her talk about him, memories and her sadness without statements such as, its gods will, it was his time, things will get better etc.... as humans we ALL try to say things in an effort to make the person feel better, but that is not the best way
give her a hug, hold her hand and just be there. Take her to lunch, go for a walk, send her caring card
MOST importantly, don't tell her to call if she needs something, its not her place to ask. Tell her you will call her in a week, two weeks a month, just to say hi and I'm here for you
So sorry for everyone's loss.
Message edited 7/23/2019 9:29:02 PM.
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| Posted 7/21/19 12:08 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to help with a sudden, tragic death?
Posted by hmm
Let her grieve and feel the grief it if that is what she wants. If she is not ready dont try and push her.
Let her know you and the family will be there, let her talk about him, memories and her sadness without statements such as, its gods will, it was his time, things will get better etc.... as humans we ALL try to say things in an effort to make the person feel better, but that is not the best way
give her a hug, hold her hand and just be there. Take her to lunch, go for a walk, send her caring card
MOST importantly, don't tell her to call if she needs something, its not her place to ask. Tell her you will call her in a week, two weeks a month, just to say hi and I'm here for you
So sorry for everyone's loss.
You might want to edit your post since the OP asked specifically for people not to quote.
As for the OP, just be there for her if she wants to talk. I lost my father right after I graduated college. Most of my friends didn't really know what to say or do so if she has some people that are older, with more experience helping her through this I think it will help.
Also, let her grieve in her own time. In some ways the early days are easier because you are getting a lot of attention and sympathy but I really lost my sh*t about a year later and by then everyone thought I should have been "over it."
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| Posted 7/21/19 1:00 PM |
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mommy2be716
LIF Adult
Member since 1/16 2921 total posts
Name:
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How to help with a sudden, tragic death?
I have no advice, it's so difficult because everyone grieves differently.. I would maybe talk to your sister/brother about what you can do to help your niece?
Was this the deer park accident? I saw the Go Fund Me getting passed around on Facebook. So sad :(
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| Posted 7/21/19 1:38 PM |
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RainyDay
LIF Adult
Member since 6/15 3990 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to help with a sudden, tragic death?
Posted by lululu
Also, let her grieve in her own time. In some ways the early days are easier because you are getting a lot of attention and sympathy but I really lost my sh*t about a year later and by then everyone thought I should have been "over it."
This. Just make sure she knows you guys are there for her and check up on her periodically.
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| Posted 7/21/19 5:49 PM |
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chilltocam
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 9141 total posts
Name:
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How to help with a sudden, tragic death?
Just let her know you are there for her. Whether it's to talk and share memories, offer a distraction (not that she will ever forget, but sometimes a break is needed), or just be there. That's really all you can do. The time right after someone dies is busy and there are always a lot of people around. It's after that, when it's quiet and the funeral is over, that it's really important to still be there, to let her know that you are there, for whatever it is she might need. And don't wait for her to ask. Keep in touch in a way that let's her set the pace - text to let her know you're thinking about her and ask if she wants to get together, do something etc. She might not want to or she might, depending on the day.
I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this
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| Posted 7/22/19 9:38 AM |
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justthe4ofus
I hate hypocrites!!!!!
Member since 5/05 6905 total posts
Name:
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How to help with a sudden, tragic death?
Grief is a tough one. Everyone's process and path is different. I would definitely recommend a support group and/or a counselor. I'm sorry that she is going through this
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| Posted 7/24/19 10:33 AM |
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