Soul Sisters: Building Lifelong Friendships That Are Good For The Heart And Soul

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By Mia Bolaris-Forget

Good friends seem to come around only once in a lifetime, if we’re lucky. And, it seems that the “older” and perhaps wiser we get, the more people we weed out from our “Fave- Five”. For the most part, it’s because our lives, and often our opinions change and because many of us may simply find, we simply don’t have the time for more than a handful of friends. Another aspect that affects friendships, say experts is expectations and the emergence of conflict and the lack of mutually effective and honest communication. In fact, most of us both feel and see the strain on the friendship but may let it slide for “fear” of losing a connection.

But, say experts, friendship is a two-way street and both people’s need must be met and addressed to keep it alive. Here are a few suggestion to help keep the fire of friendship burning.

· Tune in to his or her true feelings: Try to see past the “front” most of us put on for “the crowd” and now when something is really wrong. Just make sure you are careful to, in the course of trying to help, also respect your friend’s privacy.

· Learn to lean on each other: Be there for one another in the good times and in the bad and make sure to be there even when your friend may not feel like she may need you. But, remember to also keep a comfortable “distance” and space so that you don’t wind up feeling smothered by each other.

· Do unto others: Remember to treat your friend with the same courtesy and respect that you want your friend to treat you. Support friends in their efforts, even if you’re not always there along side them, and don’t forget to do your part to encourage their efforts, even if it means going out of your way.

· Cut gal pals some slack: Whether their going through a breakup, are feeling out of the loop as the only “singleton” or planning their wedding, show lots of love and understanding during these very emotional and trying times.

· Learn to listen: Sure your friends count on you to help them find a solution, but sometimes just letting them vent is enough. Learn to listen without judgement and wait for an opportunity to offer your advice or help.

· Be Real: While it’s okay to “sugar coat” reality in an effort to “be sweet”, try to be truthful, after all friendships are built on honesty, trust, and integrity.

· Rejoice: Let yourself be happy for your friends , rather than making personal comparisons and making it all about you. In fact, try to help your friends succeed and then celebrate with him or her in the victory.

· Play the match game: Whether you’re happily coupled or not, if you find someone that’s just her type, make it a point to point him out, maybe even set things up.

· Kid around: Let her know that you’re there to help her with her kids or relieve her of some of the responsibility by watching them so she and her man can have a “date night”. Just make sure you don’t become the weekly babysitter if that’s not what you’re into.

· Learn from each other: Keep an open mind when it comes to sharing your talents. Let your friend know what he or she can do for you and don’t hesitate to return the favour. You never know besides an even swap you each may learn something new.

· Pay attention: To body language and “critiques”. Keep in mind that sometimes it takes a good friend to point out the “obvious” because sometimes “we” are too close to the forest to see the trees.

· Pick up the slack: Always be prepared to help your friend shine. And, make sure you’re available in his or her time of need even if it means a major sacrifice on your part. Remember, this relationship is not only about you. Just make sure it doesn’t turn into a repeated pattern or “abuse”.

· Stay humble: No matter how much you do, don’t look for the praise. Instead, take it graciously and make sure to let your friend now that the compliment means the world to you.