Marketing Strategies: Dealing With Dating After Divorce

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By Mia Bolaris-Forget

The big dress, the even bigger party, and the BIGGER than life dreams of happily ever after. That’s exactly what weddings are made of. But, all too often that’s NOT necessarily what marriages are made of. And, in fact, many marriages result in putting both bride and groom back on the market, the dating market that is.

Now, depending on age, how long you’ve off the market, including exclusively dating, been married, and whether or not you have kids, stepping back out on “the scene” can be an unwelcome challenge and quite intimidating. And, while divorce is, believe it or not, at an all-time low since 1970, it’s still not uncommon or unusual. Still, doling out details may be uncomfortable, though perhaps necessary if you want things to heat up or get serious.

And, we all know, say experts, that honesty, especially in relationships, is the best policy. Still, timing and diplomacy are key. Here’s some tips on timing and tact.

· If you are in the midst of a divorce, it’s best to tell a prospective partner immediately.

· Keep specifics to yourself, at least initially. Experts suggest waiting to reveal why the marriage ended or any specifics about your ex until the relationship is trusting and comfortable. Remember, you new “mate” is interested in YOU not your past (relationship).

· Keep it short and sweet refraining from giving too much detail. Instead talk about what you learned and why it’s made you better. This show your ability to grow without bitterness, not placing all the blame (so conveniently) on someone else, and is less intimidating and overwhelming.

· Keep a neutral attitude when discussing your past. You don’t want to seem overly bitter or like you’re still pining.

· Be honest about what you have to give and offer. Don’t lead the other person on.

Once you’ve gotten past the preliminaries and are ready to move to the next level, personally and/or romantically or both, begin by ridding yourself of un-necessary baggage.

· Get paperwork, children, finances, etc under control. And, make sure you show and make your new mate top priority.

· Be honest about children and your responsibility to them, as well as your feelings toward potentially having more. Make sure you new love interest understands, respects and is on the same page with your obligations and position.

· Make sure to tell your kids about your new mate. Tell them before introducing the two allowing them to digest the information and deal with it on their terms, on their time and on their level. And, while you “do” want to encourage their input and opinion, remember that kids may be biased so, don’t let them fully sway your dating decisions.

· Make sure your mate is equally as fond of your kids as you. If not you may have to re-evaluate and reconsider the relationship. Remember, say experts, unless kids are being purposely difficult or “unlikable” and/or unreasonable, your first allegiance is to them and not necessarily to your new mate.