frustration

I'd love to know how other Mom's of twins deal with all the responsibilities besides just taking care of their babies. Mine are now 10 weeks old and still too young to be put on a schedule or sleep through the night.
I think it's unreasonable even though I am a SAHM to think that I can sit and just hold and play with them all day long, while there are chores that still need to get done. I mean endless laundry, a house to keep clean, dinners to be made, food shopping, a dog to take care of and anything that may come along that day, let alone anything I may want to do like taking a shower (yeah, that's pretty much impossible most days.)
I resigned to spending the day when I am by myself to just tending to them, but then when my DH gets home I feel like I am so overwhelmed with the stuff that actually has to get done. How do you deal with it?
I don't want to miss out on this time in their life, but to be honest, they cry a lot, which makes me frazled. I don't seem to be enjoying this stage as much as I thought I would. Am I the only one? I feel that nobody talks about how hard it is, so I have never heard what I am feeling is normal.
Thanks for letting me vent.

Re: frustration

Let me assure you - what you are feeling is TOTALLY NORMAL!!!!

The first few months are very difficult ones - your #1 priority is the babies - everything else can fall to the wayside.

Is there any family around that can pitch in and help you a few hours a week?

I was home with the babies for the first year and it was very difficult at times, but I can assure you that it does get easier once they start falling into a routine. Eventually they will fall into sych with each other.
Right now - you are doing exactly what needs to be done - and that is taking care of them.



If anybody ever said taking care of newborn twins is easy - they are just plain crazy!!!!!

Re: frustration

sorry you are feeling frustrated.

I stayed home for their first year and it was crazy, the girls, the house, dog also. I did feel bad that the house wasn't always clean or dinner was always homecooked, we ate a lot of take out. I got a cleaning person to help for a few months, that was great, it was weird being home playing with the girls while the cleaning person was there, but a few hours and my house was cleaned.

I feel like as long as the babies are clean, happy and thriving then everything else doesn't matter.

Why do you think 10 weeks is still to young for a schedule? We stuck to a schedule as soon as they came home from the hospital. it changed by a hour or so, but between feedings and napping I need to keep them on a schedule to take me sane and organized.

Even now that the girls are more independent, I still don't have time to do everything around the house--I thank g*d for nap time to get stuff done.

In regards to food shopping look for home delivery services. I started using Peapod.com by Stop and Shop when I 7 months preggo. It is great and easy and the groceries arrive the next day.

I used to shower before DH went to work, even if it was 6 amish. It made me feel 100 times better to have a shower and start the day right. If even time before the DC woke up I would go to Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts, just to get outfor 10 minutes. DH thought I was crazy, but I needed to be alone for 10 minutes and be me-even if it was for a drive down the block.
Even if you go for a mani or pedi, you have to take care of yourself. A happy mommy is a happy baby(ies).

I know people have said this, but it does get better. Good Luck. sorry for the long post.

Re: frustration

My house is still a mess and we are still working on it 8 months later!

I used to shower before DH left in the morning....Also, 10 weeks is not too young to be on a schedule! Right now, they should be on a feed/sleep schedule! This really helped me a lot.

What I learned about crying in retrospect was that I was not feeding them enough. I was so crazed about not over feeding that I was slightly underfeeding them. They were still on 2 ounces every two hours for the first 4 weeks. They would cry a lot and I would loose my mind! Once I started feeding them a bit more and I worked out some gas issuses, we were on our way.....

Don't feel bad at all....having and taking care of twins is hard!

Re: frustration

We are also on 8 months and I am ashamed to call this place my home. They do take up a lot of your time but try to use nap time as your time. I currently work full time with 2 days at home and it is endless. At 10 weeks if I remember correctly the boys were on a sleep feed schedule and they used to nap for an hour or two and thats when I would jump in the shower. As long as they are in a safe place you can step a way for a while.

Like everyone else said if you can have someone hangout with you even for an hour it helps.


Good luck...

Re: frustration

My boys were on a schedule immediatly thanks to the NICU. This was a life saver. I was only home with them for 3 months but this time is very hetic, there is not alot of time for toher stuff, but once you get them on a schedule you can find time to fit in things like a shower and making a meal or two.

DH left for work at 4 am, so I would make sure to shower right before they normally wake up. I would sleep at night when they did but not really durig the day, since I am not a big napper.

A schedule was how we all thrived. I also had a bunch of help from my MIL and Mother. Everytime they came to watch one when the other was in the NICU, they would clean the dishes and make a meal since seeing my son for one hour meant I was gone for 3 - 4 hours because of the commute.

Can you swing a cleaning lady? That might make a big difference so you don't feel like you have so much to do.

Also how many bottles do you have? I found that having a dya's worth for each of them, was the easiest thing, so if there was a day I had no time, I know I didn't have to wash a bottle until the end of the day.

Re: frustration

Completely normal what you are feeling. I still look back at the first three months and shiver at the way I was. And nobody told us how bad it was going to be.

I just didn't care about everything else except feeding the babies and cathching some sleep time. I had family too that helped a lot.

I would shower when DH got home from work and give me a little alone time.

I will say I was so completely overwhelmed at times and sleep deprived that I literally remember thinking I was having a nervous breakdown once or twice. I never once thought of hurting my kids, but there were a few times I did think about getting into a car and disappearing...not very rational thoughts.

It does get better. You are almost there....around 10 weeks I started the boys on a nap schedule and learned to let them cry for a bit before I ran to them. I also learned how to prop their bottles up for their nighttime feedings so it went quicker. I also had to go back to work at 12 weeks so that is what made me want to start getting them on some type of schedule.

I still tell people that I am not a newborn baby person. I did not enjoy the first 12 weeks. I enjoyed them much more once they were sleeping through the night and taking naps. The beginning is extremely hard for any parent of a newborn, forget about 2 newborns. So please know how your feeling is completely normal.

Re: frustration

many, many hugs to you.

it is extremely hard to raise twins. mine have just turned 1 year and when i think back on this whirlwind of a year, i can't believe i survived it.

as for chores, i say don't worry so much. if i remember correctly you were planning on bfing. i don't know how that is going, but for me, it was really important to feed on demand and that meant very limited time for anything else. AND THAT'S OK!!

luckily my dh and my family really pitched in to make up for my limited time. do you have some support? we got many meals from friends and family and although enviromentally not too friendly, we used paper plates and cups for a while. not having to do constant dishes makes a big difference.

try to take a shower when dh is home, either at night or early morning.

i promise it will get better. i never thought i would have babies that took regular naps and slept through the night, but it really does happen.