Honestly

My friend is really upsetting me, she has said this to me more than once and I know she is trying to be nice We were talking about my m/c and trying again and how hard it is.... and she keeps saying dont worry I will be your surrogate mother, really I would. Honestly, it is so upsetting to me when she says that, I told her well, I hope it doesnt get to that point... she has had a m/c and it took her a year to conceive her first child, she should understand that this is really hurtful. After I hung up I was crying and all upset last night, especially since I cant get a stupid on the opk and i am cd18.... urgh..... just one of those days.

Message edited 9/26/2008 4:05:20 PM.

Re: Honestly

I'm sorry! You are right though, she doesn't mean it bad, I'm sure she is trying to be supportive.

You can tell her nice, but don't wait for her to say it again...You can say "you know, I've been thinking about something, I know you are only trying to support me and I appreciate that, but when we discuss ---fill in with her words ---, it hurts me...But stress to her that you know that she is not intentionally trying to hurt you.

Re: Honestly

Please- try not to let that hurt you. I am sorry you are so sad, and i've been there, but I am going to defend your friend.

She reallt, REALLY, is not saying it to be rude or hurtful (which you know) and is just showing you how much she loves and cares about you by offering that. I know nobody ever wants that, and hopes it never comes to that- but if God forbid it did, you would have an extremely selfless person who cares so much about you, right there to help you make your dream a reality. I think she is really just showing her support.

My sister and I have discussed her being my surrogate if I ever had to do that, and I know she would do it for me, and only me, in a heartbeat. That is an amazing feeling to know that she is determined for me to have a baby just as much as I am, and would do that for me if I needed her.

I know it's hard, but just let her know that you truely appreciate her selflessness, and if it ever comes to that- she'll be the first to know. But until that point, you would rather not even think about having to take that step.

good luck

Re: Honestly

Posted by JennyPenny

Please- try not to let that hurt you. I am sorry you are so sad, and i've been there, but I am going to defend your friend.

She reallt, REALLY, is not saying it to be rude or hurtful (which you know) and is just showing you how much she loves and cares about you by offering that. I know nobody ever wants that, and hopes it never comes to that- but if God forbid it did, you would have an extremely selfless person who cares so much about you, right there to help you make your dream a reality. I think she is really just showing her support.

My sister and I have discussed her being my surrogate if I ever had to do that, and I know she would do it for me, and only me, in a heartbeat. That is an amazing feeling to know that she is determined for me to have a baby just as much as I am, and would do that for me if I needed her.

I know it's hard, but just let her know that you truely appreciate her selflessness, and if it ever comes to that- she'll be the first to know. But until that point, you would rather not even think about having to take that step.

good luck

Re: Honestly

my friend has said that to me a couple of times. I know she means it and when you step back and think about it..it's an amazing offer to make to someone.

But I cringe whenever she says it. I want to carry my own baby.


just know that it's coming from a good place and let her know you appreciate the offer, but dont want to talk about that at this time.

Re: Honestly

I agree...that would upset me too!
I think that this is just one of those cases where people just say the STUPIDEST THINGS! I mean....really dumb!

I had similar experiences with people close to me saying the stupidist crap to make me feel better. More than anything else, its just annoying!
hmmmm....gives me an idea for a new thread.

Re: Honestly

Re: Honestly

Posted by Mikismom

Posted by when

I agree...that would upset me too!
I think that this is just one of those cases where people just say the STUPIDEST THINGS! I mean....really dumb!

Why is that a stupid thing to say? When my sister was having trouble, I told her the same thing and she was VERY appreciative...it did not come to that for her as she is pregnant with twins (after IVF)

but I do not think it is a stupid or dumb thing to say, I actually think it is very sweet and selfless

Re: Honestly

I know it hurts, but all you can do is take in the spirit in which it was said. She just wants to ease your pain.

But if it really bothers you, def. mention it to her. I am sure she'd want to know that she was hurting you.

Re: Honestly

Posted by Mikismom

Posted by when

I agree...that would upset me too!
I think that this is just one of those cases where people just say the STUPIDEST THINGS! I mean....really dumb!

Why is that a stupid thing to say? When my sister was having trouble, I told her the same thing and she was VERY appreciative...it did not come to that for her as she is pregnant with twins (after IVF)

but I do not think it is a stupid or dumb thing to say, I actually think it is very sweet and selfless