Punished - Keep from BM??

My SS lives with us FT and we expect him to have responsibilities, boundaries or else consequence. At BM's it's a free for all. He can do whatever he wants. SS is grounded for an F and for lying so, he's grounded right now indefinately. No out, no phone, no computer, no Wii. This weekend is his weekend to go to his BM's. But why should he be allowed to go there when he will be "ungrounded"??? She will not keep to our rules, she never has. So he's free to do all of the things that he isn't supposed to be doing. Can we keep him from going there while he is being punished? This has happend before and we kept him from going but, she freaks out telling him that we don't have the right to keep him since it's her weekend. But, when she did have custody of him she would keep him from DH until he paid CS. DH and BM do not speak. They were never married, she was a one night stand. He despises her. She put him through hell so he won't even talk to her. I don't agree with that and I really don't want to be involved b.c it's not my place but, for the sake of SS I text her when it's her weekend. I can't even have a civil relationship with her b/c she is a lier, phoney and a cheat. She will say yes to me then do the opposite. So, I will be the one to tell her NO. I have no problem telling her NO!!!

Message edited 3/11/2009 2:01:53 PM.

Re: Punished - Keep from BM??

The situation sucks, but if there is a CO in place, you can't change it. He has to go to BM. Not doing so can put your DH in contempt. A bad place to be if she is the type to go back to the courts.

She is the parent and has the choice to parent how she wants. You can tell her that he is punished and why, but you can't make her co-parent and follow through with it.

It's not easy being a stepmom and knowing what the right thing to do is while having your hands tied to actually do it.

Re: Punished - Keep from BM??

Posted by MrsSteflily

The situation sucks, but if there is a CO in place, you can't change it. He has to go to BM. Not doing so can put your DH in contempt. A bad place to be if she is the type to go back to the courts.

She is the parent and has the choice to parent how she wants. You can tell her that he is punished and why, but you can't make her co-parent and follow through with it.

It's not easy being a stepmom and knowing what the right thing to do is while having your hands tied to actually do it.

Re: Punished - Keep from BM??

We have this same problem when my kids go to XH. Unfortunately, the PP's are right. Plus, your feelings for her aside, from her perspective. She gets him only 4 days a month? She isn't going to want to spend that time punishing him.