Has this happened to you as a SM?

This morning, we were getting ready for work and SD was sitting in our bedroom as I was putting on my make up, FH was in the shower and SD said 'don't tell daddy but.......xyz' - Of course I just answered - what's going on? and she spilled her guts, it was something that I thought was serious enough to repeat to FH.. but I dont want to ruin her trust by him saying anything.. kwim? In these next few years I know trust is a BIG thing and I want her to feel comfortable coming to me with ANYTHING ... esp if its something really bad that we can fix, rather than her sweeping it under the rug...

Of course - I told FH what it was about and he is taking care of it in a round about way, but how do you handle these things? TIA

Re: Has this happened to you as a SM?

I am crashing b/c I am not a SM.

But we have a unique situation, my DH has three half siblings who are 18, 15 and 13, the two oldests are girls, then a boy. Their father (DHs dad as well) is deceased, so we've always played a big role in their lives.

My SILs talk to me and treat me like I am their older sister and if it something I feel is not right or upsetting, I do take it to my SMIL and my DH. Actually, this relationship has worked very well for us through their teen years. I think they know I will "tell" on them, but sometimes, that is the hardest part, you know?

Re: Has this happened to you as a SM?

It hasn't happened yet, SS is too young for secrets to be really serious like this. But I am sure it will happen as he gets older and I would like to hear responses from other people too!

Re: Has this happened to you as a SM?

Yes. It has happened to me a few times. If it is something I think is serious, I do tell DH, but I make him promise not to bring it up or I encourage SK to tell DH themselves and assure them he wont get mad and I will be there "to defend them". I think it is important to encourage communication between everyone.

Re: Has this happened to you as a SM?

Re: Has this happened to you as a SM?

I tell DH. I have too. It wouldn't be right to keep it from him. He's relieved that SS will at least come to me to talk about something b/c as you know teenagers don't talk to anyone!!! I have to stress to DH that he cannot let SS know that he knows otherwise it will break our trust and he knows that thats very important to me.

Whatever the situation is, DH trusts my judgement and knows that I would give him the best advice so I handle it myself and give DH updates.

Re: Has this happened to you as a SM?

i always let them know before they say anything that i might have to tell their dad. a lot of the time they come to me so that i do tell dh and he hears it from me instead. that way they don't get blown up at right away and dh has time to calm down before he talks to them about it.

Re: Has this happened to you as a SM?

it has been more recent than anything .. but its nothing toooo serious - its more about what goes on at BMs house with BM, SD and her SF - nothing TOO serious, but serious enough that it needs to be repeated.. KWIM? Thanks for the help - atleast I will know how to handle it from here on :)

Re: Has this happened to you as a SM?

It has happened on a few occasions and I make sure that both my SD and SS know that both myself and DH are a parental unit..together. We don't keep anything from each other. That being said, if she or he confides in me, I do my ultimate best to make sure that DH doesn't flip out or react in a negative way.

This way, they see me as a buffer but still know that I won't take sides and neither will DH. We feel that this is the healthiest way for them. They have enough friends, we're the parents.

Re: Has this happened to you as a SM?

It depends. Lots of times she will confide in me about traumatic girl b.s. stuff going on at school, which days I can recall oh-so-clearly (I'm sure you can all relate to that) so I just try to advise her the best I can b/c I know that DH can't relate. Stuff that she tells me in confidence about BM or things I think he needs to know about, I tell him but I also tell him she told me in confidence so he knows how to deal with it.

Re: Has this happened to you as a SM?

She's never said to me "don't tell my dad" but there are things that she's said to me that she just didn't feel comfortable saying to DH, or even her bio-mom. I've told her many times that she can talk to me about anything. Usually it's "girl stuff" and we think it's because I'm not her biological parent, so maybe she sees me as a big-sister-figure to confide in sometimes. I also think it has to do with the fact that I'm younger; I tell her how it wasn't that long ago that I was in her shoes and maybe she sees me as more relateable.

If she tells me something that I think DH needs to know then I wait to see if she's going to bring it up to him, like at the dinner table or when they're doing something together. If she doesn't then I'll mention it to him in private and he'll discuss with BM how they want to handle. She's 12 now and in that rough tween stage; we haven't had anything really major yet but as she becomes a teenager and starts going to HS I know things are going to get harder. I'd like to keep the trust strong between us but not at the expense of her well-being. I'm an adult and we can be friends, but I'm her parent first.