My mom needs to improve her bedside manner

So I told my mom last night that this was most likely another m/c. And she responded by telling me that "at least it didn't happen later in the PG" and that I would "have another baby".

She really said this because she somehow thinks thats what you say to make someone feel better. There was nothing melicious about it. But seriously, it's difficult no matter when you loose the baby and I wanted this baby not another baby. I am feeling a sadness beyond anything I have ever experienced.

Do you think that I should send her the "What not to say" list?

Re: My mom needs to improve her bedside manner

That is exactly what my father has said to me. I know he didnt mean it in an insensitive way but t me it just sounds so material when you put it like that. I mean we are talking about a baby after all

Im sure neither of our parents meant to upset us by it

Re: My mom needs to improve her bedside manner

I think sometimes people just don;t know what to say...and put their foot in their mouths some time.

It def doesn't matter when it happens. IT is still the same emotions you go through when you have any loss.



Sorry!

Re: My mom needs to improve her bedside manner

I think that if you are comfortable you should talk to your mom and tell her that saying things like that doesn't help...or make the situation better...

You need to grieve and no matter when or how your m/c its still an extremely sad thing.

I honestly think unless you went through it you can't fully understand how someone feels. That's why this board is so great.

Re: My mom needs to improve her bedside manner

I honestly don't think that people understand how to respond to these kinds of situations. When it happened to me, my family almost seemed to treat it as though it didn't happen. They called to see if I was ok, (we live far away from each other) but that was it. What made me REALLY fume was that almost all of them made a stupid comment of "Well, were you REALLY pregnant?" I think my mom had said something to them to the affect of me just getting a false positive on my HPT, and that made everybody else (my sister and dad) feel the need to make a comment about it to me. I totally flipped out on them. do NOT belittle what happened and make it seem as though i'm the idiot who doesn't know the difference between being pregnant and not. I was almost 5 wks when I m/c. Yes - i was pregnant! So that really got me. How i handled it though later on was I just wrote my mom an email and told her exactly how I felt. I explained what it feels like to lose a baby no matter how far along you are and what emotional pain I was in. She hadn't realized and her entire attitude changed after that. I think that's all we needed - communication.

Re: My mom needs to improve her bedside manner

I completely agree with everyone. No one knows what to say in these situation. I am the first in my family and circle of friends that has had a m/c therefore they are treating me as though I am sick with the flu. They are trying to be supportive but they have no idea how it feels to see your baby on a sonogram and then having it gone in a blink of an eye. I keep getting "you are still young" and "eventually you will have your own baby" and "thank god it was in the first trimester". My in-laws have not even reached out to me with the second m/c. Not only are we dealing with a loss but we have to deal with comments that challenge our feelings.

Re: My mom needs to improve her bedside manner

What is it with mom's? My mom likes to tell me its because I stress too much and if I "RELAX" it will be OK

Re: My mom needs to improve her bedside manner

I think we could all help you come up with that list! No one knows what to say unless they've been through and even then it's hard. The situation sucks and it sucks that so many people are going through it.

When I first found out, I tried to be patient with people and tell them that their comments weren't helping but it didn't change anything. If you feel your mom will be receptive and you would feel better getting it off your chest, then do it.

Re: My mom needs to improve her bedside manner

Ugh...my mom said things like that too. I think that they are trying to be supportive, and really just don't know what to say.

Re: My mom needs to improve her bedside manner

Ugh...I'm sorry I definitely think people sometimes don't know what to say, and say things that they *think* will make you feel better.

Re: My mom needs to improve her bedside manner

Thia

I think that older generation women were never really allowed to think about their bodies, talk about their bodies, etc, and anything that happened in their bodies was taboo. This generation is more in touch with intangible things that older generations can't relate to.

My mom had a m/c when I was 11, and it was never discussed. I don;t think ever saw her mourn. It just wasn't done. My gma (the one that just died) gave birth to a stillborn. She maybe talked about it one time with me, and that was when I was bitcching about my life. I'm not excusing your mom (you know I love her) but that generation has difficulty with stuff like this overall....

I'm so sorry