Need opinions/advice... Taking Stepkids to the Dentist

My step sons have NEVER been to the dentist. They are almost 13 and 10. BM has physical cutody and DH has visitation and they have joint legal custody. Both kids are under DH's insurance. Since I've been in the picture, going on 7 years, I've been apalled that they have never been to the dentist. They had some cavities in their baby teeth, but now they have their adult teeth and they could possibly have cavities too. DH has talked to her about taking them in the past, YEARS ago, and her answer was, I don't have time to take them to the dentist. (She also doesn't have time to take them to religious instruction and one made his communio late and the other not at all... they haven't gone to religous instructions in years. Younger SS won't make his communio and older SS won't make his confirmation. Yet she had "time" to enroll them in several sports in the last year.)

Anyway, DH also said he should just take them to the dentist. He's a man, and can't make an appointment for himself, let alone his kids. Now we have our DS together and the time has come for me to take my son to the dentist. DH asked me if I could make appt. for all three of them. I did. It's coming up week of Christmas break when we have the boys. He didn't tell BM yet. He's going to tell her after we get them for break, because he's afraid she'll say oh, I was going to take them and then he'll have to reimburse her for what she pays out of pocket and he's sure she will find a way to forge the amount. etc.

I'm totally stressed about this. Is there any reason why she would object to us taking them? He is their father, it is his insurance.

The boys are terrified of going to the dentist (we didn't tell them yet either..) and I'm also afraid they are going to make a huge deal and that will ruin DS's first dentist experience too (at the impressionable age of 2 1/2).

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Re: Need opinions/advice... Taking Stepkids to the Dentist

Posted by cgdg61606

My step sons have NEVER been to the dentist. They are almost 13 and 10. BM has physical cutody and DH has visitation and they have joint legal custody. Both kids are under DH's insurance. Since I've been in the picture, going on 7 years, I've been apalled that they have never been to the dentist. They had some cavities in their baby teeth, but now they have their adult teeth and they could possibly have cavities too. DH has talked to her about taking them in the past, YEARS ago, and her answer was, I don't have time to take them to the dentist. (She also doesn't have time to take them to religious instruction and one made his communio late and the other not at all... they haven't gone to religous instructions in years. Younger SS won't make his communio and older SS won't make his confirmation. Yet she had "time" to enroll them in several sports in the last year.)

Anyway, DH also said he should just take them to the dentist. He's a man, and can't make an appointment for himself, let alone his kids. Now we have our DS together and the time has come for me to take my son to the dentist. DH asked me if I could make appt. for all three of them. I did. It's coming up week of Christmas break when we have the boys. He didn't tell BM yet. He's going to tell her after we get them for break, because he's afraid she'll say oh, I was going to take them and then he'll have to reimburse her for what she pays out of pocket and he's sure she will find a way to forge the amount. etc.

I'm totally stressed about this. Is there any reason why she would object to us taking them? He is their father, it is his insurance.

The boys are terrified of going to the dentist (we didn't tell them yet either..) and I'm also afraid they are going to make a huge deal and that will ruin DS's first dentist experience too (at the impressionable age of 2 1/2).

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Message edited 12/22/2009 3:10:07 PM.

Re: Need opinions/advice... Taking Stepkids to the Dentist

Thank you!

He was going to tell BM after we got the boys for Christmas break, so he was giving her the "courtesy" of telling her, but after we had them in our house and she couldn't race them off to the dentist (or a friend who could fake a bill)...

I just want to handle this the best way possible...

Re: Need opinions/advice... Taking Stepkids to the Dentist

It sounds like you and DH have things under control. It's his insurance so I can't see BM having any problem with you guys taking their sons to the dentist. Hopefully BM will be relieved that it's being taken care of, not that you're doing this to help her out. How nice that all 3 of the kids will be going to the dentist together as a family!! Maybe try to make it special with a nice meal afterwards and some fun activities they can look forward to so they won't feel so much anxiety about the appointment.

As for their religious education, they can finish their sacraments at any age. Sometimes it's better to receive them later anyway, when they want to do it for themselves and not because someone's making them.

Re: Need opinions/advice... Taking Stepkids to the Dentist

Posted by imthecindyofcindyandkevin

It sounds like you and DH have things under control. It's his insurance so I can't see BM having any problem with you guys taking their sons to the dentist. Hopefully BM will be relieved that it's being taken care of, not that you're doing this to help her out. How nice that all 3 of the kids will be going to the dentist together as a family!! Maybe try to make it special with a nice meal afterwards and some fun activities they can look forward to so they won't feel so much anxiety about the appointment.

As for their religious education, they can finish their sacraments at any age. Sometimes it's better to receive them later anyway, when they want to do it for themselves and not because someone's making them.

Re: Need opinions/advice... Taking Stepkids to the Dentist

I think a family outing afterwards is a great idea and a good incentive for them.

Also, I wouldn't tell BM about the dentist until the boys go back to her and it is already done. He doesn't owe her the courtesy of letting her know when she has never taken them to the dentist in the first place.

I don't get it, my DH had to handle all SD dental appts too b/c BM was just too lazy.

Good luck...I am sure it will all be fine.