1st day back at work... not going well...and it gets worse

The whole commute in was AWFUL!! I felt more and more suffocated as I got closer and closer to my job. Held back tears most of the way.

By the time I got to my job I had to run into the bathroom because I had a breakdown and hyperventilated while uncontrollably sobbing.

I left the bathroom, got a drink of water and tried to make it to my desk.... while sniffling super loud (trying not to) and holding back more tears. I then sat at my desk and cried pretty much uncontrollably for about an hour and a half.

I stole the entire box of tissues off my coworkers desk.
I'm still crying but more controlled crying.

I just don't feel ready yet. I feel suffocated here. I feel stuck and like I can't breathe and I'm suffocating.

This is normal right? I'm thinking not. I just REALLY REALLY want to leave and go home and sit and just sit. I look like an ABSOLUTE mess. I probably sound like an absolute mess too!!

EDIT:
So at least all morning that I sat here like a mess I was at my desk where no one can see my puffy eyes or my nose blowing or any of me looking like a real mess. Now my coworker asks me to cover her class!! For something she could do in the classroom. So now I have to present my messy looking self to a roomful of people and act functional. Oh and I took a valium to calm me down so now I'll look like a mess and be slow and stupid. GREAT!! Thanks!! This girl saw me... she's the one who's box of tissues I stole. I can't even believe she asked me to do this today. Normally I'd have NO PROBLEM helping anyone out... but I'm ready to run out of here (just because I'm such a mess all day) and today is just not the day to ask me. I should have just left at 9am when I was hyperventilating in the bathroom. But I'll do it. You can't really say no around here.

Message edited 1/26/2010 5:20:57 PM.

Re: 1st day back at work... not going well...

I sent you FM hun!!!


I am right there with you, having one of those days too!

Re: 1st day back at work... not going well...and it gets worse

Hang in there. The first day back at work is very hard... it will get better!

Re: 1st day back at work... not going well...and it gets worse

Im so sorry you are going through this!!

I know exactly how you feel; my first day back was TERRIBLE. I started crying before I even got out of my car.

I HATED my job and my bosses were NOT SYMPATHETIC at all to my situation so I ended up quitting Hopefully your job and co-workers are more understanding and they can help make it easier for you!!

Re: 1st day back at work... not going well...and it gets worse

My first day back at school was the first day after vacation so I was twice as bummed... the second I walked into the building I cried hysterically. I am not even sure what triggered it.. sometime emotionally we think we are ready but we aren't and things remind us of what was or wasn't... the best thing I did was cry and then laugh that I was always crying and now I never forget how bad I felt or why I just focus on how I can feel excited. I also made some bad jokes at my own expense like how now my boobs although big will return to their normal size.. or that August was the worst month for me as a teacher to have a baby since I would get paid nothing for leave, I now had no excuse to eat that cookie LOL etc...

Re: 1st day back at work... not going well...and it gets worse

aw my frist day back was similar...as I read your story It brought it back...at lest you had a cubicle i was out on an open floor..

Its totally normal and will get better...sort of like you needed to do that.. it will get better

Re: 1st day back at work... not going well...and it gets worse

Hang in there
Just know that at some point, we have all been there. Sorry that you had to be at work too. Just do the best you can, thats all. Crying for me is healing. I've had many well-needed breakdowns and for some reason I feel better the next day. Remember to breathe.

Re: 1st day back at work... not going well...and it gets worse

I'm so sorry...hang in there. I was lucky I work from home so I took all the time I needed. I am sure it's hard when you have to go so you dont' lose your days....

Re: 1st day back at work... not going well...and it gets worse