I feel awkward posting here but . . .

I had a confirmed positive pregnancy. I am currently miscarrying.

Since December we were "trying without trying", no temping, no OPK, no BCP, nothing. Just going off of when I'd probably be O'ing. No luck.

We've been actively trying (with OPK) for 1 month, and AF was 1 week late when I started having brown spotting and clumpy discharge (sorry if TMI). I went to Ob/Gyn on Wednesday, the in office test was very faint, they took blood, gave me a slip to have blood taken again on Fri, and to get a sono done and was advised to call if anything changes. When I got home, I took a HPT and it said "Pregnant".

I called the office Fri to find out results of blood test. Was told it was positive, but low (beta 21). I would have to wait til Monday for the #s from Friday's blood.

All was okay, until yesterday. In the morning, I had pink spotting and two small blood clots when I wiped. I wore a pad the rest of the day, but had nothing significant.

Last night, I had full on bright red when I wiped and been wearing my AF pads (super ones) since.

I called the Ob/Gyn emergency # (DH made me, tho I felt stupid) and the on-call Dr said (very blase) that I was likely miscarrying. It was very early on, and while no D&C would be necessary, if bleeding or pain became worse, I could goto the ER, if I wanted to.

I'm upset, b/c it would be different if I didn't know it was a positive based on the Beta. If I had not had a positive HPT. Then it would just be a late AF. The last 5-6 cycles have been 28-30 days.

I feel like the 3 ppl who knew are just brushing it under the rug. Almost like, "okay, so move on and try next month." I want to, but I want time to "heal" emotionally too. I want time to grasp what just occurred.

I've never had a miscarriage before.

I'm 36 yrs old (will be 37 in Dec).

We have not TTC'd in 5 yrs (DS is 4).

I was a surrogate for my SIL (DH's sister) using her egg (she was 30 at the time) and her DH's sperm. So I was on meds to suppress my egg production, who knows if or how that effected me.

This is all circling in my head.

I was supposed to go for a sono tomorrow, not going. I will keep my follow up appt with my Dr for Wed and talk with him.

Sorry for "crashing" but I am not sure where else to go with this.



***********UPDATE***********
Thank you all so much for your support and kind words.

I went to my Dr last night for a f/u. The damn nurse said "You know you're pregnant right?" TO which I tell her what happened over the weekend. I also tell her how I called the office THREE times on Monday to find out the #s from Friday (with a SMALL glimmer of hope) but no one called me back. She said "We'll do a sono to make sure" So next thing I know I'm getting a sono to confirm what I already know.

I had to ask her AGAIN for the #s from Friday. She never told me, just came in the room for a second and shook her head no.

The doctor finally came in - he said the #s went from 21 (Wed) to 8 (Fri). The sonon confirmed that there was nothing there, but everything anatomy-wise looked good. He said I should expect AF in 2-4 wks, then I can start TTCing again.

MORE WAITING!!!!

I don't want to wait, but I will. . . impatiently, but I'll wait. . .

Again, thank you ALL for the support here. It really means alot.

Message edited 7/21/2011 9:40:04 AM.

Re: I feel awkward posting here but . . .

I'm sorry you're going through this...and don't feel awkward. A loss is a loss no matter how far along it was. As soon as you get that positive test there's a connection to that pregnancy.

Take the time you need -- and if you need somewhere to go this board has been a tremendous help for me these last 8 weeks.

Re: I feel awkward posting here but . . .

I am so sorry for your loss.

It may not have been long but you are absolutely right - you saw the "Pregnant" and were told by a doctor's office that you were pregnant. This was a baby you were hoping to have so you have every right to feel the way you do.

Re: I feel awkward posting here but . . .

I'm so sorry. In May, I too had an early loss. I found it so hard to deal with. The comments, the fears, the questions, the wondering what could have been. I was so sad about it. The only advice I have is to give yourself time and let yourself grieve. It is a loss no matter how early. Use this board for support and do not feel awkward at all.

Re: I feel awkward posting here but . . .

I am so sorry this is happening to you You are always welcomed here...it doesnt matter if you were pregnant 2 days or 2 months...a loss is a loss and the pain that comes along with it is horrible. If you have any questions feel free to ask, we are all here for you. Just know that time will heal...and I must applaud you for what you did for your SIL. What a wonderful gift to give someone. You are an amazing woman.

Re: I feel awkward posting here but . . .

Thank you all for the kind words. I just find it difficult to hear ppl (not here) tell me "It was early", "You shouldn't test so early", that only makes me feel worse, and like I shouldn't even acknowledge that I was pregnant.

A friend at work asked me if I was okay, b/c I've been quiet today (just b/c I'm uncomfortable and in pain from cramping) and I blurted it out. She said "How do you know you were PG?" And then goes on to compare me to our other friend's DIL who wasn't even late for her period, took a PG test which was + and then got her period a day later. She says "You shouldnt even test if youre not late"

I ended the converstaion quickly b/c I'm in such a foul mood to begin with, I dont want to be nasty to ppl just because.

I just want to talk with my Dr and proceed.

Like is this my period? Will (or should) I ovulate as "normal"?

I've never had a MC before.

Re: I feel awkward posting here but . . .

Re: I feel awkward posting here but . . .

Re: I feel awkward posting here but . . .

I'm so sorry for your loss. You shouldn't feel awkward at all. Same thing happened to me my beats stopped rising and was told the pregnancy wasnt healthy, I miscarried 4 days later. A loss is a loss imo. You have the right to grieve. The ladies on this board are very supportive.

Re: I feel awkward posting here but . . .

First of all, you are not crashing! You belong here. I know it feels weird because it was so early. I had a chemical ( I HATE that term) in March. BFP on a Friday, miscarriage Monday. I felt stupid considering it a miscarriage, but I was absolutely DEVASTATED. The ladies on this board are so supportive and helpful--come on here and post as much as you need to.

We're still TTC--actually starting IVF this week--and I can say that the pain of the miscarriage is much easier to bear now, although I still have moments when I think of how far along I would be now....

Please take care of yourself, pamper yourself and rest for as long as you feel you need. My drs. were insensitive too, I say ignore those jerks!!!

Many and to you. Hopefully we'll be chatting soon on the pg board together!

Re: I feel awkward posting here but . . .

I have literally been in your shoes and know how you feel. DO NOT let anyone brush this under the rug, it's hard. Sending lots of hugs. You will feel better soon but give yourself some time to be sad and 'get over it.'

Re: I feel awkward posting here but . . .

I am so sorry you are going through this!! Shame on those 3 people who are just brushing it under the rug! They can be a little bit more supportive! They should put themselves in your shoes!! You have much love and support from all us girls here! And we are on your side and are your support group!!!!

Re: I feel awkward posting here but . . .

I'm sorry.

Re: I feel awkward posting here but . . .

Oh no I'm so very sorry for your loss. This board helped me a lot when I had my early loss.

Re: I feel awkward posting here but . . .

Updated in original post. I went to DR for a f/u

Re: I feel awkward posting here but . . .

Sorry you had to go through that with the nurse. They should really look at everything before they say something. Glad that the sono was good though and everything is ok. I went through this the first time around and had to hear the sono tech going on about how common it was for a 1st pregnancy. I wanted to say can you please just stop talking. I think that some people think they're helping, but there's nothing you can really say to make someone feel better during a loss. Praying that you get another BFP and a healthy pregnancy soon!!

Re: I feel awkward posting here but . . .

I'm so sorry. I had a chemical pregnancy a little over a year ago. The only reason I took a HPT was because I was going to the dentist the next day and wanted to make sure before they filled my cavities that I wasn't pregnant. I was on anti-anxiety meds at the time, so I went off them cold turkey and wound up having HORRIBLE withdrawal symptoms which I chalked up to being pregnant. When I found out by taking another HPT that came back negative, I was a hysterical mess. My Dr.'s office made me feel horrible through the entire process, never called me back to give me test results, didn't tell me that the test came back negative until I told them I had tested again, etc.

It's a loss no matter how small.

Re: I feel awkward posting here but . . .

I'm sorry for your loss!

And what an amazing thing, being a surrogate for your SIL! You're a wonderful person to help them become parents.

Message edited 7/22/2011 11:00:58 PM.

Re: I feel awkward posting here but . . .

So sorry for your loss and I always pray for everyone on this board for better days ahead. You are a wonderful person to surrogate for your family and I know your time will come very soon. Just stay positive and keep going!