Encouraging Independence?

DS is almost 4, but he refuses to do things on his own frequently, things like get dressed, pull up his pants, wash his hands, or walk by himself. Lately every time we walk across a parking lot or going upstairs or down in the morning and at night, he wants to be carried. He will not walk on the bus if I am there, but the matron (new one) says he does just fine in the afternoon. Often the things he digs in his heels about involve a time element, and he seems to know we'll wind up doing it to move things along. Which is not good, because he is getting the message over and over that he can make a fuss and get his way.

Any suggestions on how to handle this? The morning Is particularly a problem. I think he would love to miss the bus or miss school, but neither are good options. Or should I let the mornings go for now and encourage more self care on weekends and evenings?

TIA!

Re: Encouraging Independence?

Why do something if you know mommy will do it? Talk to his school and ask them what he does independently there. I was surprised when daycare and school would tell me DS would do certain things there that he refused to do at home. I thought he couldn't do them, but it turns out he was just refusing to do them for me and DH.

I would do whatever you have to do to get out of the house and on the bus in the morning. We have been working on putting on shoes and socks. I make him do it more often on the weekends, or if we have the time in the morning. I am not going to make myself crazy doing this kind of stuff if it means he will miss the bus and I will have to drive him to school. That just introduces a whole other level of stress that I don't need.

Re: Encouraging Independence?

Oh, I have, and he is pretty good at both schools--he will pull up his own pants, wash hands, clean up, walk by himself, etc. So yes, it's definitely a "Mommy do it for me" thing and less a question of being unable to do it. He cannot put on his socks and shirt by himself, but everything else he can do. I got angry with him about all the carrying he insisted upon yesterday morning, and that evening, he was such a helper. He opened doors by himself, helped me carry things, etc. He knew he had gone too far, and was trying to make up for it.

But you are right, I probably need to pick my battles, so mornings are probably not a good time to push independence, esp. weekday mornings. I would hope eventually he will want to do more things on his own throughout the day in time.

At school they also use a reward chart for good things the kids do, they get stars and when they get a certain number, he gets a little prize. Maybe we should do the same here? I tried it awhile ago, but I don't think he understood how it worked at the time.