Having more children after diagnosis, would you mind sharing your feelings about it?

DS is almost 3, just got his spectrum diagnosis. We have an almost 10 month old DS who I now watch like a hawk for red flags, though he is an entirely different baby than DS1 ever was, I see that now.

Anyway, DH and I have always been on the fence about having a 3rd, though leaning towards doing it. Now, assuming there are genetic/biological components to this, we're torn. And now, not until discussing *not* having #3 for this reason, I realize how much I really did, or do, want a 3rd. Like really really want. I don't feel our family is complete yet...I really don't. And my heart is breaking yet again.

But now with the risks. Yes I realize nothing is ever guaranteed and even if DS1 was completely typical who knows what another child could bring....but now that there could be greater probabilities of something, what do we do?? I'm not getting any younger, which adds to probabilities....I turned 35 last month so I'd want to/need to do it sooner than later. DH turned 37 this year as well.

I realize I should be focusing on one thing at a time considering DS just got his diagnosis, but time is not on my side and I feel like I really need to figure this out. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this...help me sort out my feelilngs maybe.... TIA.

Re: Having more children after diagnosis, would you mind sharing your feelings about it?

these were my feelings for #2.

i knew DS was "off" at 6 months old... by a year i was 100% sure... but i knew i wanted 2, as did my DH so, we said whatever happens happens.

DS was "officially" DXed at 18 months. he started EI at 15 months old.

they are 23 months apart and i still watch her like a hawk. she was evaluated for spec ed and speech starting at 1 years old and at 22 months we stopped the evals. (i had someone come out every 3 month)

i still worry, because she is way advanced for her age, but there is really nothing i can do till she starts K.

its a personal decision, but i didnt care either way!

Re: Having more children after diagnosis, would you mind sharing your feelings about it?

My opinion, I wouldn't let it stop me. I have 6 boys, 12-tp, 10-tp, 7-ASD, 3-PDD, 2 tp, 1-tp so far. It scares me because I am all over the baby but ya know what if someone asked would you have another I wouldn't let the "autism" stop me. It's scary I know but go with your heart.

Re: Having more children after diagnosis, would you mind sharing your feelings about it?

PS I LOVE your cat! Everytime I see your pic I saw awwww

Re: Having more children after diagnosis, would you mind sharing your feelings about it?

I think you need to do what feels right for you and your DH. Whatever I say (or anyone says) on here applies to our own situations, but yours differs, so only you know what's best. Not that it makes the decision any easier.

As for us, we're done, but we pretty much knew that before DS was diagnosed with a special need. I was 40 when DS was born, so we were never sure of having more than one child, then both DH and I had health issues pop up as well. Mine is under decent control now, but it could get worse if I ever got pregnant so that was it for us.

Another factor for me would be the genetic history of both families. DH and I think there is mild autism or Aspergers possibly in his family, my family none, but there are a few people with seizure disorders, so it doesn't seem that unusual that DSs brain wiring is off (I hope that doesn't sound harsh, I just don't know how else to put it). But if there was no family history, I would be less concerned about genetic risk.

Good luck--if you give yourself a little time to think, I'm sure you'll make the right choice for your family.

Re: Having more children after diagnosis, would you mind sharing your feelings about it?

Re: Having more children after diagnosis, would you mind sharing your feelings about it?

DS was diagnosed 1 month after I had a m/c and we were about to try TTC again.

In a sense I was happy I did not have another child when I had to deal with a toddler diagnosed with autism.

Needless to say, we gave ourselves 6 months to rethink. Then 6 months turned into let's wait another 6 months. I guess we were still waiting for a miracle that DS would be "cured".

After toying on and off with the adoption option, we finally decided to TTC again.

We really hope our next child is a girl since the chances are much lower for PDD than with another boy.

Only time will tell!!!! DS was diagnosed almost 3 years ago. We def. took our time deciding.

DS is very challenging! The issue is not having another child but having another child with SN.

Message edited 11/16/2011 7:04:18 PM.

Re: Having more children after diagnosis, would you mind sharing your feelings about it?

Well I was pregnant with my second son when my first son was diagnosed pdd-nos.

My second son has developed beautifully, no issues at all. He is 2.5 They are the best of friends, play games together all day ...

I will go for a third at some point. I leave it in gods hands.

I know people who had 3 typical children followed by a child with special needs. Another friend of mine has 4 boys, only the first is special needs.

It's prob a bit easier for me to feel this way b/c my sons issues are not severe and he functions pretty much typically now at 5 years old. Its a scary thought to think of going through everything again, believe me, i've been there. But we figured that we could get through whatever was given to us..and for baby #3 i'll take that chance again.

Good luck

Re: Having more children after diagnosis, would you mind sharing your feelings about it?

I am pregnant with our 2nd and was in the very few weeks when we had DS evaluated. I could have written AJandCJsMommy's post almost verbatim.

DS#1 and DS#2 will be 26 months apart in age. I knew someone was "off" with DS at 6 months and brought him for free consultations for speech at 9 months, 12 months and 15 months. He was DXed at 18 months with PDD-NOS and started EI (ABA, Speech and OT) at 19 months. He is 23 months old today and has grown leaps and bounds. He is babbling now. I hear Mama and I want to cry with joy.

DS#2 wasn't planning but I already told DH we are having him evaluated by 12 months old if I feel the same way I did with DS#1. I should have listened to my gut and not everyone around me.

DS #1 didn't have any impact on our decision for DS#2. We knew we wanted 2-3 kids.

Message edited 11/29/2011 8:43:51 AM.