How do you handle this type of thing?

DD is in kindergarten and I got an email from her teacher today about something that happened in class.

Long story short another mom was in there doing a craft and according to the teacher when DD was finished with the craft she said she was bored and this is boring. To which the teacher looked at her disapprovingly ( these are the teachers own words) and DD said " Oh Mrs..XXX does not look happy with me" or something like that.

The teacher pulled DD aside and told her she had hurt her feelings and the feelings of the mom who had come to class to do the craft and DD said sorry and looked like she was going to cry.

DD didn't say anything when I picked her up and when I read the email I tried to pry the information gently out of DD but she was not giving it up so I basically told her what the teacher had said and asked her...she of course said she just said she was done and not bored.

So I told her when we go to school tomorrow she has to apologise to her teacher for hurting her feelings and I contacted the mom to apologise on DD's behalf. I also suggested that if it happens again that she is finished before the others that she raises her hand and tells the teacher she is done any maybe she could help one of the other kids. DD thought that was a good idea but then said she was done with another project last week and she told the teacher and the teacher told her to just sit back and relax.

What do you guys think? should I be handling it differently and how should I be responding to the teacher about this? I have to email her tonight.

Thanks

Re: How do you handle this type of thing?

Unless I am missing something, I think the teacher is making a big to do over nothing. She hurt her feelings by saying she was bored? Children say far worse things then that. Based on what you wrote, I dont see that worthy of an email or a phone call to you. Couldnt she handle that within the classroom? I agree that now that you know, you have to do something about it. I would talk to your dd like you did and respond to the teacher saying you talked to your dd and your appologize for her behavior. The end.

Re: How do you handle this type of thing?

Thanks PrincessP and this is why I love this board as sometimes you need an outside point of view.

To be quite honest when I read the email from the teacher my first reaction was to read it again, and again and again as I thought I was missing something but I wasn't ...she even gave me her cell phone number and gave me times she would be free to speak with me about this as well as saying she would be in school early tomorrow morning if I wanted to come in and discuss this with her!!

I did ask DD again tonight in bed about what happened and she insisted that did not say she was bored but she said she was done....I thought she was just telling me that to cover her tracks but I have just opened a message from the mom who was in the class and she said that DD just told her that she was done and she seemed to want direction as to what to do with the craft next - the mom said that DD was really into the craft, was very excited about it and was a sweet little girl and she had no idea what the teacher was speaking about.....

Lord above and its only kindergarten

I dont want to get into a he said ...she said with the teacher but who do I believe? the mom and my DD or the teacher?

Message edited 12/14/2011 10:15:20 PM.

Re: How do you handle this type of thing?

Obviously, she did not just say she was done. The mother probably missed her other comment. No teacher wants to spend extra time e-mailing a mother, just too busy unless its really warranted. I think the teacher e-mailed you to explain to you what happened in case our dd came home upset...not for any other reason.

Re: How do you handle this type of thing?

I would have made my kids apologize & explain why it was wrong.

I'd remind them of the 3 things to think about before they speak:
Is it nice?
Is it true?
Is it necessary?

Then I would talk to the teacher alone about giving the children activities once they're done. There is no reason for a child to be sitting around for a long period of time waiting for everyone else. Even if she has paper to doodle on. not drawing a picture because than your DD is going to get started on a picture that she may want to finish.

Re: How do you handle this type of thing?

Hmmmm, I really think the teacher is overreacting over something so petty.

Re: How do you handle this type of thing?

Re: How do you handle this type of thing?

Re: How do you handle this type of thing?

Message edited 12/15/2011 10:47:46 AM.

Re: How do you handle this type of thing?

I don't see that as a reason to email a parent at all. Kindergarteners are honest (usually lol) and sometimes it can be a little mean sounding. My DD says she is bored a lot and sometimes it sounds rude, but its not easy for her to sit around with nothing to do. I think you handled it well.

Re: How do you handle this type of thing?

Wow, I am really confused by this situation. I'm a class mom for my DS's kindergarten class and I've been in the classroom on 3 different occasions already this year helping the kids with a craft when they have holiday celebrations. I don't think I would have even noticed if a child commented that a craft was boring.

Also, I'm sure my DS has said at least SOMETHING so far this year where the teacher might have had to tell him it wasn't polite or nice to say it, but I've never had it reported to me by her. The teacher is seriously overreacting here.

Re: How do you handle this type of thing?

Re: How do you handle this type of thing?

IMO I think the teacher is overreacting. Yes, kids need to learn what to say but a "you hurt my feelings" is too much. I think she could have just say "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it". There are other situations where kids say things that can cause the answer to be "you hurt my feelings" and if you say that too often it can loose the meaning.

DS is 6 and he says that to me sometimes. My answer... "is there something you want to do? like read a book or xx" or my tough answer when I have provided him with lots of things to do "it is not my job to keep you entertained since I brought many things to you to play with".

Re: How do you handle this type of thing?

Re: How do you handle this type of thing?

This is why I hate email for these sorts of scenarios. I'm sure the teacher had a legitimate reason for emailing you (as others have said, we teachers really don't want to or have the time to contact parents for no reason!). I have a feeling the "true story" got lost in email translation.

I think you handled it perfectly. Nothing more needs to be said or done!

Re: How do you handle this type of thing?

Thanks for all your answers. DD gave her teacher a hug the next morning and said she was sorry for hurting her feelings and the teacher thanked her for that. I thanked her also for emailing me and she said "no problem I just thought it was something that happened that you should be made aware of" so i dont think there was anything else going on or else she would have said so there and then.

I guess like us all some people have different standards of what is acceptable and what is not and this is something that the teacher was not happy with so she pulled DD on it and let me know.

I am just happy that DD is generally a good kid as I guess this teacher doesn't take any nonsense from her kindergarteners.