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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Posting this here for your unique perspective. how would you feel about this?
one of my bestest in the world friends is getting married in Aruba in April. I am in the BP (bridesmaid). I have a 2 year old. (I also have a husband but that's a different matter  )
I love my friend. I am super excited for her and I want to be there for her so much. My husband and I decided that it would be best if I went alone. financially it would cost us too much to all fly there plus fly someone in to babysit.
so, I am leaving my 2-year-old for the first time to fly to Aruba. he is extremely attached to me.
everything that relates to my son tells me to be away for as little time as possible...leave early Friday morning and come back sunday afternoon. the weddding is on Saturday.
but everthing that relates to my friends feels like I am shorting her in some way..that I should go on Thursday.
I thought I was ok with this but my panic attack in the virtual checkout of Jet Blue is showing me that I am not.
this is not for work. it's for pleasure and it carries with it for me a particular guilt about leaving my son when he could be potentially miserable, especially at bed time, for 3 nights while I am off having margaritas and dancing on bars (though this will be so much fun LOL)
so, after longwindedness, how would you feel if you were my friend. my friend, b/c she is my friend, will understand, but that doesn't mean she may not be disappointed and I can understand that. I am just hoping you will all tell me she'll be too busy and excited to miss me the extra day
thanks, for the crash pass as well (if it's granted).
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Posted 1/12/12 5:00 PM  |
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cateyemm
Twins!
Member since 7/10 8027 total posts
Name:
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Re: Posting this here for your unique perspective. how would you feel about this?
If I were your friend, I'd understand your concerns and not impose my bridezilla-ness on you. Lets be real, it's already a huge imposition for you to fly to Aruba. When I had got married, I did not expect anyone (except my parents) to come. Those who did, I was pleased. Those who didnt, I understood. Everyone has their own shit to deal with and their lives dont stop on my day.
If she doesnt get it, then she might have her own problem. You have to do what's comfortable for you.
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| Posted 1/12/12 5:06 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Posting this here for your unique perspective. how would you feel about this?
My bridezilla days are not that far behind me... I would probably waver somewhere between understanding and thinking "Well, the baby's with his dad, what's one more night?" on top of feeling bad that your DH and DS wouldn't be coming.
ETA: As not a parent, I was also thinking "Well, it's just 3 nights, and he's 2 and won't remember it, but my wedding is once in a lifetime"
Message edited 1/12/2012 5:21:45 PM.
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| Posted 1/12/12 5:21 PM |
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ihilani
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/07 858 total posts
Name:
alias
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Re: Posting this here for your unique perspective. how would you feel about this?
Things to consider:
- are there wedding-related activities that you'll miss on TH or F morning if you're not there?
- is your friend already expecting you to go on TH?
- what are other guests/BP members doing?
- are there things you can do between now and April to get your son a bit more comfortable going to sleep without seeing you? It's a few nights. It will suck for DH or whoever is watching him and it will suck for a few days until he's back on schedule. But you'll all get through it. (ETA: I have little nieces and have seen my SIL need to be away from time to time for work, weddings and girls' weekends. This is the non-mom "experience" from which I speak.)
If you're not missing any important wedding-related activities, I say go later. You sound unhappy/anxious about the trip, so the more manageable it is for you, the better time you'll have and the better bridesmaid you'll be for your friend.
Message edited 1/12/2012 6:47:54 PM.
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| Posted 1/12/12 6:43 PM |
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peanutbutter2
Carpe diem!
Member since 11/10 5287 total posts
Name:
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Re: Posting this here for your unique perspective. how would you feel about this?
I would completely understand that you needed to do what was best for your son, because I have been in that situation. One of my BP members had a son who was two when we got married, and there were things that she was unable to participate in. To me, it was totally understandable.
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| Posted 1/12/12 7:14 PM |
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Mushesgirl
Too blessed to be stressed
Member since 4/09 6691 total posts
Name:
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Re: Posting this here for your unique perspective. how would you feel about this?
Posted by ihilani
Things to consider:
- are there wedding-related activities that you'll miss on TH or F morning if you're not there?
- is your friend already expecting you to go on TH?
- what are other guests/BP members doing?
- are there things you can do between now and April to get your son a bit more comfortable going to sleep without seeing you? It's a few nights. It will suck for DH or whoever is watching him and it will suck for a few days until he's back on schedule. But you'll all get through it. (ETA: I have little nieces and have seen my SIL need to be away from time to time for work, weddings and girls' weekends. This is the non-mom "experience" from which I speak.)
If you're not missing any important wedding-related activities, I say go later. You sound unhappy/anxious about the trip, so the more manageable it is for you, the better time you'll have and the better bridesmaid you'll be for your friend.
I had all the same questions thanks for saving me from typing on this stupid xoom.
If its going to cause you anxiety more than enjoyment i'd go later. Sounds like a blast
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| Posted 1/12/12 8:06 PM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Posting this here for your unique perspective. how would you feel about this?
Posted by ihilani
Things to consider:
- are there wedding-related activities that you'll miss on TH or F morning if you're not there?
- is your friend already expecting you to go on TH?
- what are other guests/BP members doing?
- are there things you can do between now and April to get your son a bit more comfortable going to sleep without seeing you? It's a few nights. It will suck for DH or whoever is watching him and it will suck for a few days until he's back on schedule. But you'll all get through it. (ETA: I have little nieces and have seen my SIL need to be away from time to time for work, weddings and girls' weekends. This is the non-mom "experience" from which I speak.)
If you're not missing any important wedding-related activities, I say go later. You sound unhappy/anxious about the trip, so the more manageable it is for you, the better time you'll have and the better bridesmaid you'll be for your friend.
the thing that i would miss most is time with just us girls. our other BFF just moved to Baton Rouge (she is also married with a 4 year old) and we haven't been together in a while. I don't think we'll be able to whisk her away from the rest of the peeps on Friday night, and although we are going to have a bachelorette for her here, it would just be so..."us" to kick up in the sand that one night before she ties the knot. she is the Last of the Mohicans if you will but other than that, I don't think there is anything planned. she is just not that way. she didn't even want a bridal party, and actually refuses to call us bridesmaids, even though we are all wearing the same dress.
 
I do know she was a little sad that my husband and son are not coming (until she realized that meant she had me all to herself).
I guess it could be worse...i could hate my friend and hate my kid and not know who to be away from more..
in my sad case, they are both equally awesome and deserving of all I can give them.
thank you. much to think about.
(btw, I am so not an experience snob. I raised my brothers and sisters. they don't have to be yours to know how they tick. you just have to care enough to find out)
Message edited 1/12/2012 9:00:01 PM.
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| Posted 1/12/12 8:59 PM |
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SusiBee
. . . . .
Member since 3/09 8268 total posts
Name:
S
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Re: Posting this here for your unique perspective. how would you feel about this?
If I were the bride, I would be understanding, but that's me. Not in my nature to be a bridezilla.
(1) it is asking a lot to have people travel out of the country for a wedding.
(2) it is asking a lot when people have children. arrangements have to be made for the children if they come or if they stay at home.
If you do decide to go, please enjoy and don't feel guilty for leaving DS at home. DH should be capable of taking care of your son for a few days and nights. Maybe before you go, daddy should start DS's bedtime routine so that DS has an easier time while you are dancing on bars or on the beach under the moonlight.
I would be torn about the extra day. Part of me would want to go, part of me would want to stay.
Alas I do not have children, but have experince being an auntie with many an overnight or weekend babysitting gig. Some tears at bedtime, but nothing so traumatizing to my nephew that he never slept over again and again.
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| Posted 1/13/12 10:17 AM |
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tourist
Member since 5/05 10425 total posts
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Re: Posting this here for your unique perspective. how would you feel about this?
Posted by Ophelia
I am just hoping you will all tell me she'll be too busy and excited to miss me the extra day
Honestly, this is what I was going to say. Even if asked her & she was being completely honest & said she wanted to to stay for as long as you could--when the wedding actually gets here, I am sure she will be busy & not have as much time to hang out as she thinks she will. The only reason I can think if to go early is if she is expecting you, and needs your help with stuff or is doing a rehearsal thursday. Just let her know ahead of time.
ETA-when I was 19 I was my couisn's MOH. She was getting married in California (where she lives) on Labor Day Weekend. The best man, his girlfriend, my brother & I were all in college. The best man & his GF started earlier in August, so they were able to talk to their professors & get time assignments, so they could come early.
My brother started after Labor Day, so he could have gone out early. My school of course, started the week before L abor Day, so I would have missed missed dorm move-in & the first week of classes.
So my brother didn't go early either & I was bummed that we couldn't hang out before the wedding like the best man & his GF did, but I left the second after my last Friday class & we spent as much time as we could together.
So, it's life, not just kids, that soemtimes gets in the way--people understand as long as you make an effort.
Message edited 1/13/2012 10:54:19 AM.
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| Posted 1/13/12 10:42 AM |
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KittyKatCopper
missing my handsome boy
Member since 3/09 1579 total posts
Name:
Kat - HamptonsBride (LIW)
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Re: Posting this here for your unique perspective. how would you feel about this?
I was the last of my friends to get married so by the time it was my turn everyone had kids...I never got a bachelorette party (not that i really wanted one at 34..haha) and ended up going to fittings alone at times...I understood they were all busy but I felt a bit forgotten and sad at times. I'm sure your friend will appreciate whatever time you can give her.
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| Posted 1/13/12 4:15 PM |
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MrsA1012
love my little girl !
Member since 9/10 5777 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Posting this here for your unique perspective. how would you feel about this?
If I were the bride I would be fine with it.
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| Posted 1/13/12 11:07 PM |
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seaside
LIF Adult
Member since 6/08 3101 total posts
Name:
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Re: Posting this here for your unique perspective. how would you feel about this?
I'd be more than fine with what you're doing. Most people get one "day." IMO, anyone (childless or not) asking anyone (childless or not) to give them a weekend in an exotic locale needs to understand that she is asking for a lot more than most do--and be grateful to anyone who even approximates what she wants.
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| Posted 1/14/12 8:27 AM |
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LiveItUp
Love my babies!
Member since 8/11 4096 total posts
Name:
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Re: Posting this here for your unique perspective. how would you feel about this?
If I were the bride I would completely understand. It's a lot to expect of people to travel for a wedding to begin with, but having young children would make it so much more difficult. I think you're being a great friend by even going at all! If I were you, I would go on Friday, leave on Sunday, like you planned, but just try to really be in the moment while you are there and focus on your friend as much as possible on her big day, knowing that your DS will be in good hands at home with your DH.
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| Posted 1/14/12 7:13 PM |
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PearlJamChick
No one sings like you anymore.
Member since 7/10 9264 total posts
Name:
Petticoated Swashbuckler
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Re: Posting this here for your unique perspective. how would you feel about this?
You may have made your decision by now, but I'm only just seeing this.
If I were your friend, I would be completely okay with a shortened trip on your part. You're there for one of the most important events of her life, and any of the goings-on before or after the ceremony are just add-ons to the celebratory time.
Have fun!
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| Posted 1/14/12 7:44 PM |
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PennyCat
Just call me mommy :)
Member since 7/08 19084 total posts
Name:
Jib
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Re: Posting this here for your unique perspective. how would you feel about this?
I feel like once you have a destination wedding like that, you have to assume that people in your bridal party .. guests.. etc.. will not be able to attend some or all of the wedding festivities. Maybe I'm wrong here... but if it's THAT important to her that everyone is there for everything, she should do those things locally.
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| Posted 1/15/12 8:08 PM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Posting this here for your unique perspective. how would you feel about this?
Crashing, because I do have a child, but I think you are shorting yourself a little too if you go later. You don't have the time to spend with friends the way you used to and for an extra night with really good girlfriends, I think you should go on Thursday. Your DS is home with family and will be 100% fine.
It sounds to me like the bride is a close enough friend that she would be OK with whatever you decide.
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| Posted 1/17/12 1:08 PM |
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DumpsterBaby
My compass when I'm lost
Member since 5/11 2210 total posts
Name:
My anchor when I get tossed
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Re: Posting this here for your unique perspective. how would you feel about this?
I will be honest...I think I would have a momentary attitude and be a little peeved, seeing that is my wedding...but I would completely get over it. However, that said, I know I would remember not having my best friend at the wedding and having those memories. I think if you did go it would mean the world to her.
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| Posted 1/19/12 2:36 PM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: Posting this here for your unique perspective. how would you feel about this?
I'm crashing in because I was in the exact same situation a few years ago. I wound up going Friday to Sunday and it sucked!!! I would never do that to myself again. My advice is to go for as long as possible, or don't go at all. By the time I actually arrived on Friday I had dinner and a few drinks. I woke up super early on Saturday to get some beach time. Then I had to be in the brides room by 11:30 to start getting ready. The wedding festivities lasted the whole day. Then I had to wake up and leave. I felt like I spent more time traveling then enjoying any of it. Tack on the $1500 price tag, and it just didn't seem worth it.
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| Posted 1/20/12 12:30 PM |
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babyfever24
LIF Adult
Member since 1/11 3340 total posts
Name:
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Re: Posting this here for your unique perspective. how would you feel about this?
Posted by JenniferEver
My bridezilla days are not that far behind me... I would probably waver somewhere between understanding and thinking "Well, the baby's with his dad, what's one more night?" on top of feeling bad that your DH and DS wouldn't be coming.
ETA: As not a parent, I was also thinking "Well, it's just 3 nights, and he's 2 and won't remember it, but my wedding is once in a lifetime"
This
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| Posted 1/23/12 9:17 PM |
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Posting this here for your unique perspective. how would you feel about this?
Thank you. I am going to book soon and s ll ooo www lll yyy swinging to the Thursday idea lol. but I am and always was planning on going for at least 3 days. there seems to be some confusion.
I appreciate all of your inputs. my friend IS so wonderful and understanding. the very thing that makes me WANT to be there as much as I can. If she was a bridezilla with that "once in the lifetime" attitude I probably wouldn't go at all. i cannot deal with that type of thing.
thanks again!
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| Posted 1/24/12 5:30 PM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Posting this here for your unique perspective. how would you feel about this?
Eh, I'm not a bridezilla. You can ask my bridesmaids. I was the most chill and laid back bride. I had BM's miss my shower, miss my rehearsal, do weird stuff that annoyed me in pictures, bail on my bach party as soon as we got to the club and I shrugged it off.I think saying it's "Once in a Lifetime" isn't being a bridezilla, it's a fact. This is a once in a lifetime experience for you and your friend to share together.
It sounds like you were already planning to be down there for a decent amount of time anyway, so it sounds like you have it under control. At first it sounded like you were going to swoop and and swoop out for just the wedding and the day before, which seemed unneccessarily rushed considering your DS is in very capable hands. I do think the fact that you have a child does mean you don't have to be there for every group manicure.
Enjoy the trip!
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| Posted 1/26/12 2:33 PM |
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